Thanks so much for the replies everyone! It’s meant so much to me to get feedback on this because I really didn’t feel like I could talk to anyone around me about this!
I did email my mother, because she is currently camping and she has no phone but she does have wireless internet. I think after thinking about it for about half an she finally replied
My initial email just stated I had seen an email from him, and she told me I’m just silly and young and don’t understand how adults act (I’m 27) and that they are just old friends. Then I told her specifically what I saw, and mentioned the language about being careful to hide it etc, and that that was not innocent language and if what she was doing was innocent she wouldn’t be going to great lengths to cover her tracks (deleting emails instantly, even from the trash, sending them around to different account, etc).
She replied to that saying more about how I’m silly and young and how my dad is aware that she has friends on the internet, both men and women, who she corresponds with, and not to worry about it and that I should see the humour. And obviously she wouldn’t be stupid enough to have an affair using an account she knows I’d check (at this point I stopped replying)
THEN she emailed back saying she knows how this must LOOK to me but she can assure me that it’s nothing. And there is no such thing as an online affair and that she’s never actually spent time with the guy in person
THEN she emailed again saying that maybe I should stop obessing over thigns like this and leave it alone,
and then again that it was late and night and she needed to go to bed now.
Then around noon she wrote me a much longer email. She said obviously this looks horrible, but it really isn’t and she understands that she’s crossed lines here, and denying that I saw the emails last summer too. But then she brought up that she was sure I’d done things she didn’t like as a teenager (which I thought was just cheap and random). My mom was always VERY strict about what was appropriate or not for ladies to do. I thought she would disown me when I moved in with my fiancee because it’s “just not right”. She offered to go to town and call me if I needed a talk, but honestly all I can imagine is some strained awkward conversation with her on a pay phone in a public place. She also told me she’d stop talking to him, but I mean really how on earth would I even know if she was or not?
Now I’m just feeling really betrayed and not sure what to believe. I feel like her story changed a lot from email to email and if she really is so innocent she wouldn’t be writing so many emails to me, because she wouldn’t CARE who I told. you know?
I feel so upset for my dad, and also for our family. I feel like emotional affairs are a real thing, especially if they last for years, and I just feel like I can’t totally believe that they’ve never met. I feel so annoyed too because she said if it was a real affair she could have just left……. but I know she never would. She would probably 1. be too concerned about what people think 2. never ever risk doing anythign that would cause her to leave her grandchild, 3. she’s been totally supported by my dad her whole life so I can’t imagine her getting a job to support herself and 4. who even KNOWS if this guy is married too or what.
Anyways I’m kind of still at a loss here……. but wondering if maybe I should just leave it. For sure for a few weeks until she gets home.
Thanks so much for listening and I’d still love any comments, you are all helping me through this!