Post # 1
I guess it’s partially my fault. My mom has stolen money from our house twice before. I immediately confronted her and she pulled the guilt card saying things like “I can’t believe you would accuse your own mother of stealing money!” “I’ll never step foot back in your house again!” “What type of daughter are you? Thinking I would actually steal from you?” Then a few months later finally confesses and cries and apologizes. And I always forgive her.
Well me and Darling Husband just got back yesterday from a mini vacation. Our neighbor, who normally watches the house and feeds our dogs was also out of town, so we asked my mom to do it. We went through EVERYTHING in our house and locked up all cash, bills, anything personal in our lock box in the back of the closet.
The night before we left DHs back started hurting from packing the car so he took one of his pain pills. I guess he forgot to put the pills back in his drawer and left them out on the dining room table. But here’s the thing, he doesn’t quite remember if that’s what he did with them. He thinks he left them out. He definitely remembers not putting them back in his side table drawer though. We’ve searched the house up and down and cannot find them anywhere.
Soooo that was the first thing that made us raise or eyebrows. Maybe he actually took the pills with him and left them at the hotel? Maybe they are just really, really lost somewhere in the house?
Then this morning my mom came over to give us back the key. While she was here she called my Aunt on speakerphone. My Aunt said “Where are you? At Katie’s house?” And my mom said “Yes why?” Then my Aunt said “Does she have anymore of those sleeping pills?” And my mom immediately looked panicked, started freaking out and fussing over her phone, turning the speaker volume down then taking it completely off speakerphone. Then she goes “Oh no Katie doesn’t take Advil PMs. Okay bye.”
Soooo that was the second thing that made us raise our eyebrows. My Aunt has had neck surgery in the past and is addicted to pain killers. My mom has given her some of my dads in the past, and my Aunt would give her money. I’ve told my mom multiple times how ILLEGAL this is but she doesn’t seem to care or think it’s a big deal. Well now we have an entire bottle of pain pills come up missing and everything is pointing to my mom taking them and possibly selling them to my Aunt. My mom has a gambling problem so she will do anything for money.
Problem is, I don’t want to confront her because 1) We aren’t 100% positive she took them and 2) What good will that do?
I hate that the first time we trusted my mom again to be in our house alone and she may have done something like this. We won’t allow her to ever house sit for us again. I’m just so upset I have a mom that would *possibly* do this. Thanks for listening bees. It felt nice to vent about this.
Post # 2
I know she did it from ONE comment in your post. When she had your aunt on the phone and acted panicky when auntie asked about your sleeping pills. Your mom has a very big problem anyway. Just be glad it was pills and not something that’s sentimental, like your wedding rings.
I know what it’s like to have a seriously crappy mom. Mine is also.
Post # 3
Also err on the side of caution. I would be worried about someone hurting themselves with the stolen pills.
Post # 4
You do know she took them, but you are a loving daughter who wants to give her mother the benefit of the doubt, which is not unusual. But you do know she took them. You don’t have to choose to do anything about it if you don’t want to, but I think it’s important for yourself and your own peace of mind that you acknowledge that she did in fact take them.
The only good it will do to tell her you know is it might make her less likely to take things in the future. Pretending that the elephant in the room doesn’t exist won’t help anyone, I don’t think. It just lets her continue to believe that she is successful hiding a problem that continues to get worse and worse. You could choose to tell her that you know without “confronting” her. Drop it into a conversation. “Hey, Mom, so I just wanted to tell you that we know you took DH’s bottle of pain pills. We don’t have to talk about it unless you want to, though.” If she doesn’t feel attacked/put on the defensive she might just let it lie rather than denying etc, and then maybe eventually admit it the way she did about the stolen money. I think not letting her alone in your house ever again is a wise decision.
Post # 5
Have your locks RE KEYED immediately and do not give keys to anyone.
my NMom kept using her key to get into our house and we suspect things were taken. Eta she also has a long history of pill abuse.
Post # 6
anonybee54321: What an awful situation, but I think you already know your answer. Your mom took the pills. It sucks, it really sucks, but she did it. Please change your locks, it’s very likely that she got your key copied. Especially since she knows she can get money/pills at your place (even more so if you don’t tell her that you know she took the pills).
Post # 7
You let someone who stole from you before have full access to your house (I don’t care that she’s your mother). And you didn’t expect this to happen? Forgiving and forgetting are two seperate things, they don’t have to go together.
Your mom has and will again take advantage of you. “I’ll never step foot in this house again!” Does she promise? Good. You guys want to see each other, meet in public or go to her house (don’t bring valuables). She might complain but that’s not your fault or even your business if she’s sad about. “”What kind of daughter are you?!?!” Hmm, I guess the kind of daughter that has a thief and possible drug addict of a mom who needs to protect herself now.
Post # 8
Maybe you could approach discussing it from the standpoint of getting her help for her gambling addiction? It’s putting a rift between the two of you, and would be beneficial to both her life and your relationship if she gets help. Like PP said, you don’t want her to feel attacked because then she’ll just throw up a wall.
I’ve honestly never dealt with anything like this though. I’d assume it’s pretty hard to get someone help if they don’t want it/won’t admit they have a problem. All you can do is love on her and encourage her to get help, while also continuing to take precautions to protect your own assets.
Post # 9
I’d file a police report to protect you and your Darling Husband. If, God forbid, someone overdoses on that medication, I believe that you can be held liable for not reporting it stolen.
Post # 10
It is not at all your fault. However…your mom has issues. I would confront her about the pills…just so you are not enabling her. Just make it a point to tell her you know. She can deny it all she wants. She really should get help.
And now you know that she still can’t be trusted. That just stinks. But I have a sister that is very similar. You are lucky to not have been “corrupted” by her ways.
Post # 11
bgswifey: I’m not sure what makes you say I’m glad my mom took the pills. I’m extremely upset over it. But yes, my mom does suck.
Jijitattoo: CanadianBride456: letterstolove: LadyOtter: HappySky7:
Thank you ladies. I’m definitely getting our locks changed. Thank you for pointing that out! And Darling Husband also wants me to just flat out tell her we know she took them. But for some reason, I’m worried the pills will show up and I’ll look like an ass. Maybe I’m just too naive and hopeful that my mom wouldn’t do such an awful thing. Even though she HAS done it before. Ugh. What a mess!
Post # 12
I’m sorry. My mother couldn’t be trusted either (gambling AND pill/alcohol addictions) so I understand how painful this is and your desire to believe in her. But I also understand that she took the pills. I’d say let it go this time as you can’t really prove anything, but don’t ever let her into your house unsupervised again.
Post # 13
anonybee54321: I have dealt with this before and was going to give the same advice. It will be a hard thing to do but she needs help. I would not confront her and file an investigational police report (not an incident report). Nothing will likely come from it because there is no proof but hopefully it will scare her enough to seek help. It does not sound like your husband takes it frequently but if he does need an early refill, he will need the police report anyway.
Post # 14
anonybee54321: I hope the pills do reappear and you do end up feeling like an ass! That’s the best case scenario here, but I believe that’s highly unlikely. Everyone wants to think the best of their family, but sometimes family sucks. I hope this gets resolved quickly for you!
And I have to agree with you Darling Husband, you need to tell her. Her thinking she got away with it will only fuel her fire
Post # 15
anonybee54321: Oh dear, I don’t think I explained properly! Of course it’s not a joyful occasion! I am sorry you have to deal with this. Maybe wait a couple of days and see if they show up. Also the waiting would give you time to not confront her in a emotional stAte.
On another note, you don’t think she had a copy of your key made do you?