(Closed) I think my mother and I are done forever.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 92
Member
498 posts
Helper bee

Can you blockher from your phone? Verizon lets you do this. At the very least block your aunt

Post # 93
Member
475 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@RedRose1979:  Im sorry about of this. I really feel for you..

 

just curious — how has your relationship with your father been since all ths has happened? Have you been in contact with him? Maybe through him you can see your siblings.

 

I can’t even imagine having a mother who acts so childish. Maybe you could try and contact her (NOT through texting/emailing) and meet in person. At the end of the day she is your mother, no matter how childish or ridiculous she is acting. I would give her one more shot… she is hurt (I’m not condoning her actions at ALL) but I think she really wants you to reach out to her and try to fix this situation 

 

And as for your aunts and other family members, they should just get lost. They are just making this drama 1000x worse

 

Post # 94
Member
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would personally try one more time before I cut off all ties, but not by talking to your mom directly – is there a good, neutral 3rd party that could help you mediate? Not necessarily a counselor but a family friend or another relative that hasn’t gone off the deep end? Any males, like a brother or husband or grandpa? They usually stay farther away from the drama – I know when I have issues with my mom I rely on my dad or husband to talk some sense into her and tell her to cut the shit. Although my mom has never gone this long with this much crap. I personally would try to mend things before the holidays.

Post # 95
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

I think that’s really crazy of your family to turn on you without hearing your side of the story.
Extremely rude and immature.
I would put “i’m sorry that you feel this way, without knowing my side of the story” on repeat to there negativity. 
As far as your mom is concerned, I’d let her know, “If you want to talk about they issues, we can do that.” Don’t play her games. Let her know until you guys fix things, you will feel unwelcome and uncomfortable at family gatherings.  

Post # 96
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@RedRose1979:

It can get really bad when it comes to cutting out family. At the end of the day you have to make sure it’s worth it no matter what happens.  Once you end it don’t go back.

When it comes to recieving things from them don’t open them no matter what.  If it’s letter’s or gifts just send them back if it’s a text or email just delete it right away.  Let those who know that are out of your life know you want nothing to do with them.  Those things aren’t worth accepting.

Personally after I disowned my parents I drowned myself in my fiance’s family.  I do attend a few of my family’s outings when I know my parents wont be there.  However for the most part I stay away from my family.  I see no reason to possible cause drama that could easily be avoided.  The same goes for the holidays I spend almost all of it with his family.

Hopefully things get better for you

Post # 97
Member
5790 posts
Bee Keeper

@RedRose1979:  From the limited information you provided, it seems to me your Mom is more upset by the fact that she was spending all the money for the wedding, and you didn’t express enough gratitude for everything she did for you. Were you supposed to kiss the ground she walked on? Of course not, but many parents of brides do have resentment towards the grooms’ families for not contributing as much as they do. Did she also pay for the groom’s Mother’s room and the limo? And you didn’t even speak to her at either the Rehearsal Dinner or wedding? Bring on the tears! You can’t see how she’d be upset by any of those things and then to be ignored?

She went too far by including other family members, but I gotta say that either she’s a great liar and actress, or there’s way more to the story. Why on earth would everyone else ignore you too unless they saw different things for themselves? Adults really don’t just follow along like little sheep (or at least any that I know). I just don’t understand how you can go from pretty close and talking every day to completely cutting them off. If something (your side) doesn’t make any sense, there’s probably more things that happened than moving people with the seating arrangements (very common, and no big deal) and a limo ride.

Take a ride to her house and talk to her! Apologize if you’re wrong (and don’t even know it) and get this resolved. None of the anonymous armchair psychiatrists behind these computer screens know you or your family, so if its eating you alive with worry, figure it out.

Life is way too short.

Post # 100
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I see some bees saying that they think you should keep making an effort and give her another chance. I am grateful for this thread because I always felt so alone when I told people I don’t have parents. My sperm donor passed when I was 18, and I did not shed a tear, my dad who raised me died a few years back and it was heartbreaking. My mother is alive, but I am done with her. Look, I gave her a second, third, and fourth chance because everyone wants a mom. She hurt me worse each time!!! Save yourself from the inevitable future heartbreaks and walk away for your own mental health. You can forgive her because that will help you heal and have closure, but do not reopen the old wounds. I said my mother would end up all alone with no one who would be there for her, and that is what happened. She ran everyone off with her madness, and she needed to get help for her mental issues long ago. I accept that right now God is my parent, and I know my dad is watching from above. When we are children we need our mother, but as adults, we need only take care of ourselves. I promise you, if you talk to a therapist about this, you will get the same advice….

Post # 101
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@RedRose1979:

I go to some of the holiday events but I don’t stay long.  Since I know my parent’s routine I’ll show up for only 30 minutes at a couple events and leave because I know my parents wont be there at that time.  Now my family isn’t as blunt as it sounds like your’s is when it comes to being upset.  While yes they very much disaprove they are more sneaky about how they show it.  It sounds like you should at least also avoid your aunt.  I also rarely see or talk to my family outside of holidays and special events and I was use to seeing my family atleast twice a week.  There is obviously a huge black hole in my relationship with my family because of my decision.

If you do ever plan on having children then you should avoid leaving them alone with family.  Some relatives don’t mean harm they just feel bad for your mom not having time with her grandkids so they might take pictures or videos of the chidren (or of course child).  If you leave them alone too long they might decide to take a drive to your mom’s.

If you ever need someone to talk to about it feel free to pm me.

Post # 102
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@RedRose1979:  I don’t understand the limo nonsence.  Were you and hubby supposed to ride in it or just your mom’s fam. If it was supposed to be you and hubs and your mom and people of her choosing it is only right that his fam rides as well.  To cry over this is completly ridiculous.  She wants to munipulate you plain and simple with her crying.  Don’t let her.

If that is her e-mail directly copy and pasted, then she writes like a 13 year old spoiled brat.  My god I’m sorry you have to deal with that.  Hope you can come out of this a better person.

Post # 103
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would be completely done, block them all on FB, change my email and phone numbers. And dare the bitches to contact me again.

Post # 104
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

The absolute best thing you can do in this situation is get out of it. Don’t respond to texts, e-mails, anything. Depending on what you use for e-mail, you can route all their e-mails to a certain folder. I’d consider adding all your family members to a list on facebook, so you can control what they see. If they’re posting on your wall or harassing you, I’d remove them completely.

This doesn’t have to last forever. I think once everything has cooled down (and it may take a few months) you can find a good opportunity to extend an olive branch and reconnect, if you so choose. But for now, everyone is way too agitated and inserting themselves into a situation that has nothing to do with them, so your best bet is to remove yourself.

Post # 105
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I myself have issues with my family and actually none of them will be at my wedding which is in 3.5 weeks! My boss is walking me down the isle. My whole family is in Poland so none of them can come plus there is tons of drama with my mother and how materialistic she is.

 

At this point I would actually cut off contact from all those that are affecting you in the negative way. I know it’s hard but it eventually will give you strength.

Once you calm down and are at peace more, I would write a letter to your mother and your aunt about your feelings and how did all of their drama affected you.

Then leave it at that. Don’t respond to snarky comments or stupid texts. Those are hooks and they try to get you on them.

By writing a letter you will be able to get all your emotions out, let them read it and CC others that need to read it too. Heck CC all your family in them. And then let it go.

Post # 106
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ItWasntMe:  I agree. You said you used to have a great relationship and spoke to her every day. She paid for the wedding. How did it come to this over a limo and some seating arrangements?

You are getting a lot of bees telling you to cut her out of your life, but did all these bees have wonderful relationships with their mothers before their weddings?

The other thing that stands out is a lack of verbal communication.  text, email, facebook… That’s got to stop. Get down to her house and knock on the door.

If that doesn’t work, visit your father. At work if need be.

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