(Closed) I think my parents are being taken advantage of…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would talk to your brother I can’t believe that.

Post # 4
Member
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Honestly it really isn’t your problem. You don’t live there anymore. Your parents need to speak up not you or your Darling Husband.  If they don’t speak up than it is their issue. 

I agree sounds like the Girlfriend is taking advantage I would say something to your parents about what you think but as for talking to the Girlfriend leave that to your parents.

Post # 5
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Sassygrn:  +1  this is something your parents have to handle. If you speak up without any of them following suit, you’ll simply come off as the bitch.

Post # 6
Member
8668 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I have a similar situation with my brother and his fiance taking advantage of my folks, with the added joy of a huge financial aspect. I have tried to talk to my mom about it, but I don’t think she really wanted to hear it honestly. I think she believes if she puts her foot down it will cause a rift between them and she won’t get to see her son. Which in this case is probably true, but watching them walk all over my parents is very upsetting. I know how you feel, but I really don’t think talking to them is really going to change anything.

Post # 7
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t know if it is so much that she is taking advantage. Rather it seems she has no respect for boundaries, wants to be with your brother and is getting way too comfortable in your parent’s home. It is not right, but I would say this problem belongs to your brother and your parents.

Post # 8
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

it’s their house, their problem to deal with. I’d stay out of it, you don’t really have much jurisdiction over what goes on in their house. If you don’t want her using your stuff, I’d remove it from the house. 

Post # 9
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I agree with PP that it isn’t technically your problem, but I do think you should talk to your parents about it. Let them know that it’s obvious from an outsider’s perspective that they are being taken advantage of. It sounds like they have gotten themselves into a situation they are having a hard time getting out of, and maybe having someone talk to them about it will trigger a response. But, after you talk to them and tell them how you feel and how their situation looks, the ball is in their court, and if they don’t do anything about it after that, there’s nothing else you can really do. Like you said, they are adults, and talking to them might help, but at the end of the day, they have to be the ones to take action. Just take your things out of their house so she can’t use them anymore.

Post # 10
Member
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You can remind your mother that if she’s upset, she had every right to lay down the law in her home and there are ways to do it without alienating your brother.

Other than that, all you can do is make it clear that your stuff is not communal property.  When you visit home, if she tries putting on your clothes you can feel free to tell her to get the f’ out of them.

Post # 11
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’ve worried about my brother and sil taking advantage of my parents, though in different ways , and the only thing I really have been able to do is function as an emotional support for my parents. they vent to me and I suggest they work on boundaries and communicating their needs more explicitly

Post # 13
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CherryWaves:  Ohh I gotcha. I think you can say something to her about that – be like please don’t use my stuff because then when I come I have nothing left. I’d stay out of the rest of it though. 

Post # 14
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

Shes 24, does she work?

Post # 15
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@CherryWaves:  Oh I see, I thought you were talking about things that you had left there when you moved out. In that case, I would just ask her to stop using your things. You may not be able to control how she takes advantage of your parents, but you sure can tell her to stop taking advantage of you!

Post # 16
Member
13289 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would either quietly address it with your parents, or not at all.  This isn’t isn’t your problem or your battle to fight.

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