Post # 1
We’ve been together 6 years and are engaged. We’ve been fighting more and more lately, and tonight I think we have finally done it. I can’t see us coming back from this. There are just too many differences that we can’t seem to get over. He stormed out and I feel sick and numb, if you can feel both those things together.
As much as I am feeling in shock right now, I think on some level I knew it was coming, and maybe I even wished it as I was really pushing him in our argument tonight.
I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do right now. How do you pick up the pieces of your life and start all over again?
Anyone with any words of advice would be very much appreciated. I don’t want to tell my family until I have my [email protected]&! together as I’ll stress them out with worry. I have told a few close friends via text cause I feel like I have to tell someone but I don’t think I can talk to anyone right now.
Post # 2
I’m so sorry, Bee. This is horrible, and probably everyone here understands.
This doesn’t feel good or right or true just now, but if the relationship isn’t working, then it’s right to let it go. You won’t feel good for a LONG while, and that’s okay. But you’ll see later that this opened you up to finding someone with whom you really flow. I have no doubt that words of comfort won’t help a whit right now, but they’re still probably true.
If this is worth salvaging and if you both CAN and WANT to try, then give it a try. But if not, let yourself feel some pain for a while, and then start working toward a new life.
Again, I AM sorry. But you’ll be okay, Bee. All of us have eventually been okay.
Post # 3
Ouch. There aren’t too many things that hurt more than the end of a love affair. Let yourself grieve and be extra gentle with yourself.
It is a cliche, but a good one, when they say that time heals all wounds. It’s nearly impossible for you to imagine it now, but time will work it’s special magic for you.
Meanwhile, baby yourself for awhile.
Post # 4
it is scary to end something that has been at the core of your everyday life for 6 years, and tempting to stay in a situation that isn’t really working just because it is familiar. my only advice is give yourself permission to miss him and a bit a feel unsure after breaking it off. break ups are difficult even when they are right and you’ll remember all the good times, because i’m sure there were many. it doesn’t mean you’ve made a mistake. trust your instincts, bee.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry bee. I can absolutely relate to the feeling of being “sick and numb” at the same time – that’s exactly how I felt when I ended my last relationship. You’re gonna get through this. I’m glad you told a few friends – don’t hesitate to lean on them for support. I will be thinking of you. Just remember that as bleak as everything looks today, you’re future is BRIGHT. You can now start the healing process and when you’re ready, you can meet someone who is a much better fit than your ex and go on to have a happy, fulfilling relationship.
Post # 6
Thank you all so much for taking the time to write your thoughtful words, they really mean a lot to me right now. I guess my head knows that I will be okay in the end, but it will be a long and painful process to get there, and it’s going to strip me raw emotionally. That’s scary. We share property together, we were planning a family together, and to be honest at my age I just don’t even think that will be possible anymore.
I think towards the end I was more hanging on to the life we’d built and were building rather than facing the facts that we just weren’t making each other happy anymore.
Thank you all again, really.
Post # 7
I am so sorry that this has happened. You have to let time take it’s course. This way, you can think and evaluate the pros and cons of your relationship (if it is salvagable). If he is not respectful or doing things that make it so bad that you guys have to break up, I personally do not think that you should go on with the marriage right now until you know that he is willing to make things work. Marriage might seem glamourlike but in actuality, it is a lifetime commitment that comes with ups and downs. Is he able to hang if something happens where you need his support? If you get sick, would he be there for you? If you are finacial distress, would he hold it down until things get better? If an important decision is to be made, would he leave you hanging? These are a few questions that I believe you should think about before going through with this and know that after the bells and whistles, life happens. No one has a perfect relationship (unless they just started dating). What matterrs is how you are able to handle situations. If you guys can’t discuss differences without breaking up or giving up, imagine when real life happens? I wish you all of the best and I hope that you take the time to reflect and ultimately, make a decision that is best for you. Peace and blessings Bee
Post # 8
Thank you Coco Brown Walker (not sure how to tag sorry). You’re right and I think this is what I’ll need to keep reminding myself in the coming days, weeks and months as I’m processing this.
I don’t think he and I are right for each other, our communication styles are just clashing and we are bringing out the worst in each other, not the best. We used to be happier, more carefree people I’m sure, and now we just seem to be at each other’s throats all the time. I don’t feel like I can communicate myself to him and be understood, and I’m sure the feeling is mutual.
I don’t feel like an equal in the relationship either which is something that is important to me.
Can’t bring myself to take the ring off yet though 🙁 why don’t our heads and hearts align?
Post # 10
I am sorry to hear this bee but sometimes when it comes to this point you know deep down it is all happening for the right reasons. It is tough to start over but think of it as the best gift you can ever give yourself. A fresh start, time to work on yourself, and ultimately freedom to find the person that is 100% right for you. Big hugs.
Post # 11
how are you holding up? have you guys spoken since the fight?
Post # 12
Hope you are doing well bee…