Post # 1
My husband is in the military and we are stationed out of state. Both our families live in the same town we met in. Anyways when we were dating his SIL and I were very close and we hung out often and talked but ever since we got married shes distanced herself from me completely. I came home to live with my mom while my husband had a 10 month tour in afghanistan and now deployment is almost over and im moving back to the state we’re stationed in in a couple weeks and she has NEVER hung out with me ONCE these entire 11 months ive been home. Ive asked on many occasions, we’ve even PLANNED to hang out many times but shes broken it off EVERY time. I feel really hurt and disappointed and I get this feeling that she doesnt like me anymore because i “Took her brother away” she even complained about not seeing him enough during R&R this year when HELLO he is my husband of course hes going to spend most of the time with ME and yes we did have plenty of days with family I just dont understand what she expects out of me. My husband has other family and even friends he wanted to see its not all about his sister and sometimes I get the feeling thats what she thinks. She even got mad at him for not messaging him happy birthday WHILE he was in afghanistan! Im thinking honestly he barely has time to even call me for a 2 min conversation let alone finding a working comp with internet to use in the middle of a war zone..
Ive pretty much given up trying. I just dont get people sometimes. i feel like she just faked being nice to me before when we were dating and now her true colors are showing. : ( What the heck!!??!
*PS: she is older than us by a few years by the way
Post # 3
Give it time. It sounds like she is grieving the loss of her brother (obviously not a tragic loss, but a kind of loss all the same) in her own way.
She may never come around and you may never be as close as you were but that’s ok. She isn’t being vindictive or anything, she just obviously doesn’t want to hang out. Let it go. Let her come to you if and when she wants to.
This part is a bit harsh:
Perhaps you are right, perhaps she was just faking being nice to you when you were dating because you were around a lot mroe and she wanted you to feel welcome. But maybe you just aren’t the kind of person she likes to make the effort to hang out with? Don’t take this as a bad thing. In fact, let’s assume that you aren’t the kind of person she likes to hang out with – she made the effort to be nice and welcoming all through your dating time. That’s hard work! And it was very nice of her and big of her to make that effort.
Now that you aren’t around all the time she no longer wants to make a huge effort to hang out. That’s ok. Why? Just because you are the most amazing, juiciest, tastiest peach in the world, not everyone likes peaches!
I hardly think that things will go downhill, I think you’ll get along fine at family gatherings but perhaps not be buddies.
Just focus on your amazing Darling Husband and let it go. 🙂
Post # 5
It sounds like she misses her brother, and maybe she does blame you a little for taking him away. It doesn’t mean it’s fair, or that you did anything. Sometimes people just need someone to blame.
I think, in your situation, I’d continue being nice to her, keeping in touch and offering to include her in plans. (Try having a backup plan knowing she’ll probably bail, or only scheduling things with her when you’d be fine hanging out at home watching TV anyway.) Eventually she’ll get over it and realize that this is what happens between siblings when they grow up — they move on to their own lives. As long as you leave that line of communication open, there’s the possibility that you guys can have a close relationship again down the road. (If you decide to shut her out because in her hurt, she’s hurt you, that will be much harder.)
Good luck. Dealing with family is always so difficult.
Post # 6
My future SIL can be the same way at times. Other times, we’re like two peas in a pod. In my experience, the best thing you can do is be nice to her and make her feel included to the best of your abilities. It definitely sounds like she misses her brother. As other posters have mentioned, this is not your fault, but you’ll be happy you took the high road. I hope she comes around! Good luck!
Post # 7
Maybe she felt that y’all were in this deployment ” together”, as a family unit, and when you moved to be with your mom she feels a little slighted.
Give it time and make extra effort to reach out to her. There can be so many emotions swirling around deployments and sensitive family ties, just hang in there and remind her what an awesome time y’all did have!
Post # 8
I kept writing stuff then erasing- as a military wife i might be biased but hes your husband obviously he is going to spend time with you during R&R and to be honest it sounds as though your SIL needs to grow up. you are her brothers Wife you did nothing wrong the type of relationship your SIL and your Darling Husband is how it is because of them not because you are in the picture. You shouldn’t be being treated rudely now because he has his priorities in check and uses his limited time to talk to you. Theres a time and a place for “feeling like she lost a brother” its not during a deployment IMO. Sorry you felt extra stress ::big hugs:: Don’t feel like you did anything wrong or feel like you need to make her like you, it sounds as though you have given it 110% let her come to you i would stop trying to make plans and yay read your other post homecomings are the best!! Bigs hugs 🙂