(Closed) I think my sister in law doesnt like me anymore?? : (

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Give it time. It sounds like she is grieving the loss of her brother (obviously not a tragic loss, but a kind of loss all the same) in her own way.

She may never come around and you may never be as close as you were but that’s ok. She isn’t being vindictive or anything, she just obviously doesn’t want to hang out. Let it go. Let her come to you if and when she wants to. 

This part is a bit harsh:

Perhaps you are right, perhaps she was just faking being nice to you when you were dating because you were around a lot mroe and she wanted you to feel welcome. But maybe you just aren’t the kind of person she likes to make the effort to hang out with? Don’t take this as a bad thing. In fact, let’s assume that you aren’t the kind of person she likes to hang out with – she made the effort to be nice and welcoming all through your dating time. That’s hard work! And it was very nice of her and big of her to make that effort. 

Now that you aren’t around all the time she no longer wants to make a huge effort to hang out. That’s ok. Why? Just because you are the most amazing, juiciest, tastiest peach in the world, not everyone likes peaches! 

I hardly think that things will go downhill, I think you’ll get along fine at family gatherings but perhaps not be buddies. 

Just focus on your amazing Darling Husband and let it go. 🙂


Post # 5
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It sounds like she misses her brother, and maybe she does blame you a little for taking him away. It doesn’t mean it’s fair, or that you did anything. Sometimes people just need someone to blame.

I think, in your situation, I’d continue being nice to her, keeping in touch and offering to include her in plans. (Try having a backup plan knowing she’ll probably bail, or only scheduling things with her when you’d be fine hanging out at home watching TV anyway.) Eventually she’ll get over it and realize that this is what happens between siblings when they grow up — they move on to their own lives. As long as you leave that line of communication open, there’s the possibility that you guys can have a close relationship again down the road. (If you decide to shut her out because in her hurt, she’s hurt you, that will be much harder.)

Good luck. Dealing with family is always so difficult.

Post # 6
46 posts
  • Wedding: July 2013

My future SIL can be the same way at times. Other times, we’re like two peas in a pod. In my experience, the best thing you can do is be nice to her and make her feel included to the best of your abilities. It definitely sounds like she misses her brother. As other posters have mentioned, this is not your fault, but you’ll be happy you took the high road. I hope she comes around! Good luck!

Post # 7
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

Maybe she felt that y’all were in this deployment ” together”, as a family unit, and when you moved to be with your mom she feels a little slighted.


Give it time and make extra effort to reach out to her. There can be so many emotions swirling around deployments and sensitive family ties, just hang in there and remind her what an awesome time y’all did have!

Post # 8
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I kept writing stuff then erasing- as a military wife i might be biased but hes your husband obviously he is going to spend time with you during R&R and to be honest it sounds as though your SIL needs to grow up. you are her brothers Wife you did nothing wrong the type of relationship your SIL and your Darling Husband is how it is because of them not because you are in the picture. You shouldn’t be being treated rudely now because he has his priorities in check and uses his limited time to talk to you. Theres a time and a place for “feeling like she lost a brother” its not during a deployment IMO. Sorry you felt extra stress ::big hugs:: Don’t feel like you did anything wrong or feel like you need to make her like you, it sounds as though you have given it 110% let her come to you i would stop trying to make plans and yay read your other post homecomings are the best!! Bigs hugs 🙂

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