- 7 years ago
My SO and I have talked about building a future together for a while now, but it was always something that would happen “in the future”. However, he’s been dropping hints recently that he’s ready to take that next step, and I’m not sure I’m ready! I’m not sure anyone here can empathize with this situation, but I’m hoping that someone has some suggestions for me anyhow.
Up until this point, we seem to have been on the same page: we talked about marriage and the future, but last week he had…a particularly emotional experience that caused him to recognize what was important to him in life (I won’t go into detail, it’s somewhat private). Afterward he called me in tears (something that is QUITE out of charecter) to make sure I knew just how much he loved me and just how important to him I was.
Then, this past weekend, we woke up and he suggested we go to the mall to peruse the jewlery counter so he could “find out what I liked” when he was trying to pick a Christmas present for me. I don’t wear much (or any) jewlery on a daily basis, and told him there were things I would rather have for Christmas than jewlery, but I went we went jewlery browsing anyhow. Admittedly, it was amazingly fun, but I began to get a bit suspicious, especially after he insisted we check my ring size.
Also, I mentioned casually a few days earlier that I was considering getting my dad tickets to the local aquarium for Christmas, but since then had overheard my dad saying he was going to get tickets for himself and my niece, both of whom had always wanted to go but did’t have the oppertunity. After our jewlery store excursion, SO mentioned that he REALLY wanted to go with my dad to the aquarium when he (SO) would be in town between Christmas and New Years. My SO gets along well with my father, but I’m really independant, and, while I get along well with my family, I don’t include them in my day-to-day life. As a result, SO hasn’t spent an overly huge amount of time with my family, simply because I don’t, so it was a bit uncharecteristic of him to be so adamant about seeing my father. SO is, however, very traditional, and would REQUIRE my father’s permission (in person!) before a proposal of any kind.
While, I know I want to be with him forever, I’m quite ready to take that step.
I, like every girl I’m sure, has been planning my wedding in my mind for, well, a while to say the least, but I recognize that there’s a difference between a wedding and a marriage; while, I I’m really excited about the prospect of a wedding, I’m not sure I’m ready to handle the responsibility of a marriage.
We’re both in the process of transitioning from student to working adult, and I feel I need to become more established in my life as an individual before I make that kind of committment to someone else. Moreover, my independance is very important to me, and letting go of that is a really big deal for me. A REALLY big deal.
I heard someone mention recently that the crazy thing about marriage is that men get months or years to make the decision to get married, while women get approdximately 30 seconds to make the same decision. So many of the decisions in a relationship are mutual, why is this one, aruguably the most important one, so one-sided?
I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has been in my position, or tips for coming to terms with the “growing pains” of adulthood and marriage?