(Closed) I think now I’m REALLY WAITING – need Bee support

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That is exciting! I know how it feels though to be waiting and think that you can’t bring it up all the time or nag about it. STICK TO THOSE GUNS! I’m pretty good about not bringing it up every day but about once a week I’ll make a sarcastic comment about how we’ll be in a retirement home before we get married (etc. etc.) and I reaaaaaaaally wish I wouldn’t! (Seriously, sometimes those comments just jump out of my mouth without a thought and then I always cringe and wish I hadn’t said anything right after.)

For me it’s more about trying to preserve the “specialness” (for lack of a more elegant term) of the engagement. After 7 years together it definitely isn’t going to be a surprise, either to myself or our friends and family, and we’re basically the last of our friends to get married so there’s no novelty there anymore. The least I can do is have the engagement come around organically and not because I nagged about it or had a breakdown. I really don’t want to be one of those people that gets a ring right after she starts crying about how he won’t propose!

So definitely come here any time you think your resolve is weakening! We’ll talk you through it! 🙂

Post # 4
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

That took a lot of guts, and I commend you for not just going with the flow for the sake of peace!!!!  NOT bringing it up anymore will be hard, and I’d personally give myself a date TO broach the subject again, say like, the fall? lol  Hopefully his house sells quickly and he sees that living with you is NOTHING like being with the “ex” blah haha  And also that he realizes that he doesn’t want it any other way, and hops right to getting a ring on your finger, if he knows you aren’t trying to marry him immediately and are open to a longer engagement, that should take off some of the pressure hehee  Anywho, welcome aboard the choo choo train haha  🙂 *HUGS*

Post # 6
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

@prshadow: Congrats and welcome aboard! I don’t even know you well but I’m super proud of you for sticking to your guns and having THE conversation, we all know how hard it is. I also think it’s fantastic that HE commented on how brave it was =) In my opinion, waiting is only as bad as you make it. Personally, I had a really hard time at first; but after thinking about it in depth I realized I can totally wait because it will be more than worth it in the end. I didn’t want to be/feel crazy all the time and ruin the good time I have with my SO.

So hang in there because it’s very worth it! You’ve already shown you’ve got some major guts, hopefully this won’t be so bad! =) 

Post # 7
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

AAHH That’s awesome!!  I would recommend reading Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert (she wrote Eat, Pray, Love).  She’s a 50(40?)-something divorcee and so is her now Darling Husband and they were forced to get married for immigration after both swearing never to marry after their awful divorces.  The whole book is how they took the year or so between forced to marry & the actual wedding to research marriage and come to terms with getting married again.  I think it could be really helpful in helping you understand your man, as well as it raises some really interesting questions about marriage.  I’m only halfway done but I am IN LOVE with this book!  She’s such a witty author too so even if it wasn’t about marriage it would be a super fun read.

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