Post # 1
Sorry, this has nothing to do with my wedding, I just need some major advice. I am going to try to tell my story as best as possible. Please tell me your thoughts.
Ok, so I have been working for the same company for going on 3 years now. I found out about the job through my sisters friend. Let’s call her Tina. Well, ever since I started working there Tina has always focused all of her energy on hating someone. She started out hating Jake, then she hated Sara, then moved onto Mike. Once Mike finally got fired she moved onto the new hire Bridget. Let me tell you, she goes out of her way to watch these peoples every move and report things to the boss. All she does is spend her time talking bad about these people and acting like they don’t do their jobs well.
Anyway, she now gets along with all of those people but has moved onto hating me. She makes my life a living hell. She is so rude and goes out of her way to piss me off everyday. First off, she writes down every time I walk in even 30 seconds late, talks about me and another co-worker constantly and goes to the boss weekly to complain about something I have done. The thing is, we don’t even work in the same department. Nothing I do affects her, nor does she even know the aspects of my job duties. She tries to control me and sends me rude e-mails almost daily. I was always taught to kill people with kindness and I never get an attitude with her. I am always the bigger person and try to please her even though it kills me on the inside. I try to start friendly conversations with her and always smile at her in the hall and she always gives me dirty looks. No smile (EVER!) just glares.
I stress about this issue day and night and I think I’m getting an ulcer. I might just have a heart attack over it and I’m not being dramatic (ok maybe a little). I just want it to stop.
I hope this is making sense because I could go on and on about this. I guess what I’m asking is should
I go to the boss and tell him how uncomfortable she is making me (to the point where I am considering looking for a new job) or do I continue to kill her with kindness and ignore her negativity?
Post # 3
Oh, my! I am so sorry that this is happening to you! I imagine being in a situation like this makes you not even want to go into work because of rudeness from your co-worker. It seems like you have been trying to kill her with kindness already and from the sound of it she’s still getting to you (hence the ulcer and stress level). Everyone hates to be the tattle tale but if you really enjoy your job, you should really bring the issue up to your boss to nip it in the bud as quickly as possible. It seems to me like she loves to run people off and start drama. I’m sorry she has brought her attention to you and I hope it gets better! Good Luck!
Post # 4
I really feel for you. I had a very similar situation. I have to tell you though, that I didn’t directly come out and tell specifics to my boss, but kind of said things “without really saying them” to him. I’m not sure if he just totally missed it or not. The thing is, this evil b*%#@ Brenda, would do the same things to me that you are mentioning (along with more) and then act TOTALLY different not only to my boss, but to other co-workers to make me look like I was way off base. Not to discourage you, but I ended up having to quit my job to escape it. Long story short…….it worked out very well, because not only did I find a great job that I was very happy at, but I met my fiance there! Good luck! I know how draining this situation can be.
Post # 5
Man, that sucks. But I don’t think you should complain to your boss. Nobody likes the office tattler, and rtight now that’s what this woman is. You don’t want to become her! I’m sure her boss is equally annoyed by her constant useless interruptions and drama. Her boss probably has learned to ignore her complaints. This woman isn’t doing her career any favors. It’sd a bad economy, and mean people tend to get “laid off” first when push comes to shove. Wait it out and eventually she will either tire of hating you or leave the job. In the meantime, try not to stress too much about it. Hugs 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club
Ughhh there is nothing worse than the witchy girl in the office. I am so sorry that she’s decided to focus her attention on you. I know how that is; it is impossible to ignore it, even though you try, and it eats you up. If you really like your job though, I’d be trying to figure out how to get the problem out in the open…is it possible to report a problem to HR? If she sends you emails and you have them saved, you have some actual hard evidence that you can use as support…
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2020 - Oakland Manor
I don’t have any words of advice, but I def suggest sending your question to the Evil HR Lady( <cite>http://evilhrlady.blogspot.com )</cite> blog, she’d know what to do for sure!
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2020 - The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA
Wow…. kind of sounds like borderline harrassment? I’d keep track of all the incidents so that if things ever escalate to all-out harrassment, you have something to back you up. Sorry you’re dealing with this! She’s obviously a very unhappy person who has nothing else going for aside from making others feel threatened by her. Must be a sad life she leads.
Post # 9
I agree with cupcake – this could definitely be considered a form of harassment. Keep a detailed log of all of the incidents that occur. Also – keep all of the e-mails that she sends you that are rude. I would start with explaining the situation to your boss, but if you get no help there, then move on to an HR rep. If your compnay has an employee assistance program, you could call them for help or to talk. So sorry you have to deal with this!
Post # 10
I agree w/ cupcake and twincities – this is definitely borderline harassment. I’m in HR, and my suggestion to you is to keep as much hard evidence as you possibly can. You’re doing the right thing by killing her with kindness, b/c any kind of retalliation could be used against you by her.
Another thing you might want to try to do is confront her. She might not have had anyone stand up to her before, so I woudl maybe ask her if there’s something you did to her to make her act this way towards you? My guess is that she’ll deny any wrongdoing, but it might help.
Overall, just keep a log of stuff that she’s being doing to you. Even if it’s just jotting down a nasty comment she made to you in passing…just something to start collecting to give to HR. When an environment is that stressful, it affects your ability to do your job.
I hope everything works out and eventually, this woman is seen for who she is and your boss notices too…
Post # 11
- Wedding: March 2012 - Marie Gabrielle
Yikes. I think you should document incidents and print out emails for the next few weeks, then go to your boss. Her behavior is directly affecting your reputation. We would all like to think that a boss is wise enough to realize when someone is being vindictive and bending the truth, but that is not often the case. However, I wouldn’t recommend going to your boss unless this girl has zero TRUE dirt on you, because she will most definitely retaliate. (Sigh) Why do some people have to be so petty? I don’t suppose you’d get anywhere by having a chat with the offender?
Post # 12
I am having the exact same problem. I have been at my job for 2 1/2 years and I have always loved it. But we have recently aquired quite a few new people and most of the old ones are gone. (Not unusual I work at a military base) but with the new crowd came new employees. My co-worker has been here for about a year and suddenly she is doing all of the same things to me your co-worker is doing to you. I do have ulcers, and feel sick everyday when I wake up to go to work. I have been looking for a new job but there is nothing available right now with our economy being so bad and I live in a small town so jobs are already to few and far between. Right now I am just trying to deal with it, but I am not sure how much longer I can hold out. I feel sicker everyday and I am actually going to the doctor again for the 2nd time tomorrow. I am scared that I will end up with some major stress related medical issues if this keeps up. I try to just take it one day at a time, and I also have worked to make sure my home life is as stress free as possible which has been hard with planning a wedding, but I try to make sure I take some time for myself, watch a fav movie or something. We are women so we are strong we will overcome. Nothing comes our way that we can not handle and we will learn from each new experience. Just keep that in mind. and push on.
Post # 13
I am in agreement with Mrs. Cupcake on this one. Sounds definitely like harassment.
If it were me, I’d begin writing down (let her see you openly do this) in a notebook and document the times and dates of when she was documenting YOU. I’d let it be subtlely known that you’re not going to take it!
Post # 14
Btw I’d definitely forward the rude emails to the boss. He/She needs to know SHE is doing something that only the boss should do. She is by far overstepping her bounds.
Post # 15
Yes…you should definitely go to your boss. I hate going to my boss about these kinds of things, and hardly ever approach him with issues…but this is definitely a situation that I would approach him about! You are losing sleep! This is affecting your health. That is NOT okay. And you know what, I bet your boss realizes what a huge pain in the ass she is if she’s in his/her office all the time complaining about other people. Maybe these other people she has victimized never spoke up about her! Maybe if you did, something would change. Not an easy situation, but you have to protect yourself girl! Good luck with everything!! Also, just curious how your sister feels about the situation…this is her friend, right?? Who would treat a friend’s sibling so terribly?? She does sound evil! 🙂
Post # 16
I just want to add in that I think this is for sure a situation you should take directly to HR. good luck.