Post # 1
After a very upsetting and frustrating couple of weeks, I’m hoping we may have had a break through! SO and I have been together for 5.5 years, and my patience is wearing thin. Over the last 6 months I’ve turned my attention to buying a house, as a distraction from waiting for a proposal. We are financially comfortable enough to buy a house, and I think deep down the commitment of buying a house together would help me feel secure, and settle some of my doubts. My partner is pretty tight with his money, so if he bought a house with me, Id know he was in it forever! We’ve been looking most weekends, and we finally found a beautiful place for a good price. Then, just as we were going to make an offer – SO chickened out.
I couldn’t believe it! Then, when I sat him down to have a conversation about what was going on, he starts panicking about our relationship. Saying that he is scared to commit, and that he needs some space to figure out what he wants. That i deserve better than someone who chickens out at the last minute when it comes to settling down. Then he packed a bag and left to stay with his best friend.
Cue hysterical crying. Three hours ago I was buying a home, the home we were going to start a family in. Now I’m alone and potentially losing the love of my life. The man I assumed was planning a proposal – but instead was having a secret emotional panic attack.
But…. He came home. Quite quickly the next day. Said he was an idiot, and that I am the only one in the world for him. And that he is naturally change averse, and marriage is scary, but it is a scary step he doesn’t want to take with anyone but me. And that for the past year (!) he has avoided thinking about marriage because he was scared of what he would find if he asked himself what he wanted, but when he was finally forced to examine his feelings, he realized it was actually very simple.
Obviously we need to work on his communication skills, as I had no idea such an internal battle was raging, but on a positive note – I think we are one giant step closer to marriage 🙂
Post # 3
Aw, this is such great news. Marriage is scary but hopefully you’ll now be able to have open and honest conversations. Keep us posted!
Post # 4
WOW! What an emotional rollercoaster!! But does sound like some progress has been made. I think you need to keep the communitcations going now that tyey have started and really examine, what he is so frightened of, but also let him know that you do want to get married, buy a house, have children. Better to talk through it all now ratehr than both be there with very different expectations.
Post # 5
I also had to force my SO to think about what HE wanted in the next 5 years, with me or without me, to get the ball rolling. I am so glad things are going better for you! Try to keep that communication up about all needs and life desires, you want to be on the complete same page.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings
I would have been completely hysterical and even after he came back Id be miffed. Been together for 5.5 years and still is scared of comitting? Ugh. Lucky for him you are a better person than I am!
Post # 7
Im sorry it was so dramatic for you guys, but at least he knows now exactly what he wants.
Post # 8
It is funny, I thought we had been talking about the ‘big” things and were very much on the same page. It turns out he was mainly just agreeing with me because it seemed to make me happy, rather than actually thinking about his opinion. We had a great discussion about kids and the future , and came to some good compromises that will make us both happy. I can’t believe he has spent so much time implicitly agreeing with me to avoid having a conversation – we really need to work on that! He also told me his mother had given him some terrible advice that he has recently realized is ridiculous. She told him that a successful marriage is not about meeting the right person – you just wait until it is the “right time” in your life, then marry whomever you are with at the time. And that the right age for a man to get married is in his thirties. Crazy advice right! And that he shouldn’t marry me because he is too young ( at 27) to make that sort of big choice. Um…. Really? Luckily he has figured out that that is not the best way to choose a life partner!