Member- Ill Be Mrs B
- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
This is going to be long and I appreciate you reading. It’s mostly a vent but would appreciate some imput.
I don’t mind helping friends when they need help with anything sometimes extending myself to much because various friends have helped me in the past. I feel like I want to pass it on to the next but when it gets to the point of possibly being taken for granted I need to say something.
This is why I believe this friendship has ended, mostly on my part.
I’ve known her for about 5 years and we became fast friends. We met at a grocery store when I commented on her hair color. She had the most beautiful red hair and she said she went to school for hairdressing. Even though she doesn’t have a licence she’s cut/colored my hair and I’ve paid her. She’s a year older than me, 49 and has had jobs that haven’t paid much there for has no car. Anytime we’ve went anywhere I’ve driven. She’s had a hard life, has some mental health issues and is on medication for depression and anxiety.
About a year ago she started to see a psychiatrist and asked me to take her to an appointment. The doctor’s office was about a mile and a half away so from picking her up from my house wasn’t a problem since we live maybe 5-6 blocks away from each other. Of course I said yes, I was happy she’s getting help. Since then she’d ask maybe once a month or every other month whenever she had an appointment or if she needed a ride anywhere else (usually within a few miles). She offered to pay me gas money but I said no because I know she doesn’t make a lot (cosmetic sales at a dept store) and when I took her I’d use the time to run an errand or 2 or read in the car.
Fast forward to August of this year. She asked me to take her to a meeting for her job. Could I take her in the morning and then pick her up in the afternoon? I knew I’d be commiting my whole day plus a lot of miles of driving but I felt like she didn’t have anyone else to ask so I said yes. She offered me gas money but I decided to wait til I knew how many miles it was (I only had an idea of where we were going) by the time I got home the total miles were almost 90. I didn’t feel right about taking money but thought maybe next time she colors my hair I’d ask her if she wouldn’t charge me. Two weeks later she asked me to take her to register her son in high school. We ended up going to the school, to the district (there was a transfer needing to be signed), back to the school and drop her off then later that day to a doctor appointment. I don’t mind doing a favor but that month I felt like a taxi driver.
The next month I texted her about coloring my hair and proposed the idea of bartering doing my hair color for the rides. She said “I thought we already did that last month” and I told her I didn’t remember but if we did then thats ok. She responded “No, thats fine you do a lot for me”. With her working and me caring for my granddaughter we never could find a day to do it so I did it myself. Years ago I use to color my own hair and even though it’s a bit difficult to do the back it wasn’t that hard. I texted her that it came out pretty good and we should get together soon. I never heard back from her. Texted a few weeks later then again asking whats going on. I asked if she was mad at me, it wasn’t usual for her to not talk to me. Yesterday I finally got my answer…
She sent me a FB message saying she was upset at me for suggesting I have her do my hair color for me giving her rides to her meeting/sons school/dr appt. She thought I did those things because I wanted to and was so angry she needed to take time to see if she still is upset, 2 months worth? After reading this I got mad too. Mostly because she avoided me even after I sent several messages. I messenged her back saying I was sorry she got upset because I asked her that but felt that it wasn’t a ride here and there but 3 places in one month (actually within 2 weeks). In the last paragraph I said:
“If I didn’t have a lot of money and had a friend who gave me rides when I needed or took a day to drive me almost 90 miles I wouldn’t wait for them to ask me to barter, I’d offer to do something they needed.”
I honestly don’t feel like I did anything to warrent a friend not talking to me for 2 months just because I asked to be compensated for 100 miles worth of driving. I’m not upset that our friendship has got to this only because this isn’t the first time somethings happened. I just can’t believe that I’ve been there for her when she’s needed a ride and once in 5 years I ask for a $40 hair color for free. Like I said I don’t think I was out of line but let me ask my fellow bees… what would you have done?
Merry Christmas !!