(Closed) I think we just broke up

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I am sorry you are having a tough time.

Your story is only half of the story, and cryptic at that so I dont feel anyone here can give you true advice.

But I do think you should ask yourself…

Are these excuses or real reasons (there are differnces, but sometimes a fine line) because it sounds like it was a very short time during all these events. Between thanksgivin and now is not long to save for a ring. 

However, that being said you know the whole story, but try to look at it from the other side. Your guy is trying to make his parents happy as well as you.  Maybe he is having trouble doing that? Again, its a short time this occurred so maybe he needs more time, or maybe you were right. Only you really know.

Try to be open minded as well as protecting yourself. Good luck

Post # 4
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

🙁 I’m so sorry.

There is a chance that he isn’t just making excuses, but it’s possible that he is. Your gut is probably right in this case though.

3 and 1/2 years and he still has a problem with your religious differences? Hmmm, generally my rule is I don’t even date someone who is going to have a problem with our religious difference if any.

Do whatever works for you, but my advice (not sure if you were looking for any, if not forgive me) is that Sunday is too soon. That’s tomorrow? Or in two days. Even if it’s not the end, give yourself some time to get grounded, then meet up if you want to.

Again, so sorry.

I have to agree that the timeline for all of this sh!t to go down is relatively quick, even though it probably seems like longer. And also, you have the whole story.

Post # 5
Member
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

*bee hug*

Did he say you were no longer a couple?

Post # 6
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m so sorry things aren’t going well!  I don’t really know the full story, but I’d say that you should probably have a calm, rational discussion about things.  He left and you both probably had some pretty hurt feelings and raw emotion.  Maybe meeting up on Sunday will be good for you.  Gives you some time to cool off and see things more clearly. 

Personally, my faith is really important to me so I couldn’t imagine marrying someone who felt differently.  It’s hard to understand unless you feel the same way.  Raising your kids that way is just one piece of the picture.  There’s a closeness that comes from being spiritually connected that I can’t really explain.  I’m not sure if this is your situation, but I just thought I’d mention it.  But, I can’t imagine why he would spend 3 1/2 years with you if he didn’t feel like he could marry you. 

It could be that he actually doesn’t have money for a ring, and if that’s the case you should talk about whether you want to wait until he does have the funds, or just get something cheaper now with the intentions to “upgrade” later.  There are a ton of inexpensive options that aren’t a D clarity, 2 carat diamond ring.  You can make it work, if this is actually the problem.  No way to know that without talking openly and honestly with him.

Best of luck!  I hope everything works out. 

Post # 7
Member
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

And as for ring funds, Mr. Dear said my ring was under 500 dollars.

Post # 10
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

@sepilove: Well, it sounds like you really have some …. clarity on how you feel in this situation. I guess cool down, figure out if you want to stay together, and then tell him what you just told us.

“i think if you love someone and you know you want to marry this person you will. if not, you won’t.”

He might not feel this way, it seems a lot of guys don’t and aren’t as decisive. If he doesn’t understand this or agree, you may want to consider finding someone who does. Someone with the same philosophy.

I hope you are doing ok

Post # 12
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@sepilove: Well, don’t give up hope.  My cousin was dating his now wife for 8 years before he proposed.  If you are going to be together, then you will be.  And if he’s worth the wait, then you should wait.  If not, then maybe it would be better if you went separate ways.  I still say talking to him about all of this calmly and rationally is your best option and the only way you’re really going to answer your questions. 

Post # 13
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@sepilove: We are not trying to tell you that you are wrong, just that we all have different perspectives and this isnt one that says one side or the other is a horrible person. 

Not everyone realizes everything that will effect their life right away, even if they know the detail (IE religion).  My FH was going to propose 2 years ago until his sister got engaged and i had to wait 2 years until she got married because he wouldnt do it while she was engaged. Not rationale at all, but it just was.  And it almost broke us, but it didnt.  Decide if he is you “one” and if you can discuss with him a timeline you are both OK with.  

Post # 14
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@sepilove: I completely agree.  He should have thought about it a long time ago.  But sometimes it’s hard to tell how something will affect you until you go through it.  It’s hard for both sides in a relationship where people don’t share the same religion.  I’ve been in relationships in the past where the guys weren’t Christians and it was tough.  Because for me, it’s a lifestyle.  Not just a religion.  So when I’m living that lifestyle and they’re not, it makes things really hard. 

I can see where that would be hurtful.  That comment is one of the major reasons why it’s hard for people who don’t share a faith to be in a relationship.  Because he truly believes that only people who believe what he does will live in that eternity.  Since you don’t fall into that category, that would make you someone who would not live in that eternity with him.  I mean, I know you get the idea of it.  But I’m just saying, he wasn’t saying it to be hurtful, he was being honest. 

Post # 16
Member
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@sepilove: Totally bring that up (in a non-accusatory way).

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