Post # 1
I wrote this post yesterday. After a discussion today, Fiance stated that he doesn’t think our issues are serious enough to call off our wedding. In short, I do. I do believe that we can resolve our issues but I would not feel comfortable getting married in the state that our relationship is in right now.
Also, he says he feels that postponing the wedding would be the “beginning of the end” and he is unsure that he would ever feel the same about me again. In other words, he’s not sure he would want to get married.
I planned to take a week or so to think this decision through and now I am even more confused because I thought that we would be postponing the wedding to work on our relationship not breaking things off entirely.
Our issues aren’t new ones but recently have become more worrisome to me perhaps because the wedding is getting closer. I am not sure.
There was a point in our relationship where I was completely happy. I am not there at the moment. I understand that relationships have their ups and downs but when I think of the wedding and our lives together I feel a bit of dread. In the very least, I have an overwhelming feeling that we need counseling as a couple and individually. Could I be overreacting? I just don’t want to do what so many couples I know have done, which is thought that it was just cold feet then ended up regretting their decision to get married.
Post # 3
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope that the two of you come to a mutually beneficial agreement. I’m glad you’re taking marriage seriously though
Post # 4
In the very least, I have an overwhelming feeling that we need counseling as a couple and individually.
I think you two would really benefit from getting pre-marital counseling now before you call off/postpone the wedding – it’s hard to know without knowing what the issues are if this is a cold feet thing that is fixable or if it is a serious issue, but it most definitely sounds like you should look into counseling ASAP as you decide what to do.
Post # 5
You should go with your gut. If you’re unsure about it, then postponing the wedding is the way to go. Breaking up is a scary prospect, but don’t let that fear lead you into an unhappy marriage.
Have you talked to him about your specific fears? Is he open to counseling?
Post # 6
You are such a smart lady…I had reservations about my relationship years ago before I married my 1st husband…I didn’t make the right choice and married him anyways because the ‘wheels were in motion’. I am just now at the end of an almost 3 yr divorce nightmare that has cost me thousands and thousands of dollars. If I had only listened to my intuition and at least considered counseling before marriage I might have saved myself alot of heartache. I am glad to hear you are taking things seriously and hope that you guys can work things out. If not, please do what is right for you.
Post # 6
As much as I don’t want to say this, it sounds like you need to postpone things. I don’t know what all your issues are, but it sounds like he thinks that getting married will fix everything. It might help for a little bit, but I think it would just be a quick cover up for a more serious problem. You mentioned in your other post that you want to see a counselor. Would he go with you? I really hope you rwo can work things out, but just remember (as hard as it is) that it’s better to figure things out before you’re married than to marry the wrong person.
Post # 7
I don’t know what the issues are, but if you’re not sure he’s the one for you, you should not get married. Did something change recently or is it that you suddenly have given it more importance? Are you giving it importance because it actually *is* important, or because you’re over thinking things out of anxiety about the wedding?
You really need to think about how you feel and analyze the situation. Perhaps try to take yourself out of it and see it from a different point of view. How would you feel if your sister or best friend were in the same situation? Talk to someone you can trust and who knows you to see if they can offer any advice.
A wedding should feel right. Starting off a marriage on the wrong foot or with serious doubts is not the way to go. If he decides to not stick around (which is a possibility considering he may not want to be with someone who is not sure), then you’ll know it wasn’t meant to be. Weigh your decision carefully, but his reaction should not be the basis for whatever you choose to do.
(If your past post history has anything to do with the matter, then I’d say call it off. Things don’t magically change after you’re hitched.)
Post # 8
@msfahrenheit: we have talked and our issues are about our communication (or lack thereof). He is open to counseling and actually made the call today.
Thank you all for your insight.
Post # 9
stick to your guns. My Fiance and I have made a point to deal with our issues head on before marriage…and though there isnt’ anything super serious there are some things I would feel like he was trying to avoid and minimize….but I wouldn’t let him and we came to an understanding on quite a few things.
I think it’s common for men to think things can be fixed later…that he will be on his best behavior after you get married…but the reality is that the honeymoon will be over before you know it. Speak now…or forever hold your peace!
Post # 10
@fresitachulita: In general he is much more optimistic than I am and I do believe he thinks that all will be fine. I just don’t think that way.
Post # 11
If postponing the wedding is the “beginning of the end” then so be it – what more of an answer do you need? Either it brings you closer together or it makes it more apparent that you aren’t the right ones for each other. Regardless, you get your answer and don’t have to wonder if you’ve made the wrong decision.