(Closed) I though my officiant was doing it for free?

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
23602 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oh gosh, this sounds pretty tricky…can your fiance just right out ask him if he’s planning on charging you, so that you can plan ahead?

Post # 4
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Figure out a way to ask politely and directly and do it soon.  Maybe ask your mom first since she pushed him on you.

Post # 5
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Your wedding is july 2013? If so, you got lots of time. 

I’d tell him I am planning my budget and I need to know his fee. If he gives you one, then come back to him in a month and say that you won’t need him after all because someone else offered their services as a gift. Oh, and accept that person’s gift before telling the other guy this.


Post # 6
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think most preform for free, but then you ‘tip’ them for the service.

Post # 7
3697 posts
Sugar bee

You should definitely not presume that his services will be for free. He may very well do it as his gift to you, but you need to let *him* make the offer. honeybee1999 offers good advice on how to feel out whether he’s planning to do so or not – and what to do if it turns out to be “not.”

Post # 8
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would expect to pay him at least something

Post # 9
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

This is happening to us with our DJ.  Our DJ is my Fiance cousin, whom they were very close when they were younger.  The cousin did Fiance brothers wedding for free.  I did not ASSUME he would do ours for free, but we thought maybe he might and he might give us a deal anyway.

So we asked hi to do our wedding. Asked him how much.  It is a whopping $400 (which is alot where I live) AND he wont book us until we give him a deposit.  Now we are obligated to hire him, instead of the other DJ who is only $200.

It sucks.  Look at it this way though, if this guy is going to charge you, so is all the other ones.  And you dont want to screw yourselves, but saying no to him, hiring someone else, and for some reason that one cant come and your stuck then you have to bite the bullet and ask this guy again.  Main reason why we are not changing our DJ. Plus the fact he will be at the wedding regardless so were in a pickle either way lol

Post # 10
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

A friend is doing ours, so we are only paying for his ticket out here.  It works out because where we are getting married is “home” for him.  He’ll probably come for xmas and NY and stay for the wedding.  That way he gets a free trip home for the holidays.

Post # 11
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yes, call up right away and ask what are the fees for her services.  If he says free, go through with the nice gift idea.

Post # 12
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think you should ever expect someone to do it for free – friend or not. You should ask him how much his services will be. If he is planning to do it for nothing, he will tell you that then.

Post # 13
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Our officiant charged $200 total for the ceremony and travel so definitely check with your officiant.  Maybe since he’s a friend of the family he will consider his services as a gift.   If that’s the case, a nice thank you (gift card) or what-not for him would be more that appropriate.

Post # 14
2743 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

I dont think you should expect this for free. We will hire an officient for our disney wedding. He wont be invited to our receptions though.

Post # 16
1358 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

With our friendors, we tried to be very up front about what our agreement was to avoid damaging our relationship with them over any miscommunications.

I would ask your officiant, politely but forwardly, if he is expecting a fee or tip for performing your ceremony. If he says he is not sure and asks what you had in mind, suggest that you would like to get him a gift or tip and say what you think is fair. If he offers you a price tag for his service, you can talk it over with your fiance to decide if you think the fee is fair or whether you want to seek someone else’s services.

For our officiant (who was ordained for the purpose of our ceremony), we offered to refund him the costs of ordination and also told him we would pay for his hotel room the night of the wedding. We told our photographer/videographer team, who were also friendors, that we would pay them $200 to take photos and we would edit the raw files ourselves, but we ended up giving them $500 because they did such a stellar job. We also told all our friendors not to give us wedding gifts, since their services were our gifts.

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