Post # 1
We are having a family friend be our officiant, which was kind of pushed on us by my mom, but we thought it would be find because we thought he was doing it for free because he is also invited to our wedding anyway. We were planning to give him a really nice gift or some money on the day of the wedding or during the rehearsal dinner. Also we are on an extremely tight budget. My fiance briefly talked to him on the phone about attire and when we should meet to talk about things. When he was talking to him my fiance felt like he was planning on charging us because he was talking “business”, but we don’t know how much though.
Should I be expected to pay him as if he was any officiant? Or since he is a family friend should I expect him to be nice enough to help us out? I don’t want to be rude, but I have another family member would already told us she’d do it for free.
Post # 3
Oh gosh, this sounds pretty tricky…can your fiance just right out ask him if he’s planning on charging you, so that you can plan ahead?
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Figure out a way to ask politely and directly and do it soon. Maybe ask your mom first since she pushed him on you.
Post # 5
Your wedding is july 2013? If so, you got lots of time.
I’d tell him I am planning my budget and I need to know his fee. If he gives you one, then come back to him in a month and say that you won’t need him after all because someone else offered their services as a gift. Oh, and accept that person’s gift before telling the other guy this.
Post # 6
I think most preform for free, but then you ‘tip’ them for the service.
Post # 7
You should definitely not presume that his services will be for free. He may very well do it as his gift to you, but you need to let *him* make the offer. honeybee1999 offers good advice on how to feel out whether he’s planning to do so or not – and what to do if it turns out to be “not.”
Post # 8
I would expect to pay him at least something
Post # 9
This is happening to us with our DJ. Our DJ is my Fiance cousin, whom they were very close when they were younger. The cousin did Fiance brothers wedding for free. I did not ASSUME he would do ours for free, but we thought maybe he might and he might give us a deal anyway.
So we asked hi to do our wedding. Asked him how much. It is a whopping $400 (which is alot where I live) AND he wont book us until we give him a deposit. Now we are obligated to hire him, instead of the other DJ who is only $200.
It sucks. Look at it this way though, if this guy is going to charge you, so is all the other ones. And you dont want to screw yourselves, but saying no to him, hiring someone else, and for some reason that one cant come and your stuck then you have to bite the bullet and ask this guy again. Main reason why we are not changing our DJ. Plus the fact he will be at the wedding regardless so were in a pickle either way lol
Post # 10
A friend is doing ours, so we are only paying for his ticket out here. It works out because where we are getting married is “home” for him. He’ll probably come for xmas and NY and stay for the wedding. That way he gets a free trip home for the holidays.
Post # 11
Yes, call up right away and ask what are the fees for her services. If he says free, go through with the nice gift idea.
Post # 12
I don’t think you should ever expect someone to do it for free – friend or not. You should ask him how much his services will be. If he is planning to do it for nothing, he will tell you that then.
Post # 13
Our officiant charged $200 total for the ceremony and travel so definitely check with your officiant. Maybe since he’s a friend of the family he will consider his services as a gift. If that’s the case, a nice thank you (gift card) or what-not for him would be more that appropriate.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2014 - Disney
I dont think you should expect this for free. We will hire an officient for our disney wedding. He wont be invited to our receptions though.
Post # 16
With our friendors, we tried to be very up front about what our agreement was to avoid damaging our relationship with them over any miscommunications.
I would ask your officiant, politely but forwardly, if he is expecting a fee or tip for performing your ceremony. If he says he is not sure and asks what you had in mind, suggest that you would like to get him a gift or tip and say what you think is fair. If he offers you a price tag for his service, you can talk it over with your fiance to decide if you think the fee is fair or whether you want to seek someone else’s services.
For our officiant (who was ordained for the purpose of our ceremony), we offered to refund him the costs of ordination and also told him we would pay for his hotel room the night of the wedding. We told our photographer/videographer team, who were also friendors, that we would pay them $200 to take photos and we would edit the raw files ourselves, but we ended up giving them $500 because they did such a stellar job. We also told all our friendors not to give us wedding gifts, since their services were our gifts.