(Closed) I thought he was "the one". What happened?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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kayla037 :  If he hasn’t done anything wrong, why would you stop seeing him?

Feelings level off as the relationship matures. Perhaps you are “getting over” the initial infatuation. Hang in there and see how things go.

Post # 3
Member
1383 posts
Bumble bee

It has only been a few months. At that stage, you don’t even know a person– never mind if they’re ‘the one.’ I would just enjoy the relationship for what it is instead of trying to figure out if he is your FH. 

Post # 4
Member
363 posts
Helper bee

I feel like if you broke up with him now for no real reason after being so happy in beginning, you might regret it. Months from now you might be asking yourself “what if?” Stick it out a little longer and see what happens. If this relationship isn’t for you, it isn’t for you, but at least you’ll be certain.

Post # 5
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

Of course things felt new and exciting in the beginning. That’s what happens. Even if you broke up with him, you’d probably feel the same way in the next relationship. Excited at first and then disappointed when the “honeymoon” phase begins to end. But if you’re not excited to even see him or don’t miss him, it might be time to take a step back from the relationship. Even when the newness fades, you should still be happy to see the person you love.

Post # 6
Member
6873 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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kayla037 :  I mostly disagree with the consensus. He’s out of country and you don’t even miss him?  That seems off to me.  Sure a day or two apart can be nice, but you should want to hear from him again.  If you do stick it out, go only long enough to see if you’re excited when he’s back and glad to be spending time together again.  If there is no spark, I don’t think that’s fading love or getting over the ‘honeymoon phase’, it’s fading lust and you need to break it off rather than stringing him along and hoping for the best.  That’s not fair to either of you.

Post # 7
Member
9154 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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kayla037 :  I’m going against the grain like 
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skunktastic : . It’s only been a few months, you don’t owe him anything except honesty. Dating is supposed to be fun. If it’s not fun, stop dating him. You had such strong emotions because he was a rebound. That’s normal. If you date a few other guys and notice a pattern, then maybe you need some introspection, but falling hard for a rebound and then realizing it’s not what you thought, that’s normal. I’m baffled by the advice to “stick it out” with someone you’ve been dating a few months. That’s why there are so many miserable posts on here that start out “we’ve been together 6 (4, 8, whatever) years…”  Why are people so afraid to say “this isn’t working out”? It’s not a big deal.

Post # 8
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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kayla037 :  I would wait until he comes back to make a final decision.  It does sound to me like he was a rebound, however things do tend to cool down after being with someone for a few months.  My husband is out of town for 3 weeks right now and honestly I’m doing just fine without him here.  I love him, of course I do, but I’m just fine without him here too.  A big part of that has to do with my independence…I’ve always been independent and always will be.  See how things are in the weeks after he gets back and if in that month after he returns you are still feeling this way, I would break it off.

Post # 9
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

My feelings for my fiance leveled out, even sunk at a point, but I always missed him. That’s a red flag. He still made me happy no matter what even when I wasn’t goo goo eyed 

Post # 10
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee

See how you feel when he comes back. I don’t think such strong and shifting emotions is normal, unless you are young btw. xo

Post # 11
Member
2990 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

That’s not normal. I had an LDR and it was really distressing being separated from DH l/then SO. Even after marriage I missed him when either of us traveled for work. 

My college roommate would cry so hard she’d throw up when her DH/then SO ended a visit. I’d hug her and make her a countdown calendar to his next visit.

I can’t even imagine feeling this way do I don’t know how to advise you exactly… I do think it would be awful to be broken up with while traveling so maybe see how you feel when he gets back and go from there? 

Post # 12
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee

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kayla037 :  I can definitely see both sides of the advice given.  On the one hand, it has only been a couple of months, and if he didn’t do anything wrong, it may be just the initial feeling of lust and rebound wearing off.  Of course everything is exciting in the beginning.  Long term relationships ebb and flow too but there should always be some sort of feeling of excitement when thinking about the other person.

At the same time, it may be better to cut your losses if you really no longer have interest in this guy.  It’s not fair to either of you for you to stay with him if you really don’t want to.  Life’s too short.

I would at least give it until he returns from Europe.  Maybe that spark will come back.

Post # 13
Member
7187 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

That’s a lot of pressure for someone you’ve only known for a few months to be “The One.”

I’m not sure if you should break up with him or not- I miss my husband sometimes, other times I can’t wait for him to leave (but I’m always happy to see him again). Maybe see how you feel when he returns or see what happens in the interim.

Post # 14
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2026

I had a high at the beginning when dating my husband too. Afterwards, even though he hadn’t changed, I started to look more critically into his behaviors because that initial “crush” feeling wore off. Unlike grade school, it does not last for months and months. You are an adult now and you need to make good judgment. 

As others have said, you should continue dating him for a bit longer. You don’t need to be feeling lovey dovey all the time to love and be with someone. 

Post # 15
Member
678 posts
Busy bee

Infatuation is common at the beginning of relationships. I am honestly surprised adults dont know that when they fall head over heels for someone right off the bat, that’s not actual love. You have no way of knowing if he is the one. I hope that doesn’t sound mean. That feeling will fade, and sometimes there will still be something there, but other times there is not. Maybe you should still give him a chance, though, but just keep it slow like you said.

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