(Closed) I thought I want kids but I'm getting so annoyed by other peoples kids

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
6430 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I don’t really like other people’s kids, but I love my kid. Sure, sometimes she does things that bother me or her crying gets annoying, but it doesn’t matter in the end.

Post # 17
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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emeraldine:  I do not like other people’s kids, aside from my nieces and nephews,  but I love my own children very much. I am also not good with kids, but I enjoy playing and spending time with my kids. I am not the only one in my family like this but we all love our own kids and each others kids. You will see, if you decide it is what you want. 

Post # 18
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I felt the same way, OP, and then I ended up having a baby.  Kids are still annoying, for sure, but it’s also different when they’re your kids, too.  

And also…  You will get annoyed by your baby’s crying.  You will dream about being somewhere else, ANYWHERE else, but can’t because you have to watch the baby.  There will be times at 3AM where you’re sitting on the floor by the baby’s crib, both of you crying uncontrollably while you think WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH MY LIFE I WANT OUT NOW.  And then your baby will learn to smile, then laugh — crawl, then walk. You will watch this little human lump of flesh slowly transform into a real, vivid, beautiful being and it’s really, honestly, a completely uniquely wonderful experience.  Your heart will literally break, from time to time, from love and pride.

And then that same beautiful toddler person will take off their diaper and smear their own feces on the wall and the dog and the carpet and the annoyance-i hate my life-love-pride cycle will begin anew.  

Child-rearing is hard.  So hard.  But rewarding, if you like children and want to be a parent.  You just have to discover what you want from life.  You can have a wonderful, full life with or without children.  But, my advice would be to ask yourself sincerely if you truly want to be a parent and to mother a child.  Think about the immense responsibility, and the sacrifices (little and great) that all parents make everyday.  If the answer is still yes, I want to be a parent, then you’ll manage the rest (somehow, it just happens, bit by bit) and you’ll make a great mother, I’m sure.  

Post # 19
Member
1564 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Bahahhaha! OP your post is adorable….I think I felt all those thinga but they never worried me because i was fairly confident that biology and true love would trump all. And I was right! When it’s your baby, from your loins….you find a way through even the hardest moments bevause you love him/her soooo much. And yah inhavr times I just feel and even say “this is bullshit!!” But i know I love my babies and can be a good mom. 

Post # 20
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m where you are at. I’m 25 and my other half is 29. He always wanted kids before 30 (but has adjusted that expectation) and I knew I always wanted kids. Then my mum had my brother when I was 14, and my other brother when I was 16. And I became a part-time parent, changing nappies, waking up at 3AM, and spending hours upon hours feeding them, changing them, and taking care of them and the urge went away until I met my other half. 

I wanted a baby so bad when we first met. All my friends were having kids and while I may have wanted a kid because “it was the cool thing to do”, I also knew that’s what I was thinking and made the very sound decision to not have kids. That kid would be 3. 🙂 

Now I get married in a couple of months (argh! under two months actually) and that urge is coming back. But then when I slept in until 1AM on Sunday, and when I remember we are heading to the US for three weeks for our honeymoon, and when I’m cleaning up puppy pee, I remember that I love my life as it is – without the pee. 

I think the more it becomes a real possibility, the scarier it becomes. 

But from PPs and friends of mine that HATED kids before they had them – it is different when it’s yours. And I truly have to believe that’s true otherwise I might not be having my own. 

Post # 21
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Yea I think most people feel this way. I find other people’s children hard to tolerate sometimes. 

But I think my one is great 🙂

Post # 22
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I have the same doubts as you.. Heck I can’t even take care of my cat properly, nor even plants… What am I gonna do with a baby?! I get annoyed pretty easily and am super impatient :s Fiance really wants kids but I’m afraid I’d be a horrible mother. Also I want us to spend a lot of time together without kids once we are married since we were together 9 yrs and never lived together… I’m really in no rush to add kids to the equation!!

Post # 23
Member
4126 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
emeraldine:  I absolutely hate other people’s kids. I am that person rolling my eyes when a child is running through a supermarket. I grimace when a family friend’s daughter has a hissy fit. I don’t want to be around other people’s kids, but I know for damn sure that I want and will love my own kids. It’s perfectly normal to not like other kids, but love your own. My mom was the same way: She loved her kids, hated other people’s kids. And she is an amazing mom! Don’t sweat it. 

Post # 24
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee

I always wanted kids – hell I begged my husband from right after marriage, but we waited. I had three, love them soooooooooo much. 

They are all older now (adults) , would I change anything ? absolutely not. Would I have thought about having not as many as three, absolutely.

They are for sure costly, it was hard and we struggled alot but we managed. 

Soon in a few years maybe I will be looking forward to grandkids, but as of now IM not . Im enjoying my child free days and exploring life without kids (hahaha) and when I do have grandkids Im going to spoil them rotten, sugar them up and give them back to their parents and laugh.

Post # 25
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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emeraldine:  I feel the same way! I’m 23 and Husband and I want kids some day. Deff not now though because I like my naps and sleeping late on weekends and all that fun stuff.

I feel you though. The other day we went to a restaurant and there was a mom with her 2 kids in front of us. The older one (who was probably like 6 or 7) was throwing a tantrum saying he didn’t want anything there. After a few minutes of arguing she didn’t order him anything. Then he threw a fit and started stomping that he didn’t get anything. Then she eventually got him food. She told him to “shhh” becuase he was still carrying on and he told her to shh back! Ohh if that would have been my kid I’d be like “uh hell no, we’re going home and you can tell dad what you did” lol. I could not believe how rude he was and how he was acting at his age. The younger one was ok until he annouced to the whole restaurant that he had to go number 2 like 4 times. lovely. I also used to work in a petstore and it was shocking the number of parents that had to pull crying/screaming kids out of the store because they couldn’t have a cat/dog.

My own cousin was hard to handle when she was little too. Once dinner was almost ready and she swore she needed a yogurt and started pulling on the fridge. I told her no then she laid face down and started screaming. Thank god this was at home and not in public. She got her yogurt anyway.

It just frustrates me. Especially since I was always a pretty obediant and on the go kid. I think I acted up in a store once, then I got in trouble and got a spanking and didn’t do it ever again. My brother threw tons of fits in stores and was always very antsy and didn’t like going out. I’m kind of scared to have kids because I always say “Oh my kid will be well behaved and won’t ever act like that in public” but they are little people, I know it’s bound to happen some day )having a tantrum in public). I know I’ll love my kids, but sometimes I question if I really want them.

Post # 26
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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future.mrs.koban:  oh goodness … that’s intense. 

Post # 27
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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halfling:  Have some sympathy for those parents, because your kid will absolutely act that way in public, at least once but probably many more times than you would like, no matter how good you are at teaching discipline.  That’s kids.  They are learning to navigate life, and are real people, not robots whose behavior you will be able to predict and control all the time.  My mother once told me that motherhood takes grim determination.  It’s true.  I’m sure there was not just one time ever that you acted up as a child; there were probably several embarassing baby/toddler moments for your parents that are just not remembered.  It happens.

The great thing is that they are not young forever.  Kids grow out of needing constant supervision and guidance, and throwing temper tantrums in public places (if you parent them right).

Post # 28
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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emeraldine: We want kids, but we have talked about how nice it would be to keep our freedom. And when it comes to babies, I really feel nothing for them. I don’t ever really have the desire to hold them or coo at them, etc. when I see one. But I’ve been told it’s different with your own and your maternal instincts will kick in. 

Post # 29
Member
8066 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yes that is normal and I felt like that.  But if you want a child someday or imagine one in your future then you will be fine and a good parent.  I felt like that and I had a baby and I love it so much.  But it’s HARD WORK.  Of course, they’re worth it and they make it totally worth the hard work (it’s hard to imagine, but it’s true).

And you don’t always get to sleep in, or travel at the drop of a hat or do whatever you want.  So that’s why I usually think 30+ is a great age for babies after you’ve had a long time to enjoy doing whatever the hell you want.

It’s normal to be annoyed by other kids but you won’t be by your own (well not in the same way lol).  I still don’t like plenty of kids and I have a 13mo old.  Our neighbor kids (like 7, 8 yo) can  be so annoying sometimes.  I LOVE some of my good friends kids though!

But still, you don’t have to have kids if you don’t want to.  If you decide you don’t really want any, don’t have them!  But if you think you want 1, rest assured your feelings are normal and you would be a great parent when the time comes.

Post # 30
Member
289 posts
Helper bee

I was the same when I was young and career minded. I thought I didn’t want kids and neither did my partner at the time (later DH).

Then my elder sister had a baby. And that all changed. I’m so glad I’ve had children of my own now even though its hard.

Though I understand wanting to be childless while your young, seeing the happiness my parents have gained from having a ‘family’ down the road has also further justified my choice to have children despite hesitations. It’s more than just being a ‘Mum’ to me.. its being a grandma one day too. I think some people don’t realise just how much you can miss out on down the line. 

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