Post # 1
So I don’t know what to do I guess I set myself up for this one. So my bridesmaids consist of two cousins from my dad’s side, my sister and my best girlfriend. My mom made a comment initially what if your two cousins on my side get upset. I told her my one cousin is dealing with her two kids, planning a wedding of her own and has literally no money. The other cousin lives in New York is going to school so I know she doesn’t have the time or money to contribute as well. Now my aunts are calling my mom and guilt tripping her into making my cousins part of my wedding. She is saying my cousin in New York’s boyfriend wants to pay for her dress and plane ticket. I don’t want to worry if she is going to be here or not. I told my mom that if they continue to guilt trip her that I will just call the wedding off and elope it’s not fair for them to make me feel like a bad person when it isn’t there day.
I must say that my whole extended family is close in that we see each other for Thanksgiving and Christmas but that is about it for my mom’s side. My dad’s side we spend ALOT of time with always hanging out. I am significantly closer to my cousin’s on my dad’s side. I haven’t seen my cousin in New York or spoke to her in 2 years and I don’t really see my cousin who lives in Florida more then 2 twice a year maybe if she comes to the family get togethers and we never speak.
Should I make them part of the wedding? What would I make them?
I have a pretty big wedding party for the amount of people I am inviting.
Post # 3
I straight up wouldn’t give a shit and a half. I’d say I’m sorry my bridal party my choice. Then tell my mom to think of something for them to do like hand out programs before ceremony (similar to ushers)
Post # 4
Maybe they can do readings or be ushers instead?
Post # 5
Do what YOU want!! I learned the hard way! A year of tears and arguments happened then MrN & I decided to just say screw it and plan a small wedding and tell ppl afterwards!
We had only a Bridesmaid or Best Man & MoH stand up for us, I had 2 guests attend our wedding who were originally in our wedding party (MrN’s sister & my oldest friend) and neither of them were upset.
I say tell your mom & aunts to back off, its NOT their wedding.
Post # 6
I feel for you! I am having a similar problem with Future Mother-In-Law and her daughter. She is guilting me because i had not included her in the bridal party, and is upset/mad that i did not include her (a little background, she is a person with special needs. The main reason i did not ask her was because i know that she will have a hard time sitting still or quiet for the duration of the ceremony, and i know that she would be more comfortable sitting with her mom then up at the front with all eyes on her. I tried to explain that to Future Mother-In-Law with no results) She cries and brings it up as horrible moments to try and continue to guilt me or my Fiance into giving in, but i am sticking to my guns. That is what i suggest you do to. It is hard i know, but if they will not listen to reason then there is not much else that you can do!
Post # 7
@MrsN2Be: I totally agree. I tried to make my wedding the way the rest of the family wanted it, and I just ended up in tears every other day. Don’t do it. It really, truly, does suck. Technically, the bridesmaids should be women you are close to. If you’re closer to the cousins on your dad’s side, then they can be your bridesmaids – no one else gets to pick who you’re closer to
Post # 8
Post # 9
@Klein2bReidy: you don’t haven’t spoken to them in 2 years. case closed, they’re not bridesmaids! repeat ‘we haven’t spoken in two years, we are not close’ as many times as it takes for it to sink in.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
Don’t give in the the pressure. I would just explain to your cousins or to your aunts the reasons you gave us — your cousins seem either really busy or long distance, and being a bridesmaid can take up a lot of time, requires some commitment in dress fittings, events, etc, and you’re simply not as close to them, unfortunately. Don’t give in!! You will be much happier and stress free if you don’t!