- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I became engaged about 2 months ago and we’re aiming for next October (10/13/13!) When we became engaged I immediately know I needed to get three things out of the way ASAP, venue, photographer and officiant. DJs all play the same music. Cakes all taste similar. But those three things were one of a kind and I didn’t want to compromise.
We booked our venue and ceremony for a really cute and romantic restaurant (Caffe Luna). I think it is PERFECT for our sized wedding and for our budget. It isn’t the Grand Marquis Country Club, but that was never what we wanted. Plus with their price comes pretty much EVERYTHING except for photographer, officiant, entertainment, cake and decorations. I was REALLY happy with this decision.
Well this weekend, my fiance’s parents came into town and insisted on seeing the venue. His mother is VERY disappointed to say the least. It is downtown (which is exactly what we wanted) and next to the bus depot (which doesn’t matter as we’re not going to have anything out there). They were closed when we walked by, so she could only press her nose up to the glass while I described where everything was and how things worked.
She has flat out said that they want to pay for the top floor of the tallest building in our area, which does weddings. Those rooms are huge and not what we want. Plus it’d be a $2000 deposit which would include NOTHING versus a $3500 cost which includes everything from ceremony to cake cutting and a day-of coordinator. It’s nice that she wants to contribute but that isn’t what WE want.
Then it got worse. My fiancé is an ex-Catholic turned atheist. I am an ex-Jew turned atheist. We both are standing firm that the ceremony is NOT going to involve god. We want the ceremony to be something we believe in, not something which caters to our parents’ whims. We’re willing to compromise on a lot of things, but how the most important part of the day is done is not an option. Without a ceremony we believe in, it’s just a really expensive party.
My parents aren’t thrilled with my religious choices but they respect them and understand that it is our day and asking us to bend to something we don’t believe in is unreasonable. The future-MIL does NOT. She went on about how her son owes her at LEAST this, how ungrateful we are to do this to her, how if we don’t get married by a priest, the church won’t recognize him as married and how if we’re not having a religious marriage, why even bother getting married since it doesn’t matter if god isn’t watching.
I was hoping I’d escape in the clear without anyone making unreasonable demands for our wedding. My fiancé and I were both VERY clear on this and she knows that we’re not willing to budge on this matter. She’s the kind of person who will find fault in everything and believes that if she isn’t the one doing it, it’ll be done wrong. After 7 years of being with my future husband, I really don’t want to start not getting along with his mother now.
There’s no real cry for help, this is just another post among thousands of people frustrated with overly controlling family members making unreasonable demands!