- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
Good evening ladies, This is long and I am so sorry but very important.
Here is my story, and I am sure yall have heard it all before so if you could give me some advice…
I am engaged to an amazing man, he is sweet, caring, funny…everything that a girl would want- so what is my problem???
When I was 15 I met my high school sweetheart, we were everything to eachother…and I mean everything (think the notebook movie, that was us!) We were so happy, and we were eachother’s first EVERYTHING. Other than silly high school drama and a few arguments, we were great. We dated all through the rest of high school, we even got full ride scholarships to the same school (out of state might I also add). He got a scholarship to play football, and I got a scholarship to dance. The plans were to go together then come home and live happily ever after…Until I messed it all up!
I decided about 2 weeks before high school was over that I wanted to go away for the summer (I wanted to spread my wings and work at a camp that was quite a way from my hometown…with out the Boyfriend.) I wanted to experience life, but I always expected to return home, and then leave for school together. That sounds great in theory, but I decided while I was a way to “fall” for another boy and turn down my scholarship and not go with my now ex-boyfriend (big mistake for a silly boy that lasted 5 months!)
So there we were, ex high school sweetheart living his dream out of state playing college football, and me without a scholarship and without my sweetheart. Through all of this we tried to get back together, but from past issues we just could never be on the same page at the same time. That was our biggest downfall, because our timing was always off.
I decided to part ways several times to try to move on with my life, because I expected him to do that since he was in another state! I never fully got over him, and when we would talk or date again we just always thought and said to eachother that even though we went separate ways…we would eventually end up together.
Fast forward a couple of years, he comes home for a school break and we decide to go on a date. This ends up in an argument over the past and our timing issues, and whos fault it was that we were not together…The fight ends and we decide it would be best to just once again go our separate ways, even though we loved eachother, and expressed that to each other.
Two weeks later, I met my now fiance…In the weirdest of ways. At the time I was living with a family member, and we were talking the night before about how sad I was about the whole relationship thing… and how I had given up on it all. My family member told me to give love one more try to see what happens. The next day my now fiance and I saw each other at a gas station of all places!!! There was instant chemistry, and a weird feeling of happiness, and that we needed to get to know eachother!
Since then it has been a magical relationship of happiness, and he proposed about a year after met and I was soooo happy. But since the engagement, I have had these horrible feelings of my ex, and how I was supposed to end up with him. I always thought, well we always thought that after we both grew up and discovered our paths that we would end up back together. We still have so much love for eachother, and we talk on occasion (in a friendly way… nothing more… I swear…) but it is still just so weird, and it honestly is so strange that I still keep having these feelings.
These feelings are so strong that I am really considering ending the engagement, even though I LOVE my fiance… but I do not understand my heart.
I love my fiance, but why am I still thinking about my ex?
What should I do, because I do not want to hurt anyone… and I do not want to marry the wrong person or miss out on marrying the right person. I am a mess.