(Closed) I thought I was ready for marriage to him

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ask yourself some questions and do a little soul searching before having this conversation with your boyfriend.

What is your goal in this relationship?  In other words, is your goal to bring him closer to you or push him away from you?  If you want to push him away, go ahead and tell him what you wrote above.

If you want to bring him closer, then think about this:  Arguments take two people.  From what you’ve said I don’t know what the argument was about, but one thing I take from your words is you wanted him to agree that you were RIGHT and he was WRONG.  You were telling him “this” and telling him “that.”  So, that’s no way to argue correctly, on your part, either.

Both of you are in the wrong here. 

If you want to bring him, or any other human being for that matter, closer to you – here are some tips:

Treat people with kindness, patience and respect.  Listen to what they have to say.  Don’t escalate an argument with a loved one (especially a man, men are more sensitive to certain things than we are) by “telling” the other person something when they’re already heated.  Nobody is ever going to respond well to that kind of behavior. 

You can’t put the blame solely on him, both of you have some communication/maturity issues to resolve here.

Post # 5
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with you; you should wait before moving in or to the next level. He has some growing up to do and that should be down prior to any move in or engagement. Take your time because relationship and moving in only complicates matters. Who knows you might decide later that you dont want to be with him at all and it would be harder to get out if you both live together.

Relationships are hard and they are even harder when you seem more mature than your partner.


Post # 7
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@morenitabee:  Kudos to you for knowing exactly you need to do for yourself..Too many of us give up too much of ourselve for a dream when we need to put ourselves first and do what is best for us.

You are definitely doing the right thing..You are right by not bring it up tonight give it some time and tell him what you think is best for you and what you are expecting in a relationship and there is not compromising on the serious issues.

He will be upset because most men would take it as a rejection when you put yourself first. He needs to work on himself and not expect you to take what he is giving because you love him. You love yourself more than any relationship and that will make him respect you more because you know what you deserve and what you need in a relationship and will not settle.


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