(Closed) I thought this wouldn’t happen to me .. but it is …

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I can understand being hurt.  I bet she is having some day-after remorse, too, and doesn’t know how to talk to you either.

Sometimes it’s tough to be a bridesmaid when you have no wedding in sight yourself.  Been there, done that.  I’m not justifying her actions, but alcohol does have a way in shutting off the censor switch.  Give it a few days.

Post # 4
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I actually like your reply.  I’m sure that anyone who knows you knows that you’re not the kind of person to steal someone else’s idea and pretend like it was yours all along.  Seriously, that girl isn’t even engaged, so there will probably be a big gap between your wedding and hers.  Styles vary so much between two people that even if you both have the same theme, your weddings will turn out looking completely different.  I’ve seen different weddings that started with the same theme and turned out totally different and unique.

Post # 5
1765 posts
Buzzing bee


It’s true that you will have different things to do with that theme, and later she can still choose the same color and theme, and it will be totally different than yours.  I think your answer was good!  If she does like something of yours, she could use it after you, and save herself some money.  Who knows, by the time she gets engaged, she may totally change her ideas of colors and theme. I wouldn’t worry about it at all. But I also wouldn’t share any of my ideas with her!!! 🙂

Post # 6
841 posts
Busy bee

Your reply was awesome!!! :). One: you put her in her place. Her comment was just rude. And two: you were right. When she has her wedding, she can do whatever she wants. There is no need to be so… catty. Ick. Congrats to you, though! And Good luck >.<

Post # 7
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I know how you feel – everything I discussed with my Bridesmaid or Best Man she said “OOOOhh! I wanna do that!” >:( the only thing is, her wedding will be before mine so it will look like I ripped HER off! gah! I’ve had to stop talking to her about any plans

Post # 8
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you handled it well.  But you have chosen your BMs REALLY early, since your wedding isn’t until 2011.  It’s possible she’ll get engaged and married in that time, and maybe she still wants to use those colors and that theme.  If you don’t have a problem with having all those elements the same, then I’d let her comment roll off your back.  She can do what she wants at her wedding, you do what you want for yours.  But I would be careful if she keeps saying things like that.  You should talk in private about why comments like that are insulting, and hopefully she’ll refrain from saying hurtful things in the future.  If she can’t, maybe she’s not cut out to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man.  You need support, not someone cutting at you in public!

Post # 9
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I know I want to use roughly the same theme my BF’s cousin used – blue and orange (long story.)  She and her BMs made their own dresses.  The BMs had medium blue satin dresses (almost periwinkle) with bright orange tulle sashes, and the bouquets were also DIY with silk flowers in blue, orange, and white.  I plan on doing navy blue spaghetti strap dresses from DB, with soft orange roses in colorful bouquets.  Her wedding was in a beautiful medieval-style chapel.  Mine will be an outdoor wedding on my parents’ property.  Unfortunately, she DID use exactly the same ceremony music I wanted, but I don’t think it’ll be a big deal.  She had a cake and punch reception in the church’s basement.  I’ll have an outdoor reception with board games and crayons on the tables and fireworks.  Same themes – budget blorange – but completely different styles.

Post # 11
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@baileysbride2be: Honestly, have the difficult conversation. Sit her down and say, “Hey, what was said the other night really disturbed me and I thought we needed to have a talk and clear the air.” Explain to her right off that you had no idea that she wanted those same aspects, but no matter what, you’ll be there to help her get her own ideas, so even if the theme is the same, the result won’t be!

This girl has probably been bottling up these feelings for a long time and they came out at the worst moment, but that doesn’t mean you both have to suffer from now ’till eternity.

You should not have to feel relieved that she won’t be coming to the planning session. Iron it out now. By helping resolve her issues, you’re not only deepening your friendship and coming out as the bigger person, but you’re also helping resolve your issues and getting rid of tensions you should not have to carry.

Remember to use i-statements: “I felt hurt/shocked/nervous when you said that and I wanted to get it out in the open so we could move past it.”

Post # 12
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@lilacwire:  I completely agree with this. It will be a difficult conversation, but you will both get to clear the air.. I guarantee it would be MORE difficult and uncomfortable to ‘sweep this under the carpet’ and participate in a wedding together while you both still have negative feelings about this.

Even if she tries to brush it off, persist until you are satisfied that the situation has been resolved between you.

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