Post # 1
We want to invite 50 to 100 people, and have it outside near a beach. He wants to move out of the state, I want to wait to move until after the wedding. His family is here, and while mine isn’t really moving would still put us farther away. He agreed. I assumed he wanted to get married the summer of this year so we could move, but he doesn’t think it’s enough time so he was thinking next summer. I know this summer seems fast but next summer just seems so far away.
That also means I’ll be married at 30 and I was thinking wed be talking kids then.
He also really doesn’t want to get married local and I’m having a hard time finding a compromise. He wants to wait so we can save more.
Post # 2
To make a compromise, he has to bend too. If you’re willing to move for him, he should be willing to compromise on when you marry.
Post # 3
futuremrshaynes331 : There is always a reason to wait to do something, whether it be move or get married. There will never be a perfect time, you can always save more money, wait until a better house becomes avilabile etc etc etc.
“Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans”
Just sit down and talk with your partner. Discuss a real, manageable timeline. Ask him his reasoning for wanting to wait longer. Listen and don’t interrupt, hear him and his concerns. Tell him yours, talk abouit children and how much lnoger you are willing to wait. Create a timeline that you are both happy with.
I feel like the best thing is to just schedule a time to sit down and have a real, serious discussion about your future and a timeline for when you want thigns to happen. And don’t stress if kids happens a year or two after you had initialyl planned. I wanted to already have my first child by 30, but I will turn 30 just after my wedding. Plans don’t always work out, but I feel like you two can find a compromise that will make you both happy.
Post # 4
He doesn’t want to financially bury us. But the big thing is the where he wants to get married. Hes been married before here so he wants to go south or somewhere else, I get it, but it’s so much less stressful to plan local.
Post # 5
I also wanted to be married by 27 and have kids at 28, life does not work the way we want it to. I ended up getting married 2 months before my 30th birthday and we will become parents at 32. It is not any less special.
I guess what I am trying to say is, don’t have expectations and put an age limit on things. I did, and I was just slightly dissapointed, but honestly, looking at it from today’s perspective, I am SO GLAD we did not get married at 27 and had kids at 28!! It works for a lot of people, but I just don’t think we were mentally ready for it at 27/28.
Best of luck with whatever you decide.
Post # 6
That’s true too, I think I assumed this summer because of our plan to move after the wedding, I’d think he’d want to move sooner.
I’ll ask him to think on it and I will too. We also don’t know if my parents are planning to help.
Post # 7
I can see it from his point of view financially. He’s been married before, he knows how expensive and how much of a fianancial toll it can take on a couple. You said you just assumed it would be this summer.
Did you guys have a sit down to plan the date together and all the details? From the vague details you’ve provided, it doesn’t seem as though you guys are clearly communicating your thoughts.
Post # 8
In two of your three posts in this thread you used the word assume. So of course you aren’t on the same page, because if you were you wouldn’t have assumed anything. You would have discussed it in far greater detail and communicated clearly, leaving nothing to assumptions.
So your first order of business is drop all assumptions, both of you communicate clearly what each wants including timeframes, and then rank and prioritize these wants. You can’t begin to compromise until you have it all on the table, prioritized so you know what you’re each willing to trade off to make it happen in a way that meets both of your needs. Then you can begin to make a plan to make it happen – like creating a budget and savings plan.
Post # 9
I used assume because I thought it was implied but it wasn’t said. He said summer, and that hed marry me tomorrow if he could. And since he wants to move, I asked if we could wait until after the move I wouldn’t have thought he’d be willing to wait almost 2 years to move. So it was an assume, but it seemed the logical assumption. I’ve stopped assuming but that’s why I used that word in my post.