I thought we were on the same page on when we wanted to get married…

posted 7 months ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

To make a compromise, he has to bend too. If you’re willing to move for him, he should be willing to compromise on when you marry.

Post # 3
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

futuremrshaynes331 :  There is always a reason to wait to do something, whether it be move or get married. There will never be a perfect time, you can always save more money, wait until a better house becomes avilabile etc etc etc.

“Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans”

Just sit down and talk with your partner. Discuss a real, manageable timeline. Ask him his reasoning for wanting to wait longer. Listen and don’t interrupt, hear him and his concerns. Tell him yours, talk abouit children and how much lnoger you are willing to wait. Create a timeline that you are both happy with. 

I feel like the best thing is to just schedule a time to sit down and have a real, serious discussion about your future and a timeline for when you want thigns to happen. And don’t stress if kids happens a year or two after you had initialyl planned. I wanted to already have my first child by 30, but I will turn 30 just after my wedding. Plans don’t always work out, but I feel like you two can find a compromise that will make you both happy.

Post # 5
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

I also wanted to be married  by 27 and have kids at 28, life does not work the way we want it to. I ended up getting married 2 months before my 30th birthday and we will become parents at 32. It is not any less special.

I guess what I am trying to say is, don’t have expectations and put an age limit on things. I did, and I was just slightly dissapointed, but honestly, looking at it from today’s perspective, I am SO GLAD we did not get married at 27 and had kids at 28!! It works for a lot of people, but I just don’t think we were mentally ready for it at 27/28.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

 

 

Post # 7
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

I can see it from his point of view financially. He’s been married before, he knows how expensive and how much of a fianancial toll it can take on a couple. You said you just assumed it would be this summer.

Did you guys have a sit down to plan the date together and all the details? From the vague details you’ve provided, it doesn’t seem as though you guys are clearly communicating your thoughts. 

Post # 8
Member
4135 posts
Honey bee

In two of your three posts in this thread you used the word assume.  So of course you aren’t on the same page, because if you were you wouldn’t have assumed anything.   You would have discussed it in far greater detail and communicated clearly, leaving nothing to assumptions.

So your first order of business is drop all assumptions, both of you communicate clearly what each wants including timeframes, and then rank and prioritize these wants.  You can’t begin to compromise until you have it all on the table, prioritized so you know what you’re each willing to trade off to make it happen in a way that meets both of your needs.  Then you can begin to make a plan to make it happen – like creating a budget and savings plan.

 

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