Post # 1
This past weekend J and I were out and about around town and he got on the subject of our wedding (again), telling me that he wants to be different and have our reception at a different place than where the rest of my family had theirs (we can get a deal at a certain hall and that’s where we all typically go cuz we know the owners). Anyhoo, I kept my mouth shut, but he kept going on and on. FINALLY, I said: “We need to concentrate on getting engaged FIRST before we start talking about and planning our wedding J. Which, by the way, I don’t want you spending a lot of money on a ring. Please don’t talk to our friend Sean about rings and prices because his wife has VERY expensive taste. I don’t want you spending more than $3000 on me, and even then, $3000 is A LOT of money. Just buy what you can afford, and ignore the ‘three-months-pay’ rule. Please don’t spend a lot of money on me.” One thing lead to another about wedding receptions, etc, and I told him that we would need at least 6 months to a year to book a hall. You can’t just call up some place and expect it to be available in a month. He knew this (thank god). But I’m glad I got all of that out in the open.
Now that he knows that I don’t want him spending a lot on a ring, maybe (hopefully, fingers crossed) my wait won’t be too much longer.
Post # 3
thats really good you were able to discuss it I think.
Im sure whatever ring, whatever the price you will love it. 🙂
Post # 4
That’s great! Really great about warning him about the friend’s wife.LOL I hope the wait is shorter now for you!
Post # 5
Hi Gwen, was wondering where you went. I’m going to be so happy when J proposes. I’ve been following your stories 🙂
Post # 6
I’ve been seeing that a lot lately on these boards. People are planning their weddings without the engagement. People are booking halls and getting caters. I’m glad your the level headed one in the relationship. I think what you are doing is perfect. Its fun to see the guy acting like the girl.
Post # 7
Good for you. I’m glad you were able to say, hey let’s focus on getting engaged first before we focus on the reception. Also by making the comment on the price of the ring, being something he can afford, he can’t make price of the ring an excuse for not proposing. Once again good for you.
Post # 8
@MsMamaBear: I know, I was so scared that he spoke to our friend for advice on rings because our friends wife told me that J spoke to Sean about ‘stuff’ a few months ago. I didn’t want J getting the wrong idea!
@bRooklynRocks: We were just running some errands and happen to pass by a banquet hall where the were building a hotel on site. That’s what started it.
@cincity75: We’re not planning at all… He just always stuff like “It would be awesome to have THIS or THAT”. But I told himthat it hurts when we ‘plan’ stuff cuz I don’t have a ring yet. I’m trying to remind him that we need to get engaged before we do or talk about any of this.
@7mom: Thanks. I’m trying to make it REALLY easy for him to do this.
Post # 9
I heartily agree with 7mom! Awesome use of redirection. It keeps him focused on engagement instead of skipping right into the fun wedding details.
As an aside, am I just really freaking old or do I live under a rock or something? When did three months salary become the norm for an e-ring budget? I just did the math and I would have a fit if Fiance spent that much on my ring.
Post # 10
@Ms. Pink Scrubs: It’s a De Beers tactic to get a guy to spend more on a diamond. I would kill SO if he spent 3 months salary on a rock.
Post # 11
@Miss Tattoo: I have some pretty harsh opinions of the De Beers “cartel” so I’m not surprised to hear such a ludicrous standard would come from them.
Post # 12
I think engagements have something special about them when you wait to plan the wedding until after. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with flirting with the idea of planning so good for you for setting a boundary on the things that are important to you! Good luck! Can’t wait to hear more of the story you two are telling!
Post # 13
I’m glad he’s on the same page with you. Now for the ring!! Good Luck!
Post # 14
@Gwen von D:
Funny, but I had this conversation with my Boyfriend or Best Friend this weekend as well. He was bringing up how we will file our taxes once we are married, how we will manage with my going back to school and his being my husband… TIME OUT! You must propose to me first! I told him that I love talking, but I cannot and will not plan my future on words alone. He’s had the ring for a month now, and I finally told him that all of this talk with no action is rather mean. He talks about our getting married every day. It’s become quite frustrating.
Post # 15
Like some of the PPs, I also think you and J have an interesting relationship — he keeps bringing up wedding stuff and you keep asking him to stop! 🙂 I, too, have been following your posts since I joined the ‘Bee a few months ago, and I am going to do a happy dance when he finally does ask you.
Post # 16
@MapleMoose: It’s so tough NOT to talk about it because it gets me so excited that he’s actually thinking in detail about our future, but at the same time… I want him to just stop talking and get on with it. Actions speak louder than words! I think I’ve done an ok job so far with keeping quiet. When he brings it up I sometimes add my two cents, but then I force myself to say to him: “We need to concentrate on getting married FIRST.” I don’t think men realize sometimes that they need to get down on one knee BEFORE you start planning the wedding. I try to remind him of that when he brings it up.
I’ve read “Why Men Marry B*tches” and that seemed to have helped my attitude towards this whole waiting period. J knows that if I had it my way, we’d be married and pregnant by now LOL. The only thing keeping me somewhat sane: He told me on two separate occasions that he’ll have enough money for a ring by January… Two months to go. So many times I think to myself: “Maybe he just said that to throw you off…!? Maybe it will happen sooner!?!?” Then I slap myself out of it and try to think realistically. My face is crimson.