(Closed) I totally messed up

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1726 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You go, girl! Haha, good for you! I don’t think you said anything that you shouldn’t have. It seems like you guys have the type of relationship that this kind of subject can be brought up openly and honestly without any element of nagging, KWIM?

That is frustrating though. Hmm… sooo maybe he’s using that term to mean something else than what you’re interpreting. With the comment about steps needing to be taken when you’re not around, I think what he really means with the whole “efficiency” thing is that he’s been dropping the ball lately when it comes to taking advantage of opportunities to get things lined up when he has the chance. Well, wait a minute. I guess that would be procrastination. lol.

But you’re right! It’s not like you guys are attached at the hip. What steps could he possibly need to take that he can’t do during the day when you aren’t with him? If it’s ring shopping, whether online or in a store, I’m with you on the “if he wants it to happen he’ll make it happen” idea. Do it on your lunch break, dude. It starts to become hurtful to think about how if it’s not happening, he doesn’t want it as badly as you. Maybe you should tell him that’s how you see it, so he’ll know that he’s not just frustrating you, he’s making you doubt his intentions and it’s creating insecurity.

sigh… Keep us posted and come back for a vent whenever you want, of course! ๐Ÿ™‚


Post # 5
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow! I think you need to back off. He said “lack of efficiency,” that could very well mean that he wants to save a lot of $ or he’s taking time to make a decision because he wants to do it right. Him saying “not procrastination” sounds like he is planning something elaborate. And “steps need to be taken… to keep it a surprise” sounds incredibly sweet to me. It sounds like he is trying to do a really nice thing for you! I totally do not understand why it was a good idea to “let him have it” at that point..?????? If I was him I would be totally pissed at you, it sounds like he is building up for an incredible proposal and you are being mean.

Post # 6
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I totally know that feeling like “he’s so close” yet “so far from it.” Very frustrating.  Just enjoy your time right now!

Post # 7
1332 posts
Bumble bee

@lezlers…I know how you feel, it hurts my feelings sometimes that BF hasn’t done it yet.  I have to let that thought go or else I would be out of my mind again.  When that was going on I was totally mean to him all the time!

I think his steps are getting the proposal you want though so take that to heart  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree completely with snowflake. It sounds to me like he needs you out of the house to make something really special and if you’re gone fo 11 hours a day, then it seems like it’s something SUPER elaborate. Especially since he preferred the word “meticulous” to “procrastinating.”

My unsolcited two cents: I, personally (I’m not saying this is right or that you should be more like me or anything. you mentioned you’re impatient so I can definitely see how this is very frustrating for you), would rather wait a little longer and get out of the way a bit for him to have a big surprise for me than rush him into something less spectacular than he was hoping/planning–if I was in your shoes.


Post # 10
90 posts
Worker bee

I understand how frustrating it can be, but let him do it in his own time.  If not, it will never feel real.

Post # 12
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I think we can all relate to how frustrating waiting can be… but it does sound like he just wants a bit of space so that he can surprise you. While us girls would just be happy with some sweet words, and the ring, for boys this is a HUGE step and they want to make it the best proposal they can.

They seem to value surprising us girls, I know my friend had been seriously waiting for a proposal for like 8 months but her boy just wanted to surprise her! He never could becuse she was so suspicious ALL the time “oh, going out for dinner hey, why? where? should I wear something nice?” In the end he just wrapped it and put it under the christmas tree.

Its hard not to get angry when you know they have the money and COULD propose but just try to enjoy your time together and not get so anxious for it.

Post # 15
102 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
@lezlers: I’m still a little confused about why you got upset. Maybe he’s just not quite ready. Have you been dating long? If he’s not ready yet then you don’t want to marry him right now right? And Would you want to have someone critizing how you spend all your spare time and then yelling at you telling you that you’re not thinking about them enough? Maybe you should appologise. I mean don’t deny how you feel but still apologise for the way you reacted and explain to him why you feel that way.

I totally used the octipi engagement story as a jumping off point to tell my bf exactly how I felt. “I read on that site i like to go to that there’s actually a ton of girls waiting to so long to get engaged that they get so upset and fight about it that when it eventually comes they feel like they forced them into it. I don’t want to be that person so I’m going to try and tone it down a little but please don’t make me wait a very long time.” He might suprise you by letting real hint slip out when you’re honest and he’s not just responding to your teasing…mine did

The topic ‘I totally messed up’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors