- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
Dearest waiting bees,
I tried my best to ignore all the symptoms for as long as I could, but alas, I’m waiting. I’ve been looking at rings for a while (we did talk about this a few times), I love planning my fantasy non-traditional wedding (in my head), and don’t get me started on Pinterest…
So, this is where we stand. We are in our mid-late 20s, live in NYC, both have good stable jobs and are financially secure. We’ve been dating for 2.5 years, ‘involved’ for really 4 years, and friends for 5. We live together (20 months) and are legally domestic partners for insurance purposes. We are pretty open and honest about most everything, know each other’s finances very well, talk about our hopes and expectations for the future regularly (luckily we’re on the same page), and dream up future fun together (houses, kids, trips, etc). We do talk about marriage, and have both said many times that we want to be together and are planning to get married. So, while I didn’t think I would be one to rush into things or care too much about engagement, all of a sudden, I do!! (A common ailment, I hear).
I almost never bring up engagement, but we have spoken about how I find it frustrating that I don’t get any say in this. Last June he mentioned something to the tune of – being married in the next 18 months sounds about right. But in January I mentioned that, and he thinks he meant engaged, which I probably could’ve guessed. He’s a guy, he doesn’t think in terms of timesline like we do. Though sometimes he’ll say, ‘Say in a year we want to start trying for kids…’ Confusing much?
Anyway, last we spoke about engagement, we had a little tiff because he thought I was trying to figure out when exactly we would be getting engaged (who, me?). I just want some idea of when he envisions things, but we’re not timeline or ultimatum people (no judgement, of course). He said he doesn’t mind talking about marriage at all, that that’s fun, but he wants me to trust him and not take the fun out of a proposal. Completely fair.
I’m wondering, do you think it’s reasonable to ask if he sees us getting married in 2013? I don’t forsee us having a big traditional wedding, we’re not religious or traditional in any way. That way, I can have some idea when things should be moving along and not have to obsess so much? Or maybe I should just mention I have an idea of what I want for a ring, for whenever he’s ready (said he wouldn’t have a clue what to pick out a while ago). Ughh, not sure, I’m sorry this post is crrraaaaazy long! To complicate things further, we’re planning a possible cross country move over the summer for me to return to school for a career change. It will be a dramatic shift, but financially we should still be just fine.
Any thoughts or just bees in similar spots!?!? We’re both pretty relaxed people, but I’m finding myself obsessing over this waaay more than I’m confortable with! Any other bees in similar situations that can commiserate!?