(Closed) i unintentionally hurt my best friend very badly…HELP!!!

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
11594 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

You seem like a good friend, but I’m sorry to say I think you messed up. I don’t think anyone would expect you to cancel your trip, but when you got home, you should have called her. Instead you were busy with your dog that night and the net day.

i was so close to my grandparents that I’m still missing them something awful. I didnt expect friends to come to the funeral, but a phone call to support me? Yes, I needed that. 

 with her dad sick now, you have a chance to step up. Go to the hospital and be there to hug her after she’s seen her father. It’s horrible to see your parent in the hospital for something serious. Bring a dish to her house, with some care/relaxation/good thought for her dad. 

Good luck. Put all your effort into doing this, good friends are rare and worth their weight in gold. 

Post # 32
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t think the OP did anything wrong at all. It’s not as if she didn’t have her own stresses to worry about. I think the friend is being unreasonable in giving her the silent treatment. That’s very immature, especially given the OP had no ill intent and called as soon as she could. Not everyone lives on FB.

Also, I think it’s pretty crappy that some posters are totally discounting the OP’s dog’s importance to her.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  yellowtulip8.
Post # 33
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

This just seems like a series of unfortunate events. I think the OP should’ve called her friend when she returned and offered her sympathies but she didn’t need to attend the funeral of the grandparent. I’ve never attended a funeral for a friend’s grandparent. I suppose if OP was close to the grandparent it would make sense. It’s also unfortunate that OP’s dog was sick right after their trip but who would leave their dog if it needed surgery? I don’t think I would. I think the OP should do what she can now to be there for her friend, but I don’t know that she really did anything wrong besides not call when she returned.

Post # 34
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - The Celebration Farm

I would try to see her in person and offer your sincere apology. I personally wouldn’t want to hear all the (unfortunately timed) reasons behind missing the funeral, just tell her how sorry you are, how much you love her, and that you want to be there for her. You can’t fix the past but you can work to improve the future. A thoughtful gift of flowers or a framed picture of her and her grandpa might be a nice gesture, too. It sounds like it was a bad week for both of you girls. Hope you get everything sorted out 🙂

Post # 35
1450 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with the other bees, OP you could have checked your FB or texted her on your way back from the cabin or found a way to send a quick text checking in on her before your dog’s surgery, etc.

My BFF did something similar to me, like what you did, when my father passed away.  She did not make it to my father’s funeral service citing that she was too busy with school, work, and planning her wedding.  I understood but still hurt me SO much, it changed our friendship forever.  It took several years and her really pulling through for me in other times of crisis, before our friendship healed and we were able to be close again.

There is something about your grandparents and parents dying that shakes your world at it’s core.  These are one of the few times where unless you yourself are on your own deathbed, etc. that you cannot miss out on if you want to keep that friendship.

Post # 36
787 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I suppose my personal feelings about this are pretty different from what is likely “normal” or “expected” between you and your friend. Personally, I don’t think it was a big deal that you didn’t attend her grandfather’s funeral. All of my grandparents, my great-grandmother, an aunt and an uncle all passed away while I was in high-school and university. None of my friends came, including my bestfriend, and I never thought twice about it. Likewise, I had lots of friends who lost relatives and I never attended their respective funerals.

BUT it doesn’t sound like that’s the expectation between you and your friend. If you knew she would expect/need you to be there, you should have done everything in your power to to be there for her. Even if that meant driving back into cell range to check your messages halfway through your holiday weekend, to phone her or to phone a mutual friends for the details. Your pet’s surgery sounds like you’re trying to justify your absence, but no one is ever so busy that they can’t check their messages for thirty seconds in a 24-hour period. 

Do what it takes to make it up to her. There won’t be a magic or obvious answer, here.

Post # 37
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t see what you did wrong.. Maybe my friendships are different but I wouldn’t go to a friends grandparents funeral. I especially wouldn’t cancel a trip or a pets surgery to do so. I would also never expect that of my friends, its not a social event. I’ve had plenty of relatives die and have not thought ‘ugh where are my friends’ at their funerals. 

If you want me somewhere.. Email me, phone me, or text me.. Don’t passive aggressively post the details on Facebook and assume I’ll see them while I’m away and then ignore me when I reach out to support you. 

I don’t know.. I still fail to see what you need to make up to her. Sure you could’ve checked your messages on the day of your dogs surgery but you didn’t… We can’t always behave the way others want us to in every situation we’re faced with.

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