(Closed) I used to be you…

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@Sunshine09:  I’m glad to hear that you are such a strong person, and you found love and happiness after you walked away 🙂

Post # 18
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
@stillwaiting123:  The way I see it, getting married is something you do because together you can build a better life than you could have alone. 12 years is too much time to give up for someone who is making your life worse. Its not courage you need. Its resolve. Resolve to make your life better. I know you have the courage because I proposed to my Fiance and that takes a ton of courage. So here is what you do for yourself:

You tell him you are done. And if he calls you tell him you are busy and hang up. Do not agree to “talk”. Keep your focus on what you can do to make your life better. And when it seems too hard, come on this site and get the support you need. 

Post # 20
Member
3657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

View original reply
@megz06:  Thanks for this OP, wise words from someone who has been there.

I am thinking of the poster who gave her ring back after being with the guy for 9 years. She will stay with him, but being in a LT but not married relationships is not something that she wants.

These are such sad posts, I always feel for these posters who have put in more than reasonable time in a relationship only to see that, in the end, they donn’t share a basic value with their beloved.

I don’t think that a lot of young women understand the importantce of shared values. Does the guy value marriage? Find out up front, if that is what you want.

Post # 21
Member
38 posts
Newbee

View original reply
@NoOneYouExpect:  I know you’re right! Marriage was something I thought he wanted too.  Two years ago I asked if it was what he wanted he said yes but “couldn’t afford it”. I said I never asked for a big wedding.  I just want us to be husband and wife. I said a party in the backyard would be nice. I was turning 50 and I said that would be a great birthday present….Well it never happened. I’m now 51..

I just need the courage. I get weak. This board has helped so much. Thank you!

Post # 22
Member
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I just want to add that not all relationships go this way. My Fiance proposed after we were together for 10 years. Granted, we started dating at 15, but still. We talked about marriage from the time we were 18 and we both knew we didn’t want to get married in our early 20s. That being said, we were definitely on the same timetable and I think thats important. I never considered myself to be ‘waiting’ and when there were surprises I never thought, “proposal?!” That was never me, although I’m sure people assumed that it was because the looks I got when I said we had been together, 7,8, 9, 10 years were so judgmental.

I just don’t want the girls in long relationships to completely lose hope. Not every guy who hasn’t proposed in 1,2 or 3 years is a commitment phobe or stringing you along. I’d just discuss a clear timetable though so that you don’t get stuck being one of those ‘waiting girls’ who make me so sad 🙁

Post # 24
Member
38 posts
Newbee

He never complains about our relationship.  He is happy the way things are.  He knows how much being married means to me, but it doesn’t seem to phase him.  I think he is very content.  He sees me when it’s “convenient for him”.  He calls me when it’s “convenient for him”.  We go out when it’s “convenient for him”…I’m seeing a pattern…

All I do is wait……

Post # 25
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

Sunshine09 I just want to say how happy I am for how you handled your relationship with no where man. You did what you had to do for your happiness and look how your life turned out now just wonderful.

No woman should have to wonder if the guy she’s been dating for years wants a future with her, or to plead for one.

Post # 26
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee

Wonderful post…I love a happy ending 🙂 Congratulations on the new baby!

Post # 27
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Sometimes it’s difficult to figure out if your guy really isn’t ready or stringing you along.

 

Shades of grey – very happy for you

 

Post # 28
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yep… that’s why my advice to “waiting” bees is pretty much always to break up with him. A man who loves you and wants to marry you isn’t going to keep you waiting for years on end, he’s just going to frickin propose.

View original reply
@adoc86:  I think your situation is very different though – “waiting” isn’t about the length of time, but about the clear disconnect in goals and lack of communication. I have many friends who have been together a long time before getting married who, like you, always seemed to be on the same page about it – they wanted to be in their midtwenties, or done with grad school, or whatever. Most of the “waiting” people I know have been together a long time but their s/o shuts down all discussion of the future or repeatedly lies about it, they don’t know where they stand, they are promised engagement by X date and it never happens, etc etc. For these people, timetable discussions either can’t happen or are ignored by the s/o, who basically just sets up a timetable to keep stringing the other one along. Clear instances of priorities really not being aligned.

Post # 29
Member
38 posts
Newbee

I don’t bring it up anymore because it always causes an argument.  I am not a confrontational person and I always have to play out what I’m going to say to him in my mind over and over.  When I do get the courage to say anything about any situation, he turns things around on me. 

Post # 30
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
@distracts:  This times a million.  If he’s not mentioning a future after a year or so…Idk what to tell you.

My Fiance was talking marriage within months… He had some things to sort out which he was totally up front with me about, and once they were, voila – ring.

Post # 31
Member
38 posts
Newbee

View original reply
@mrs_pudding_pop:  I know.  We should have been married by now. Through so many on again off again times, we always end up back together (because I take him back).  (he has been married twice, one of them being during one of our breakups)…. I know..crazy to take him back right?

And of course his Mom says “just give him time”……..really?????? What about me?

Now I’m mad!! LOL

The topic ‘I used to be you…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors