(Closed) I want a "big" wedding.. FI doesnt

posted 5 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

We had the opposite issue only more extreme. As I don’t want a wedding and he does. We compromised

I didn’t want to get married he did so we are getting married. It mattered more to him to get married than for me not to. In his dream world we would be having a big and large and very traditional wedding. That however would my worse nightmere so the wedding is being done my way.

His feelings about it are just as valuable as yours. 

You are getting married it is that that matters most in the end. You want 70 he wants 20 what about half way 40? Would you both go for that. 

Have a chat reach a compromise he shouldn’t feel on edge or not like the size of his wedding and you shouldn’t feel that you just did it all his way. but there will be a middle ground

(if there is no way he would do more than 20 you could always do his numbers but you get more control over all things )

It is all about balance

Post # 4
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have the exact opposite because I am your Fiance and my Fiance wants a big elaborate wedding. He wanted 500 people but we compromised and got it down to 250. I am already feeling anxious because I feel that I will be on display for hours and that freaks me out completely.

Post # 6
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@bella731:  I have been to several small restaurant weddings, and quite frankly, I wish we had done that (we had a big wedding).

It was so nice because everyone there knew each other and the bride and groom were able to talk to everyone.  One wedding in particular I remember was just so relaxed and fun but everyone was dressed up so it wasn’t informal at all.  The bride (my friend) had all the things your “traditional” wedding had – first dance, father/daughter dance, cake cutting, speeches, etc.  It was just on a smaller scale.

Post # 8
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@bella731:  Well….how close are you to your aunts and uncles?  In my family, inviting friends over family would never fly.

Edited to add that even though we had a big wedding we still had to cut people.  We started with co-workers, even though we were friends with many of our co-workers, it made it really easy to cut them as then we didn’t have to decide which ones to invite.  If I remember correctly, the next ones we cut were parents’ friends.  But we are both close with our families so it was pretty easy for us to pick them.

Post # 9
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@bella731: I agree, you should only invite people that are in your life on a daily basis if you are having a small wedding. Ask your parents if they are comfortable with that?

Post # 10
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Rather than think of it in terms of numbers, I’d sit down and write down the names of who you would like to have at the wedding. And do it together so that you can talk as you do it and explain why you want certain people, families, etc., there as you write them down. See where that gets you.

But no, I do not think it’s necessarily wrong to invite your parent’s close friends over family members you rarely see and aren’t particularly close to. But make sure that if your parents are helping to pay you talk it over with them too (although letting them push it into a big wedding your Fiance won’t be comfortable at shouldn’t happen).

Post # 11
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@bella731:  it is acceptable to invite the people you are closest too in both distance/time/feeling whether that is people you are related too or friends. (esp with a smaller wedding)

I’ve been to lots of restaurant receptions and they have been lovely

Post # 14
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

In that situation I would say no as the only people at the church will be parents and grandparents. 

Post # 15
Member
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

That sounds PERFECT! Way better than anything we could come up with! It’s going to be amazing!

Post # 16
Member
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think that sounds like a great idea!!!!! He gets his private ceremony. You get the fun night with your whole family. And you’re right that it will likely be better for your guests given the Friday night.

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