(Closed) i want a divorce…

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Ashley!  Quite an eye catching post title there. 

You’re mom does sound like she is being most difficult and that it is bringing up feelings for you about your parent’s divorce.  This sounds really difficult and infuriating! 

So what are you thinking you are going to do?  Just not invite the neices or nephews?  Still invite your mom?  Can you talk to her about how you’re trying to keep the # of invitees down? 

Post # 4
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Aww. I’m sorry you’re stuck in this position. Finding a balance for separated families is often very difficult & someone is always going to be unhappy. My father tried to manipulate me financially into getting his way so he could invite his gf’s family (no way dad), so we quickly made the decision that we wouldn’t accept help from anyone so it wouldn’t compromise our wedding day & what we wanted.

The whole "I don’t care if you hate me" thing seems over the top… but she was just in the moment. It sounds like she is jealous of your relationship with your father & your step mother and she just wants to feel represented on the wedding day. Perhaps she wants "her" family with her so she doesn’t feel like an outsider… especially if you are closer to the other side of your family?

Maybe see if, instead of inviting all of her nieces and nephews, she would be okay with you just inviting her siblings? Also let her know that you want her to be a part of your day, but the ultimatums & games are making it difficult to include her the way you want to (even if thats not 100% true).

Post # 6
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Poor Ashley!  Your mom’s reaction was completely over-the-top and unnecessarily nasty.

Since you did offer, I think you did the right thing by including your mom’s relatives — if you’re really not close they may not come.  You also did the right thing by telling her how hurt you were by her insane response.

I completely get where you’re coming from, By The Way — my parents are also divorced, and I’m closer to my uncles and cousins on my mom’s side, which I think causes some jealousy for my dad.  It’s tough to navigate.

Post # 7
4479 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Oy, your family sounds just like mine, and that’s how my guestlist doubled with extended family members I don’t actually care about!

I have no good advice for you, but I wanted to tell you I feel your pain!!

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