(Closed) I want a puppy, husband doesn't….

posted 6 years ago in Pets
Post # 18
Member
3378 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@mm86:  Well, if you aren’t particular about a breed, maybe see if you can take him to see a hypoallergenic dog that doesn’t stink and shed, like a bichon frise or shih tzu? Those dogs require different maintenance (like regular bathing and grooming, I think moreso than other dogs), but maybe he just doesn’t have experience with breeds of dogs that have hair rather than fur and dander?

As far as the training and time commitment, I think the only thing you could do is promise to take on that responsibility yourself – if he’s not interested in that responsibility, you’re going to have a hard time changing his mind.  It’s likely that once you got a dog he’d love it and it would be “his dog” just as much as yours, but you have to get past the big hurdle of getting the dog in the house! 🙂 Obviously, if you aren’t the more responsible/follow-through type in your relationship, you’re going to have a harder time talking him into it than if it’s believable that he won’t actually have to do any of the work of training and cleaning up after it.

Good luck!

Post # 19
Member
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I agree that it needs to be a joint decision because you’re essentially making a 10+ year committment (& quite a significant one in terms of both time and money)

That said… my dad wanted our family to have a dog, my mum did not.  Admittedly they were older at this point, I was 5 and my brother was 11.  Dad went behind her back and got us a dachshund and whilst it was met with an initially frosty reception… she soon fell in love with him and one of my favourite photos of our sausage was mum lying on the lounge floor with him.  To me, that says it all 😛

Post # 21
Member
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If it’s still some while into the future, I wouldn’t make a big issue about it now. A lot can change in between now and when you move into a bigger home, he may well change his mind on his own. Just remind him every now and then of how much it would mean to your happiness to have a dog in the family.

FYI I don’t think my fiance was much of an animal person before he met me (they never had pets growing up) and he’s actually allergic to cats. But he loves my (now our) cat as much as I do, and we share in the cat-related duties (he avoids scooping poop, but always does the once-weekly litter change so it balances out).

Post # 22
Member
8470 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

We both wanted one. If he told me he’d never want one, I wouldn’t have dated him, let alone marry him. 

 

That’s how adamant I was about having a dog. 

 

Post # 23
Member
2531 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Dog smell is a ridiculous reason to not want a dog – bathe your dog more often, then!

Time commitment, on the other hand, is a good reason to not want a dog.

But like you, I don’t see what the big deal is if you’re not planning on having kids.

Maybe he needs to learn more about dogs? Dogs don’t have to be a huge time suck, and some of the things that require more time (walks, for example) can become pleasant things to do as an owner! :/

Post # 24
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@mm86:  I think you both need to agree to a dog if you get one.  I told my fiancé that we will never, ever get a dog. I just don’t want one period. If he did get one without me knowing or begged me constantly to get one (not that you are doing that) I would be super annoyed. 

If your husband is anything like me, he won’t change his mind. I know I won’t. 

Post # 25
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee

My Fiance had to convince me (granted, I LOVE dogs, and I wanted one, I just didn’t think it was the best idea).  We live in an apartment, and are moving to a new city in 4 months, AND we both work full time. However, we were able to come to a compromise and we adopted a rescue that was 2 years old, a small dog who can handle activity (we like to go outdoors), and who is housebroken, does not bark, and very trainable.  I think the housebroken thing was the most important for me.  We loved adopting (and I wouldn’t have your heart set on a boxer in particular, we thought about getting a Boston Terrier and then fell in love with our Golden/Corgi mix).  The adoption place we went through was great too, because they fostered their dogs, so you could talk to the foster parent who could basically tell you the dog’s personality and what you should expect. She was also 100% healthy too, unlike adopting at big shelters. 

Post # 26
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@mm86:  If he is so concerned with the training part, maybe you can adopt an older pup? I adopted a three year old dog and he was completely house/potty trained so I did very little training. 

As for the smell… I don’t know. He may have a sensitive nose. You can always keep up on baths/grooming of the dog to try and combat it. I have a cockapoo who doesnt shed, and while he does get smelly, I don’t think our living space smells like a dog at all. 

Also – maybe you could foster a dog and see how that goes? That way he can see what it is like without the committment of keeping him forever. 

Post # 27
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

@mm86:  my FH and his family were not dog lovers. They never had one. I have two dogs that live with mom. Long story short, mom and dad took care of them while I was transitioning from lease contracts and got a comfortable place to have them back with me. When I moved dad was so in love with them that he asked me not to take the dogs with me. Mind you, my dad was 70, and he is not very expressive so for him to ask that, it meant he REALLY had fallen in love with him. Neither him or mom were dog lovers. Mom never let me have one as a kid. And now she even cooks for the dogs!

When my FH was here a couple weeks ago the female dog got an ulcer in her eye and I took her with me to care for her and give her tratment my elderly mom doesn’t know how to give. My SO was really hesitant. Three days after the dog was here he was feeding her stuff, petting her and he said having her around was not anything like he imagined. He even showed her to his mom via Skype and said she is the most mellow dog ever. That it is not a lot of work. Just taking her out to pee and poop and feeding her once a day. That’s it. 

Perhaps you can convince him of doggie sitting for a family member or friend in need? You get some extra cash and that might help him see it is not too bad if you have the right dog for your lifestyle. Good luck! 

*Just make sure it is a well behaved dog or it will backfire

Post # 28
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

@weatherbug:  I just posted something similar without reading your response first. I think that will be enough to really know if he can’t handle it or if he comes around.

Post # 29
Member
6117 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@mm86:  I am an adoptions counselor for an animal rescue.  In my 10 years of interviewing experience with the rescue and with stories of people I know, if both/all of the adults in the household are not on board with the pet idea, then it has a high chance of not working out and causing huge resentment.  I’ve seen it happen over and over. 

I think I’m the only case where it worked out!  LOL  (I did not want a dog, and now 10 years later I’m a huge volunteer and run several fundraiser events and all the web stuff.)

So I would not push the issue right now.  Wait a year or two.  Maybe offer to dog sit a friends really nice dog (with H’s approval).    Or just visit people who have really nice dogs.  Then let time tell how it will work out for you guys.  Honestly, he could very well never change his mind either like the poster above.

PS – you can also adopt a non-puppy boxer who is already good with cats or already lives with cats.  They exist!

PPS – volunteer at an animal shelter to get your dog fix!

 

Post # 30
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

@mm86:  SO and I both wanted a dog. I’ve never had a dog before, and totally fell in love with his dog (had to get put to sleep almost 6 years ago). Had I had no introduction to the breed at all (Alaskan malamute), I probably wouldn’t have even considered the breed. SO was deadset on getting another malamute, and I was super easy going about the breed, but keen for a malamute too given what a gentle giant his last dog was. Also knowing full well what a challenge the breed is made me even keener.

Maybe it’s that your Darling Husband has just had no real exposure to dogs? Do you have any friends with dogs (preferably that are well behaved!)? Sometimes people who aren’t dog people assume that all dogs are Cujo (I know my best friend feels like this!), but it takes meeting some really well behaved dogs to make them think otherwise. Some dogs do have a really doggy smell, but it’s nothing a good bath won’t fix. Initially, there will be a lot of training, and ongoing exercise for the dog’s life – but that’s not something that can’t fit in nicely with your life, taking it for a walk around the neighbourhood.

My Mum is terrified of dogs, interestingly, if she were ever to get a dog, it would be like our old neighbour’s dog which was a rottie x lab. She thought he was the best! He’d put his giant paws on the fence to look over whenever we came home and we’d give him a pat. He was gorgeous.

It is something you both need to agree on, which is really tough because who wins this one? If you get a dog, Darling Husband doesn’t get what he wants. If you don’t get a dog, you miss out. The good thing is that you still have a good couple of years, so there is time to expose him to dogs, and gently bring him around to the idea. Hopefully he can be persuaded (not forced).

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