Post # 1
My Maid/Matron of Honor is awesome. I love her to death. However she is a huge tom boy and is not such a party planner. She didnt have any showers for her wedding and actually didnt even have a Bridal Party because she just didnt want to deal with all the fuss. I really really would like to have a fun shower, but I dont want to be a total bridezilla and ask about it if she wasnt planning on it. I have 2 other BMs, one lives here and the other is out of state. The one here is kinda flighty and unreliable, but she is one of my besties. I am kinda stressing out that I might not get to have a shower with all of my girlfriends, but dont know how to go about talking to them about it without seeming like a total pushy demanding B.
Any bees have any advice? had to deal with a similar situation?
Post # 3
You technically cannot ask. It is her responsibility entirely so if she doesn’t plan one then unfortunately you won’t get one. But you can plan a fun bridesmaid luncheon to thank them.
Post # 4
I think it is BS that you can’t host your own parties. Why should you not have on because your friend doesn’t feel like it?
I would do all the work- set up the food, buy the party supplies, set the date, make invitations, plan activites, etc… Then give her a list of people to contact. You get the party you want, she doesn’t do any extra effort, and it still looks like you aren’t the host. Win. Win.
Post # 5
Can your mom or Future Mother-In-Law host it for you? Alternatively, you could host it yourself. Also, if your Maid/Matron of Honor is really close to you, you can just bring up the subject.
Post # 6
I would have a family member host it.
Post # 7
If you’re paying attention to the rule that you can’t throw your own, then your family can’t throw it either. You could talk to your Mother-In-Law, but that’s still asking for one, which you shouldn’t do. You could throw in conversation with your Maid/Matron of Honor that you “saw this cake on pinterest that would be adorable for a bridal shower” or something like that, and see what she says.
Post # 8
While I am totally on board for not demanding for or throwing your own shower–I think that asking your Maid/Matron of Honor if one is going to happen is totally ok. Just say “Hey MOH–I was wondering if you’re planning on hosting a shower? I would really like one but understand if you don’t really want to do that.”
If she doesn’t want to, you can throw a bridal luncheon yourself or you can ask your mother to arrange that another female family member (like an aunt or close friend) throw it for you.
Post # 9
I have the oposite problem. I don’t want showers or parties. I’d rather the lunch or girls night option. I’m struggling with how to tell my MoH I don’t want one when splan looking forward to planning them 🙁
Idont see the harm in asking your mom to throw one. Or maybe get your mom to drop the hint ‘just was wondering if you were planning a shower. I have a couple ideas…..’
Post # 10
I’d see if your mom or Future Mother-In-Law want to host one and they can see if any of the Bridesmaid or Best Man are interesting in helping!
Post # 11
@CrazyCoffeeGeek: It’s incredibly rude for someone to throw a party for themselves when it’s an occasion where gifts are expected.
Post # 12
Are you just wanting the party, or is it about the gifts and the actual shower expererience, with the games and whatnot? If it’s just to have a fun “girly” party to celebrate the wedding, then I think it’s totally fine to invite people over for a craft night and some wine, or a brunch to celebrate the wedding. You don’t have to call it a shower, just a ladies lunch to celebrate.
If it’s the actual shower, complete with gifts and all that you’re after, then I do think the best route would be to get your mom to drop a hint to your Maid/Matron of Honor. I would not ask her yourself.
A lot of people do the shower as a surprise, so there is also the possibility that she is actually planning one and you just don’t know it!
Post # 13
I would make it look like I assumed she was working on it. Instead of saying “when is my shower, are you planning it?” i would approach her like “do you want me to thelp put together a list of names and addresses for the shower invites?” and see where that takes you 🙂 Some may not agree with me, but sometimes you have to use psychology to get whgere you want to be!!
Post # 14
@AirForceWife78: Thats a great idea! Thanks!
The problem with my mom/FMIL hosting is they live in different cities then I do.
@sara_tiara: We actually are planning a craft night soon just to get together to hang out. I do kinda want to have the whole shower experieance though.. I dont really care at all about gifts.
Post # 15
My mom got the ball rolling on the shower. She is paying for the whole thing, yet my MOH/BM’s are hosting it. Etiquette be damned!
Post # 16
It is more common now for parents of the bride to host a shower because more often than not, brides no longer live at home until marriage. Beforehand it was rude because the parents supported the bride and were therefore hosting a gift-giving event for her.
IF you ask your Maid/Matron of Honor if she is throwing a shower, please do not add “I’d really like one” or anything like that. That puts her on the spot quite a bit more than if you frame it as needing to know if there are dates you should reserve.