(Closed) I want a shower! Dont know how to ask…

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

You technically cannot ask. It is her responsibility entirely so if she doesn’t plan one then unfortunately you won’t get one. But you can plan a fun bridesmaid luncheon to thank them.

Post # 4
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think it is BS that you can’t host your own parties. Why should you not have on because your friend doesn’t feel like it?

I would do all the work- set up the food, buy the party supplies, set the date, make invitations, plan activites, etc… Then give her a list of people to contact. You get the party you want, she doesn’t do any extra effort, and it still looks like you aren’t the host. Win. Win.

Post # 5
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

Can your mom or Future Mother-In-Law host it for you? Alternatively, you could host it yourself. Also, if your Maid/Matron of Honor is really close to you, you can just bring up the subject.

Post # 6
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would have a family member host it.

Post # 7
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

If you’re paying attention to the rule that you can’t throw your own, then your family can’t throw it either. You could talk to your Mother-In-Law, but that’s still asking for one, which you shouldn’t do. You could throw in conversation with your Maid/Matron of Honor that you “saw this cake on pinterest that would be adorable for a bridal shower” or something like that, and see what she says.

Post # 8
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

While I am totally on board for not demanding for or throwing your own shower–I think that asking your Maid/Matron of Honor if one is going to happen is totally ok.  Just say “Hey MOH–I was wondering if you’re planning on hosting a shower?  I would really like one but understand if you don’t really want to do that.”

If she doesn’t want to, you can throw a bridal luncheon yourself or you can ask your mother to arrange that another female family member (like an aunt or close friend) throw it for you.

Post # 9
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I have the oposite problem. I don’t want showers or parties. I’d rather the lunch or girls night option. I’m struggling with how to tell my MoH I don’t want one when splan looking forward to planning them 🙁

 

Idont see the harm in asking your mom to throw one. Or maybe get your mom to drop the hint ‘just was wondering if you were planning a shower. I have a couple ideas…..’

Post # 10
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d see if your mom or Future Mother-In-Law want to host one and they can see if any of the Bridesmaid or Best Man are interesting in helping!

Post # 11
Member
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@CrazyCoffeeGeek:  It’s incredibly rude for someone to throw a party for themselves when it’s an occasion where gifts are expected.  

Post # 12
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Are you just wanting the party, or is it about the gifts and the actual shower expererience, with the games and whatnot? If it’s just to have a fun “girly” party to celebrate the wedding, then I think it’s totally fine to invite people over for a craft night and some wine, or a brunch to celebrate the wedding. You don’t have to call it a shower, just a ladies lunch to celebrate.

If it’s the actual shower, complete with gifts and all that you’re after, then I do think the best route would be to get your mom to drop a hint to your Maid/Matron of Honor. I would not ask her yourself.

A lot of people do the shower as a surprise, so there is also the possibility that she is actually planning one and you just don’t know it!

Post # 13
Member
1519 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would make it look like I assumed she was working on it. Instead of saying “when is my shower, are you planning it?” i would approach her like “do you want me to thelp put together a list of names and addresses for the shower invites?” and see where that takes you 🙂 Some may not agree with me, but sometimes you have to use psychology to get whgere you want to be!!

Post # 15
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My mom got the ball rolling on the shower. She is paying for the whole thing, yet my MOH/BM’s are hosting it. Etiquette be damned!

Post # 16
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It is more common now for parents of the bride to host a shower because more often than not, brides no longer live at home until marriage.  Beforehand it was rude because the parents supported the bride and were therefore hosting a gift-giving event for her.

IF you ask your Maid/Matron of Honor if she is throwing a shower, please do not add “I’d really like one” or anything like that.  That puts her on the spot quite a bit more than if you frame it as needing to know if there are dates you should reserve.

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