Post # 1
I just got engaged to my fiancé after 6 and a half years! Obviously I’m super excited. While out at a celebration dinner with our parents though it all started — “you really should invite this person (who ive seen 3 times in my life)”… we both have huge families, and we are family-oriented but we don’t want a huge wedding. I am thinking between 20-50 guests. I have two issues and opinions could be helpful. I love my extended family, even though we see each other only a few times a year I would love to celebrate with my aunts, uncles and cousins. Here are my issues:
1. Is it appropriate to just invite the small guest list to the ceremony and dinner for an intimate ceremony and invite the rest of the family to a dance reception?
2. My sister (MoH) is so excited to throw her first bridal shower. My family specifically is fairly traditional and the average age is over 40 (I’m the youngest of my cousins) and I know they expect a big bridal shower just luke my cousins. I’m okay with that, but it comes back to the size of my guest list. I think it’s inappropriate to invite people to the shower but not wedding at all, but is it appropriate to invite them to the shower and just the reception (dance)?
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Post # 2
Courtney7 : I think it is not wise to do A list for the ceremony/dinner and B for the reception. I would just skip the dance reception and call it a day. I can’t imagine who I wouldn’t want at my ceremony but would want at a dance reception. The whole point of a wedding is the ceremony. Are you trying to save money on not buying dinner for all the guests?
Post # 4
Are you in the US? Is this possible dance reception happening the same day? If yes to both, a big no-no.
Have the small wedding you want. With the money you save you can purchase all the things you would have received at the big shower. Let your family plan a family reunion.
Post # 5
1. Tiered receptions are acceptable in the UK but that’s about it, so if you don’t live in the UK, don’t do this. It makes people feel like you think they are good enough to buy you a present but not good enough to be hosted for the actual wedding reception (you know, the part that costs money).
2. No one should be invited to pre-wedding events that isn’t invited to the wedding.
Post # 6
Stick with your small guest list regardless of the size of your families. Weddings cost money and to host those people will cost you a lot if you listen to your family and try to accomodate them and invite everyone. If you haven’t spoken to or see people on a regular basis then you probably shouldn’t invite them to the wedding.
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<div class=”img_info hon”>If you invite them to the ceremony invite them to the reception. Look at it this way the cost of the wedding per person can be very expensive taking all things into consideration from decor, venue and food you could be looking at $50pp and up. This also depends on the city you get married in as well. So make sure you don’t let people talk you into doing something by inviting people you don’t know or have seen in 1+ years.</div>
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Post # 7
I don’t really see a problem with having a small ceremony one day with immediate family and friends, and then inviting more people to the reception. People want to say they care about the wedding, but most don’t – only immediate family. Eveybody would rather go to the reception, at least that’s what I’ve seen every time I’ve gone to a wedding.
Post # 8
1. No, not appropriate
2. Anyone you invite to the shower should also be invited to the ceremony/reception
Also, through my wedding planning experience (which was not linear) I found whats most important is to put yourself (groom included) first. Don’t be a people pleaser. If you are not comfortable with having a huge wedding, compromise on a small wedding. If you are not comfortable with a small wedding, elope.
Post # 9
Thanks for the responses! I should have clarified that the reception would have been noted as best wishes only. The ceremony group would also have been at the reception.
In response to why the size, my fiancé is not a crowd person. He’s very uncomfortable in front of crowds and in a place like a wedding with all eyes on him a smaller group would be easier for him to handle. A reception is more relaxed and makes it easier for him to blend.
Post # 10
it’s more and more common to elope and then have a party afterwards, and i’ve even see people have a private ceremony and everyone come at the reception – which doesn’t make sense to me cuz you’re not saving any money and one of the reasons we have weddings is to have our loved ones be witnesses. My husband has a much larger family than me and his family is all in town and i was worried about having a very imbalanced wedding with a ton of his fam and literally 15 members from mine. i put my foot down, said 100 guests total, and we split it down the middle. his mom was not happy about not being able to invite everyone, but it was my mom helping pay for the wedding.