(Closed) I want alone time with my mother, and my MIL has inserted herself

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Buttercupmcgee:  You know, I would tell my Mother-In-Law that you are so happy to hear she wants to get together with you and your Mom, instead of the bridal shop, how about lunch at a local place that afternoon so you can all get to know each other without the distraction of dress shopping?

Post # 4
Member
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

You are absolutely entitled to alone time with your mom!! I would just explain to her that your mom is going through a lot and is looking forward to some mother-daughter time. Let her know that there are lots of other wedding planning days ahead and that you’ll definitely let her know the next time there’s something to be done but this day needs to be just you and mom. Hopefully she’ll understand! 

Post # 6
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It depends how close you are with Mother-In-Law.  I’m on pretty good terms with mine so I’d probably say something like “MIL I’d love to have you join us at the dress shopping at ____oclock.  I’m not sure on our plans for the rest of the day, but I know my Mom has been having a rough time, and I’d like to have some time for just her and I.  We don’t get much time together since she lives so far away. I hope you wouldn’t be offended if she and I sneak away after the dress appointment for some quality time for just the two of us!”

I might also offer to do something with just Mother-In-Law at a later point or before Mom gets there, so Mother-In-Law doesn’t feel left out.

But like I said I’m on good terms with my In laws, and if I let them know I wanted some just Mom time they’d be fine with it.  I know not everyone would be comfortable with this approach.  

Post # 7
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Just tell your mil that your mom has a lot going on right now and it would be best if it was just the two of you.

maybe make plans to meet up with her for lunch the following weekend? That way you walk out of the conversation with plans to hang out and she’ll take it better?

I wouldn’t tell her the date/time/place of the appointment, she sounds like the type that would just show up!

theres absolutely nothing wrong with wanting one on one time with your mom. I can’t imagine living so far from your mom, I would miss her so much! your mil should understand that. And clue in your fiancé so he doesn’t tell her!

Post # 8
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Does your Fiance have any sisters? Maybe if you approach it more like her having that time alone when its HER daughter’s time, she’ll understand it and back out gracefully.

I’m pretty blunt,tho, and would really just tell her the truth. It isn’t a slight against her, but something you two have decided to do alone.

Good luck. She’ll be fine.

Post # 10
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Buttercupmcgee:  it’s perfectly ok to back peddle, but just do it sooner than later. I would just say that some family stuff has come up but you’d love to meet up with her a different time and talk about flowers/ favors/ whatever.

Post # 11
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You could also tell your mil that you will probably need her help with future dress appointments when your mom isn’t visiting,

Post # 13
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@Buttercupmcgee:  Why not just explain the situation? Say that you were really hoping that you could have some time alone with your mum and arrange to do something with your Mother-In-Law another day.

Post # 14
Member
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999
Post # 15
Member
6221 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I would just straight up tell her that you see your mom very infrequently and were looking forward to some alone time with her, but you would love if you Future Mother-In-Law could come dress shopping with you another time.

Post # 16
Member
404 posts
Helper bee

@PinkPinstripes:  +1

OP just be really nice, and honest. Tell her you like her being around, that you love spending time with her, but that you need some time with your mum, and that your mum needs some time with just you. And maybe add that you wouldn’t ask her to give you that time if it wasn’t so rare that you got to see your mum. 

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