(Closed) I want everyone to get real for a minute….seriously…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I love this post. So much. Really.

I am furious with my wonderful future husband right now. He’s taking his nursing school stresses out on me and it really hurts my feelings. I so badly want him t applogizes for being a jerk, but whenever I try to go talk to him, he basically says, “go away” or “I dont want to deal with that shit right now.” It really upsets me cause i feel like my feelings are not that important to address when it’s too “inconvient” for him. Also, I might add, that i am very understand and very considerate of his nursing school stresses. i could right books upon books of the patience i’ve had and the deep respect I have for him and his hard work. But sometimes, it just makes me want to chuck my ring at him and say, “if you can’t handle me with your nursing paper, then you don’t deserve me at all!”…

Just hurt yea know?

Post # 4
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I totally get what you’re saying. Things definitely aren’t perfect between Darling Husband & I all the time but generally there aren’t any real issues or problems. I always give the same kind of advice & generally it’s self focused in what “you” can do as opposed to out sourcing…. Not bc I don’t agree with counseling, I just know that most (and I do mean most) counseling available is not sound & doesn’t give any real resolved result. As for Darling Husband & my issues… I just don’t talk about them in settings like this bc I know the majority isn’t of like mindedness & we wouldn’t agree about solutions…. So I take into careful consideration about how I disclose our issues & don’t get into them too much. I’ve seen enough in a public setting that usually airing out certain issues just makes them bigger bc of whats being chimed in… Ie having a crappy evening or getting into a tiff & the majority now calling your SO names like jerk, a**, etc…. Just not my cup o tea in dealing with or resolving things. Sorry you and your so are in a rut…. Like I said Darling Husband & I aren’t always peachy, but we do both really set out to that NOT being the tone of the relationship… We read alot of books & listen to lots os teachings and studies. Sorry things aren’t peachy… Hope the get better soon ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 5
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You are NOT alone. Relationships are work…anyone who acts like they aren’t are just fooling themselves. It is normal to argue, it is just about how you get through those arguments. My Fiance just started working a new job, 10pm-6am, pretty much 7 days a week. I stay at home with our 5 month old. So, we are no longer sleeping at the same time, and he sleeps the whole day. Sex has been down, partly due to the baby and partly due to the night shift. Everytime I ask him about the wedding, or going to get fitted for a tux, he just shrugs it off. I know he’s exhausted, but it really makes me feel like it doesn’t matter to him. And, as of lately I just feel like we are both so on edge with each other. So, there are definitely arguments. I have thrown my hands up and said I didn’t want to do it anymore. Then we work it out. We always work it out. There are moments where I feel like I can’t stand him, but there are so many more where he makes my heart skip a beat. Sorry, not meaning to be nauseating haha. No relationship is perfect, there are ups and downs, and that’s how you get stronger.

Post # 7
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Wonderful post! I love it!

I’m going to take it one step further and say that sometimes, i get annoyed with my fiance for no reason at all!  There are just times when maybe we’ve spent a few days just seeing each other, or we’re recovering from a fight or whatever, where i’m just like…can you go away for a bit?

I think all of what you and the PPs have talked about is totally normal.  Couples where everything is hunky dory non stop always give me the heebie jeebies

Post # 9
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I can tell you that we have been throught the gamet of ruts.  We have had the too much stress rut, the I just want some alone time rut, the you have worked to much rut, the passive agressive rut and the you just pissed me off and I am about to punch you in the neck rut.  I have been exactly where you are several times and I know how hard it is.  Darling Husband says that I am a pitbull when it comes to our relationship, I refuse to let it go.  I sometimes know that I am not the issue, but usually I am usually the one to get things back on the right track. 

The one thing that has worked the best for us is scheduling a night.  I make his favorite food, we both kick back with a glass of wine, no tv on, light a fire (wether in the fireplace or on the patio) and we just talk.  Next it is time for a nice bath together.  The fire and the bath time are usually the time that we talk about what eachother is missing, usually it is small things, but for they mean more to the other person than we think.  EX.  On one occasion, he was missing the fact that I lay on the couch with my feet on him.  We had changed the position of our couch and that way wasn’t comfortable for me anymore.  That little thing, to him, meant there was something wrong.  The next day we moved our couch back and we were back – well of course, after some new panties go shown off and the like ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ruts in a relationship are normal ebbs and waves.  IMO, the best thing is communication without defensiveness or accusitory tones.  Be willing to talk about the ebbs and waves, and TOGETHER coming up with solutions. 

I have written a post or two about the ruts and hard times that the Darling Husband and I have been through on our journey.  Don’t worry, your strength together is more than you divided and you two together are truely a force to be reckoned with and are more powerful than any issue that might seek to divide you.

 

Post # 10
Bee
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

@RenoRose: I was sure when I was telling Mr. D and I’s story to point out the bad times as well as the good. Every relationship has them. It’s getting through them that make them stronger, and it’s good to talk about them! If I listened to every person who told me to break up with Mr. D when things were really that bad (like after a little fight), we would have been done after the first month. But we made it through those small fights, and a hell of a lot bigger things. I think it’s more unhealthy to make your relationship seem perfect than admitting to the faults.

Post # 11
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@doily: Totally wholeheartily agree with this statement, “I think it’s more unhealthy to make your relationship seem perfect than admitting to the faults.”

Post # 12
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

LOL! Rainbows, butterflies and puppies! I get that too, especially when someone has a problem and makes up a different name just to post it so they don’t get told to “dump him!”

We have problems and good times as well. Right now, it’s him being laid off and working temp. He’s not angry with me, but it’s hard when a man wants to be the main provider for his family and he can’t do it at that point in time, even wih a degree. We try out best to be up beat, I always get him to do stuff around the house because it makes him feel better. ๐Ÿ™‚ He’s still sad and we do argue over little things because of it, but we’re trying. We’re not engaged yet, but we’re in it til the end. These hard few months have shown me that. Any other man, I wouldn’t have tried, but him I do because I love him. No one else has to be with him, but me.

Oh, and since I’ve been pregnant, I hated him the whole 2nd trimester.LOL No reason at all, jsut the sight of him or him trying to get some irritated me.LOL

Post # 13
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Great thread!  To be honest, anytime I hear people say “Oh my boyfriend/partner/husband and I have a perfect relationship, we never fight about anything”, I automatically dismiss them because I think it has to be such a fake relationship (I know, not fair on my part). 

 FI and I love each other and I think we do have a great relationship, but hell yes we get into arguments and get mad at each other.  I was even annoyed at him this morning because I couldn’t sleep and woke up early, and he just kept on sleeping like a peaceful newborn baby!!!

Post # 13
Member
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@RenoRose:

I agree with you.  I think people are far to quick to tell people to get counseling and tell them how they have issues and even dump an Fiance. That’s part of the reason I never post about our relationship, casue I know what people would say and usually I think it’s not called for especially since most people just want to vent and arn’t looking for therapy.

Everyone has rough patches, most are completly normal, others are not, but people are far too quick to judge.

Post # 14
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Fiance and I totally aren’t perfect. He has some money management issues and I’m far too easily annoyed by stuff. I rarely postt about it here, though, for quite a few reasons. No offense, because I love the Hive, but if I need advice on something serious, I typically turn to my mom or my best friend.

I also try to imagine my Future Mother-In-Law reading all my posts. If she were to stumble onto my username, I wouldn’t want her reading about our issues. 

Post # 15
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My Future Mother-In-Law gave me some funny advice,she said “You dont know what marriage is until youve found yourself looking at the rat poison for 45 minutes” She basically said that at some point,you will plot to murder your FI/SO but as long as you can accept that there will be times when things arent that great and you can work through them together then your relationship will only ever grow stronger,

Its the rat poison advice that makes me giggle,because I have been there (not quite murdering FI) but at the point where the whole relationship just seems so….frustrating lol

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