Post # 1
My post is different from most – I want kids at the wedding, but my FI and both sets of parents disagree. The main reason that I want kids at the wedding is because they are cute and fun. I’ve always had more fun at weddings where there were kids – they help bring life to the party!
I was also the youngest child on both sides of my family and born in a generation gap, so I always felt left out when my older brother and cousins were invited to things but I wasn’t because I was “the kid”.
The kids that I would like to invite are my first cousins’ children (bro doesn’t have kids), and there are five of them – ages 15, 11, 8, 5, 3. I also wanted for my FI’s cousin (who is like a sister to him’s) children to come – ages 8, 3, 3.
However, everyone but me thinks this is a terrible idea. I don’t have control over FI’s family,so there’s nothing I can really say there. I wanted to give my family kids jobs – have the 15 and 11 year old boys be ushers and the 3 younger ones as flower girls and ring bearer.
But my mom and his mom think this is a bad idea. FI is indifferent but sees their side more than mine. They speculate that our cousins would rather have an adult party, that kids are rowdy, cause trouble, and will be too shy to do their wedding jobs. They agreed to invite the 15 and 11 year olds as guests, and leave off the rest.
At the end of the day, I’d rather invite just the older ones than leave them all off, but I hate to leave out the little ones. I hate the idea of doing what so many other adults did to me as a kid – left me out. That said, my cousins who are the parents of the 8 and 3 year olds had me as a junior bridesmaid in their wedding when I was 10 so that I wouldn’t be left out, so that holds a special place in my heart. I’d love for their kids to be in my wedding party as a thank you.
Other details that are probably important:
- I haven’t asked the cousins yet how they’d feel about having their kids there
- my mom is paying most of the reception costs
- my mom doesn’t have the greatest relationship with said first cousins with children
Post # 3
You can invite kids and the parents can choose not to bring them.
What wedding jobs would the kids have? If they’re involved in the wedding, they should absolutely be invited to the reception, it’s rude not to.
Post # 4
@Wrenny: why not have the convo w the parents???
Post # 5
Talk to your cousin first, and then, if they want to bring the small kids – stand your ground. Explain that it’s important to you on the very grounds mentioned above and (if possible) that you can cover the extra expense of the kids if the money is a big issue.
We’re having a 3.5 year old as our flower girl, there will also be a 1 year old, and a 2-month baby on our wedding – wish there were more so that they could all play with each other! Kids are really so much fun!
Post # 6
My FI was reluctant to invite kids to our reception in Ireland, but I pointed out to him that his sister has three kids and anyone who could possibly babysit them is going to be at our reception, so if we ban kids she won’t be able to come at all.
I think you should just talk to the parents and see what they think. They might not actually want to take their kids to the wedding, especially a three year old.
Post # 7
Yes, as @futuremrsfitz18: said, why not invite them and let the parents decide?
I am with you OP, I cannot imagine a wedding without kids! That was one of my favorite parts of being in Mexico for a summer, children were included and brought literally everywhere at all hours!
Post # 8
Well, it’s definitely an unusual position to be in. I’d say talk to the parents of the kids first – see how they feel.
Honestly, while I was adamant about “no kids” at my wedding, my friends actually were happy about it. They wanted to have an adult evening. As many of my friends explained, it can be stressful as a parent to take your children to events such as weddings. They’re formal events, and kids can get rambunctious and bored. My friends want to enjoy themselves, and that’s hard to do when they’re constantly having to follow their kids around to keep them in line. Obviously that’s not the case for older kids, but even then, my friends with older kids still wanted to enjoy the evening without worry.
Post # 9
It’s your wedding, you want to invite children then go ahead.
I am inviting families and their small kids, unless it co workers that have older kids that can stay at home by themselves. I’ll propably have 20 kids at ours and i can’t wait to see little princesses running around and little boys showing off their dancing moves LOL
Post # 10
I am having cousins and the like as flower girls, ring bearers, guest book attendants, etc. But I have considered saying (for the rest of the guests with children population) that it is an adult ceremony and reception (hint, hire a baby sitter.) Unfortunately I don’t think they’ll catch the hint and I don’t feel comfortable being any more bluntly than that. So I plan to have on-site child care and to GREATLY encourage the guests to allow children to stay there during the ceremony.
The only reason I say this is our families spend all this money (especially on a videographer) only to have a child run around or scream the whole time, thus messing up the entire experience and the video. I even have contingency plans for my younger attendants (relatives will be sitting in the second row to take them out if they decide that standing on the stage isn’t for them)
As far as feeling guilty about leaving the “younger ones” out, I wouldn’t worry about it too much for the following reasons:
1. Being young stinks. Not getting to do grown up things is part of the growing up experience. I mean, do we let them drink or drive a car because they’ll feel left out? No, there are some things that are just meant for adults, they’ll get a chance to be involved one day, and probably sooner than later!
2. Most children ‘think’ they want to be included at the wedding, but when they get there they’ll realize how boring weddings can be and probably will wish they didn’t have to come!
3. Especially a three year old, is not going to even realize what they’re missing!
Post # 11
I have been going to weddings my whole life and never really got bored. Yes, the first wedding I remember attending was when I was three. I was thrilled to be there, in a pretty dress, and being escorted to my seat by a grown up usher.
Post # 12
I’m inviting kids to my wedding, and hope there is a whole bunch of them! Kids are a joy to have and they’re so cute on the dance floor!