Post # 1
On August 23rd, I turned 40. On August 28th, my mom passed away. On September 24th my boyfriend propsed and became my fiancé. I realized that at 40 i will be a first time bride to a 43 year old second time groom who has been divorced well over 10 years.
I did not have my mom to call. My parents always said they would pay for my wedding. I can’t ask my mom for a budget and when I ask my dad he says “whatever it costs”. I have no one to help decide on a venue, a guest list, flowers, and the thought of dress shopping brings me to tears. I haven’t even set a date. Wedding stuffcompletely overwhelms me to the point I just cry, and I am NOT a crier.
my my sister is 6 months pregnant and 100% focused on baby and has not asked me anything beyond how he proposed. My best friend is hours and hours away. My friends here are in the midst of divorces, unhappy relationships, kid problems, you get the idea….. a wedding seems so unimportant to them compared to their own lives And in some cases brings up bad memories of things they did wrong or wish they had never done at all.
getting married at 40 is different than at 27 but it is still my first and only wedding I plan to have….ever! I want to plan a small/intimate classy, luxurious, beautiful memorable wedding to celebrate the true meaning and importance of the day- our marriage. But I don’t know how.
What do I do? Who do I ask? How am I going to get through this? How do I handle the emotions?
Post # 3
Find a very good friend and talk to them. A good friend should listen. I just turned 40 today. I got married at age of 37 and had my 1st child at same age. I do have my mom still but I spent most of my time talking to my Maid/Matron of Honor who is older by 3 years. She listened and helped a lot.
Post # 4
@KatB442: I’m so sorry about your mom.
You do have at least one person who can help you plan though: your fiance! Don’t think weddings are just a girl thing. If all your friends are busy with their own lives, then get together with your fiance and plan the wedding yourselves.
We had to do that too, but for different reasons. (Parents and best friend busy with their careers, younger sister still at college).
Post # 5
@KatB442: Have someone plan it for you. Seriously, because you want a small event, this is so much the thing to do!
Pretty, classy, small–get a wedding planner in to do it. Choose a beautiful place, give her the guest list, and let her do it all. You just go out and get yourself a really lovely dress.Show up the day of th wedding and put you hand out to receive your bouquet–done!
There is no need to do most of the stuff people on this website are consumed with. Don’t stress about the things that are not important to you.
When you choose a pretty place for the reception and possibly even the marriage, there is no need to decorate, to make boatloads of DIY props and etc.
Post # 6
Well, for starters, you have wedding bee now. You can always turn to us for questions and help for planning your wedding! We can help you pick your dress, shoes, make up…anything!
And your fiance is going to play a huge role in all of this.
I’m sorry that your mom is no longer here, but from here on out, you have to work with what you’ve got.
And we’ll help you every step of the way!
Post # 7
@KatB442: i am sorry to hear about your mother.
yes, everyone around you is so busy with their lives that they really aren’t so concerned with your wedding. it happens.
well, that’s what we are here for. you will find that this site is very helpful for when you need to narrow down your dress choices or meal options, invitation suites to honeymoon ideas. the gallery and diy sections are full of ideas too. all you need to do is ask.
welcome to the hive.
Post # 8
Thank you all for beimg so sweet and supportive. I have a strong suspicion that wedding bee may become my new best friend. I’m going to investigate the resources here and reach out every step of the way when I have questions or get confused. I may seriously look into the cost of hiring a planner to help flatten out some of that emotional roller coaster. Thanks again!
Post # 9
@KatB442: Oh no! So, so sorry to hear about your mama. Have you spoken to a grief counselor?
The bee is your new BFF, I post on here every time my mom or a friend starts to get the “Oh god, why is she still talking about her wedding?” face, lol. Which is to say, I post on here a lot. 🙂
Post # 10
@KatB442: My mother is still alive but I did not want her involved in the planning since she tends to be overbearing.
What I did do was involve my fiancé. We talked a lot about what we wanted. It is my second but his first wedding and we are both in our 40s.
We decided where we were having it (Disneyworld) and I couldn’t be happier because they supply a wedding planner! I would never have thought about hiring one if we were marrying at home but now that I’ve worked with one I couldn’t recommend them more!
Yes, they are getting paid to do it but still their enthusiasm is awesome. Each decision is so much easier because they know what works and what doesn’t.
Post # 11
Do you have an aunt or close family friend? I know my “aunt” (not blood related) was a big help with my wedding when my mom was driving me nuts. My hubby was also a big help.
Post # 12
@KatB442: I am sorry to hear about your mother. I can understand a bit of how you feel. My birthday is December 23 and on January 23 2008(16 years old) my mother also past. Now with getting married and doing all the wedding stuff I have missed her so much. But you Fiance I am sure will be/help you plus as some as these ladies have stated you have all of us bees now that can always help. And no age matters, your a bride no matter the age 😉
Post # 13
I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry for your loss… 🙁 *hugs*
I hope you have some close friends/family that you can confide in along with your fiance. I think hiring a planner is a great idea.
Post # 14
I know the feeling, I lost my mom 17 years ago (when I was 7, just 11 days after my birthday, so I know how awful it is to lose someone so soon after a happy moment in life) and it still sucks that I dont get to talk to her about any of this. Not to mention i moved 2000 miles away from my family to be with my fiance, so I have none of them, no siblings, and made no friends because of how much fiance and I move. Its not easy, andit never will be. Youre going to have days where you cry, because all you want to do is ask your mom for advice, the one person you want to talk to, and you cant. But, in some way, your mom is always with you, guiding you. For example, ever since I was a little girl, around 11, I knew I would marry a boy from Boston. At that same time, Michael/Michelob were my favorite names! I also always had this feeling I would marry someone in the army, or law enforcement. These were pretty strong feelings for an 11 year old. As the years went on, I still had these same feelings. Boston because my parents were from there, but they moved to Texas and had me. One day on a game called World of Warcraft I met this guy, his name was Michael and he was from Boston, And he works in law enforcement. Every. Person in my family knows this story, and literally every one of them has told me it was my mom, she led me to him. He is my soul mate. Now, I know it may seem far fetched, but its true. I hope the story helps you to find peace, knowing that your mom is going to help guide you, and will never leave your side. 🙂
Post # 15
My sincere condolances, I am so sad that you have lost your Mum.
Weddingbee is a great community to bounce things off of and also to vent about any frustrations.
Not much more to add, but ((hugs))
Post # 16
@KatB442: I didn’t know how to plan a wedding either. You just need to start reaching out to vendors and venues and getting estimates. There are lots of websites that give detailed lists of everything you need to do and people you need to contact. I’d set a firm budget and stick to it. I’m 26 and paying for my wedding myself and it is surprising how fast things add up.
As adults I don’t think we need our moms or friends to do these things for us. I just mad an Excel sheet and played divide and conquer with my partner. When it’s your own wedding, you can do it however you want. Just follow your own vision and budget. Lists always help me stay on track and not lose sight of anything.