(Closed) I want this year to be over. Rant inside.

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

  @newcitylights:  Sweetie, it’s ok with me if you blow off this one party. Just one. Don’t make a habit of it if you are normally a social person.

Now for the real problem. When your SO asks “don’t you trust me?” it is reasonable to answer “no, because you did not keep your word the last time.” You know what the issues are here and don’t need us to tell you, but haha I will mention that

1) his toys coming before his committment to you and

2) him failing to acknowledge that he let you down

are indicitive of an immature lad who is not ready to get married and take on the responsibilities of a man.

 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

sounds like a fight so and i had when i began to wait. you need to trust him on this one or you will push him away. being angry and overly emotional may be the push he needs…or a push towards realizing how you’re reacting is not the woman he wants to propose to. im sure youre a wonderful lady and i know waiting makes most of us at least a little crabby. you want him to propose because he wants to, he wants you to be his wife, and because your relationship is better than ever and it’s time…right?

just take some time for yourself. get off the bee for a few days and focus on something else.

i know how you feel and i have felt all the ways you have, so i hope you do not think im being harsh. the party may be fun and maybe they wont be so obnoxious about it. 

Post # 6
Member
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

also, he needs to reign in his financial choices before you two wed.

Post # 7
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I agree with SeaLevels on this one. Give it a little bit more time. He’ll propose when he’s ready to propose. You can’t force his hand because in the end he’ll resent you for it and then comes all these other problems. A man wants a wife who can keep her cool under pressure if you’re quick to react explosively then you will push him away. I’m not saying wait on him forever but if he says March then give him a chance to prove himself. Sometimes men do things just to see how you’ll react to it to see how you’ll respond in the future whether or not it’s something he’s capable of dealing with. Best advice I can give you is to just remain patient and if you don’t already have hobbies find more, when men see that your life goes on successfully with or without them they gravitate more towards you. I personally would go to that party and wouldn’t care who all was there or who was engaged. You’re going to be his wife so you need to make your appearances. I’ll tell you like my aunt told me the story of King Xerxes and his first wife Vashti. She was beautiful and always put on display for her king but one day decided she didn’t want to attend the feast, and as you can imagine this caused chaos…and his advisers put things in his ear about what kind of uproar this could cause so he threw her out of the kingdom. You don’t want to be like Vashti, you want to be like his second wife Esther, she changed the king’s heart and changed a nation hun. So in other words even though you may not want to go you’re going to have to attend these things, otherwise people will start having opinions and it may or may not influence his decision as to where the relationship is headed. Don’t let anything or anyone dethrone you other than yourself, as his future wife you should be his advisor…let your presence be his greatest influence… 🙂

Post # 8
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

Be the bigger person and go to the party would be my advice. If she says anything mean. I would just completely ignore her, like you didn’t even hear her speak. She’ll be the one looking out of order.

I’m also done with 2012! Try to think positive about what 2013 will bring! I also think its ok to tell your oh you don’t trust him but I think you should explain why and that if he can come through for you/do what he says he’s going to then it will rebuild that trust.

I know its hard waiting but try to remember an engagement doesn’t mean a relationship is any better, it sounds like the girl you mentioned and her oh have some issues, being engaged isn’t going to guarantee them a happy ever after! 

I hope you get your engagement and your happy ever after very soon. Go give your oh a hug and no more tears allowed ok!!!

Post # 9
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@ThePrissyFiancee:  you said

He’ll propose when he’s ready to propose.

This SO told her he’d propose by the end of this year. Now he has moved the target. Tell me again why she should trust him? In your estimation, how many time does he get to move the target before she rightfully walks?

Post # 10
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@FauxPas2012:  Men go through anxiety just as much as women do if not more and just because men say something doesn’t mean it’s set in stone until after it happens and even then its up in the air but her bringing it up isn’t going to make him react any faster. All I’m saying is that you have to do your best to focus on something else until March. If she loves him she’ll give him a chance to reedeem himself or bury himself and if he loves her he’ll come through. If he has a group of friends that are already engaged or married she’s in a good position because eventually he’ll feel left out and hop on the bandwagon. That’s just how men work, they weigh their options. Him buying a firearm could in his mind be the last thing he’ll get to purchase without being someone’s fiancé. That’s just how they are sometimes, it’s like a bucket list so to speak. Set a deadline definitely but don’t go off the deep end worrying about a proposal, focus on self and how to make the relationship better that way if it doesn’t work she can know it didn’t fail on her end.

Post # 12
Member
9119 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

A gun can be used for home safety. A ring cannot. Just sayin it’s a good investment.

My husband didn’t propose to me originally because he had bought a 2k laptop to take on deployments. He uses it for work, so it’s a financial stability investment and it was a money issue.

I think you’re feeling pressured by everyone around you and you just need to take a step back and slow down a bit. Don’t pay attention to other people.

Post # 13
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee

It sounds like he is sure about the engagement coming before March.  You didn’t mention why he moved the first deadline – it could have been a delay in getting/making the ring for example.  But based on the conversation you had, I would believe him (and I’m quite the cynic).

If I were you, I’d keep strong and not let him see you suffer because of it.  Don’t bring it up, but if he does, just let him know that you do believe that it will happen before March but also that if it doesn’t come soon you may have to re-evaluate your life course.

Also, I would try to go to the NYE party.  Obviously if you don’t feel you can go without bursting into tears, the don’t, but don’t let an engagement ruin an event that only happens once a year.  

And don’t worry about his bitchy co-worker, that doesn’t mean their marriage will last.  

 

Post # 15
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

It must of been so hard for you to deal with all of this. Guys just don’t quite get the importance of an engagment. To them it seems the only difference between an engagment and a long term relationship is a ring. To us, it’s a lot more than a ring, it’s a commitment that he’s willing to make forever. However, just because he hasn’t gotten you the ring yet, doesn’t mean he isn’t willing to commit to you forever.

It’s so hard to wait, but I feel that the more we give our SO’s time to plan the perfect proposal, the more meaningful it will be. The last thing you want is a rushed proposial with him basically just giving you the ring to shut you up. It’s hard, but I have been trying to just go each day without geting upset about rings anymore. I am trying to  just be grateful for what I have already, a loving man who treats me well. The less I pressure him into an engagment, the more he actually wants to get engaged.

I hope you become engaged soon though, as it seems you’ve been through a lot and you deserve it! Just be patient and that ring will be on your finger before you know it 🙂 

 

 

Post # 16
Member
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

i try to think of it this way – i have a lot of single friends and im sure not everyone will be exactly over the moon about my engagement. that’s fine. if i were to go to a party newly engaged, i would not be flaunting my ring and would only show it if asked. i wouldnt ve obnoxious. if i found out a friend missed out on the party because they didnt want to see the engaged couple (including me) *flaunting*, i’d be surprised to say the least!

when and how other people get engaged shouldnt upset you because theyre not in your relationship. i think your so will make good on his promise.we as women forget very often how nerve-wracking it is for a guy to propose because a lot of them think it has to be a surprise AND super romantic. i’d give him time. if march rolls around and you have no ring, then you have other things to worry about.until then, i say the party may be a blast!

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