(Closed) I want to attend my siblings wedding but I don’t see how I can.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

No, you dont’ have to go. It’s a shame but I’m sure someone on the opposite coast can’t expect everyone to come. It’s a lot of money and a bad economy, I wouldn’t worry about it. My only living grandpa isn’t coming to my wedding, but I understand.

Post # 4
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I guess I would:

-pump and store breast milk

-hire a trusted sitter/close friend to stay with them that weekened

-book plane and hotel for you only

-tell Future Sister-In-Law they can’t be ringbearers because you can’t afford to fly them out there and they aren’t mature enough to travel (she needs to suck it up on this point for sure)

-forget the idea that park+pie is any “lesser” than any other type of wedding.

Post # 5
Member
13012 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@moonadea:  +1

I would move the Earth to be at my sister’s wedding.  You could hire a sitter or ask your husband to talk to his boss about getting the time off.  Go yourself, find a cheap hotel, or find another guest you know and try to share a hotel room with them. 

I’d also be really careful with looking down on her choice to have her wedding in a park with pie.  You’ll find a lot of awesome un-traditional ideas on this website, and from the photos, they look like they were amazing weddings. There is no greater or lesser wedding just because of the venue or the desserts.

And honestly – the title of your post says you want to go, but I don’t believe it for a second.  It does seem like you’ve decided not to go and just want affirmation that you’re doing the right thing by skipping.  There wasn’t one positive thing in the whole post.

Post # 6
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

@moonadea:  this +1

I would move heaven and earth to attend my brother’s wedding and I live on the East Coast and him on the West. Granted, I don’t have children, but honestly, what harm is leaving them when you have the option of pumping and storing breast milk? You’ll only be gone a couple days…

It sounds like you have already made up your mind that you don’t want to go and are searching for a way to justify not attending (I don’t mean that in a negative way at all – I am just pointing out that it comes across that way from your post).

Post # 7
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

@abbie017:  HA – great minds think alike. Posted almost the same thing 3 seconds apart! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
13012 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MsMindle:  You’re right – great minds! 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Did they just spring this wedding on you all of a sudden?

I feel like I’m getting the idea that they planned it all very fast and expect you to drop everything and just attend.

If you really do want to go, I would try to arrange some baby-sitting and go alone. Your family will have to understand the complications of traveling with such young kids — both the logistics and the financial issues!

Let them know how complicated it would be for you to travel like this with the kids. Tell them everything you said here, but make sure they know you aren’t just “making excuses.”

I can’t imagine any decent person NOT understanding why you wouldn’t be able to attend this wedding, especially if this was a spur of the moment thing and they just expect you to be there without any complications or previous planning.

Post # 10
Member
1660 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@moonadea:  +1

I think you should try really, really, hard to make it if at all possible. I do think it would be cheapest/easiest for you to go alone if there’s anyway you could just go for 3 days total and have a friend watch the kids on Friday.

I planned my wedding in 3.5 months on the opposite coast. I knew that it would be hard for some of my friends/family to make it and of course I understood when some of them were unable to make it.

One of my best friends (and bridesmaids) had a 3 month old who she was breastfeeding at the time of my wedding. She pumped, left the baby with her hubby, flew cross country, arrived at 11:45pm the night before the wedding, and left at 6am the morning after. I felt so bad that she had to do that, but it really meant the world to me to have her there. I wouldn’t have been mad if she’d said she couldn’t swing it, but her “I wouldn’t miss it for the world” attitude really left an impression on me.

I had one very close friend who was not able to made it due to finances (and a tight schedule that would prevent her from turning the trip into a vacation)… I understood, but honestly, was a little peeved a month or two later when she took several spontaneous vacations that I knew cost far more than the ticket for my wedding. (And also that she said it would be different if she could have gotten a few more days off to make the trip “worthwhile”).

Good luck… it’s a tough situation.

Post # 11
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It sucks. You have to go or be prepared to really hurt your sibling in a way you cannot imagine. 

I get it, I really do. I find Friday weddings horribly inconvenient and Sundays to be worse. I don’t understand how you could ask guest to give up a day (or more) and not feed them a full meal. That is not how I am doing my wedding and really, really hate when I am invited to one. But, for some people you have to suck it up and go. You have to find a way to make it work or understand that they may never get over it. 

Post # 12
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Yeah – I’m the bride that did this to my sister.  I’m having my wedding on a Wednesday in December (because of the date) and my niece will be 10 months old (so not even old enough to be in the wedding).

I know it was a complete pain in the ass for my family.  And I apologized up front when I told them.  The only real thing I could do as a compromise was have the wedding near a major airport to make travel less of a debaucle.

Your post is a little confusing, because you say you didn’t have advance notice and then you talk about saving up for the trip….. when is the wedding?

I get that you don’t want to go and it’s a pain in the ass and you feel like they aren’t taking your situation into account…. but you’re not really being solution oriented.  If you don’t want to go.  Just don’t go.  But all your “excuses” except for the money issue are TOTALLY able to be overcome, if you want to find solutions.

First of all your son who is breast feeding is under 2, right?  He will be a lap child, so that is one less ticket you pay for.  In fact you say that BOTH kids are “under 3” – does that mean the OLDER one is 2 also?  Because if your hubs goes…. BOTH kids will fly free as a lap child (you’ll just have to sit in different rows…. you can’t have 4 people in one row).

The other “older” son is still in pre-school, right?  His “school” is not really all that important.  In fact, I’m in the camp that would say the experience of being a ring bearer in a wedding would trump everything up until about High School (and then only if it’s the week of a test he can’t make up).  So, you *could* make a vacation out of it – if you wanted to look on the bright side.

If it’s about money….. ask your sis if she can help with the ticket – or maybe your mom.  Or, if your hubs travels….. do you have frequent flier tickets?

I know they haven’t flown before…. but flying with kids isn’t that bad.  You can pre-board and get all situated.  Bring along a portable DVD player with a couple movies or a computer where you have downloaded some TV shows that your kids like.  The time goes by pretty quickly.  As far as your older son not sitting around people…. you can get 2 seats together and he can sit by the window…. so he won’t have to sit by a stranger.

Good Luck with your decision.

Post # 13
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@78h2o:  I have done something like your bridesmaid did– we went to a wedding Friday (FI’s childhood best friend), a wedding Saturday (close family), and another one on Sunday (my best friend), all of which were 4-5 hours apart. Everyone was so grateful that we did what we could to make it happen. Was it stressful, expensive, and the way I wanted to spend my weekend? Not at all. But for people you are that close to, you need to go.

Post # 14
Member
1660 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Pollywog:  That’s awesome. I’m sure that meant a lot to everyone.  I agree… weddings are (ideally) once in a lifetime events and I think it’s super important to be there for the people you love.

Post # 15
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If I were in your position (and I’m realLy NOT close to my siblings) I’d tell my husband to tell his work SORRY but my wife is out of town that weekend already. I understand not having a support system where you feel comfortable leaving your young kids all weekend. Buy one ticket. It’s your sister. (I don’t even LIKE one of my sisters but I’d go!) BUT if you simply can’t bring yourself to do it then don’t let yourself feel guilty. But don’t tell your family you “can’t” because they, like some of us on wedding bee will say you CAN. Just tell them why you WONT go. Only you can decide what you can handle though. (maybe they couldSkype you in? Lol!) good luck, whatever you choose will be right for you.

Post # 16
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You don’t HAVE to do anything. I mean, you are an adult with 2 small children and responsbilities. If you can’t make it then people need to deal with it.

The topic ‘I want to attend my siblings wedding but I don’t see how I can.’ is closed to new replies.

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