Post # 1
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
…this is a tough thing for me to admit but the more I think about it, the more I realize, it’s true.
I’ve never been the girl who dreamed and planned my wedding since I was a kid. In fact, I’ve always had a hard time picturing my wedding, even after I met my Fiance and knew I wanted to marry him, I just never could picture the wedding. Even after we got engaged, and I thought “Okay *now* surely, I will be struck by some inspiration, some aha moment that tells me the kind of wedding I want!”. But I never got it. The only thing I consistently felt was that I wanted to marry Fiance, I wanted it to be intimate and I wanted great photos.
Fiance, on the other hand, had strong opinions about the wedding – he wanted the whole shebang and apparently had always wanted it. He’s a traditionalist and between my non-vision and his desire to have a certain kind of wedding, we ended up deciding to have the wedding in his home country. I was initially okay with it. I told him I didn’t want a big wedding, so we decided to try to cap it at 100… but somehow that number just keeps increasing as both of our parents keep trying to shove people onto the wedding list. I knew one of the dangers of a destination wedding was that some people might not be able to come… but turns out, my best friend, my favourite uncle and baby cousins ended up being the people who couldn’t make it. I don’t blame them, but that really broke my heart a little. Turns out, having the wedding there isn’t as cheap as we thought it would be and “hiring” my FI’s aunt as our wedding planner didn’t really lead to smoothest planning process.
I feel lost, alone and like I have very little control over this wedding. It feels like I will show up, go through the motions of what my Fiance and his aunt think a wedding a should be and then we’ll be married. And I am not excited for it.
I don’t know what to do. The save the dates have already gone out and some people have started making their travel plans, but at the same time, I am not happy with the way this wedding is turning out to be. Our wedding planner has made decisions on some things without informing/asking us, she has not given us a break down of the costs, I have no idea why this wedding is going to cost us $5K to $7K more than we anticipated and some of my favourite people are not going to be able to make it to my wedding 🙁
Sorry if this seems like an aimless rant. I just had to get it off my chest.
Post # 2
Member
1824 posts
Buzzing bee
I’m a bit like you and have never daydreamed about my wedding day or anything.
I live abroad, in my husband’s country, and we got married here.
A lot of the preparation was out of my hands, because weddings here are just different. We had probably something like 500 people. I had 8 guests from overseas, including my parents, about a dozen colleagues of mine came from within this country, and basically everyone elsewas my fiance”s side or a mutual friend.
It was overwhelming thinking about it in the run up. Various things weren’t how I wanted them to be. Some days I dreaded the wedding. But in thé end I decided to enjoy it for what it was, even if it wasn’t exactly what I’d have done it could be a fun party if I let it be. And it was. Do you think you’ll be able to let go and enjoy it for what it is, even if its not your ideal?
As for money, I would draw the line there. Insist on a clear outline of what has been spent. Make it clear you won’t pay for things you haven’t agreed on in advance.
Post # 3
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
sensoda : thanks for sharing your experience. I think I could probably enjoy it ultimately but all of this is so recent and raw, that I find myself getting upset every time I think about the wedding. I think the thing that upsets me even more is that Fiance has not been as supportive as I had hoped about this. He acts like I’m being dramatic and I should’ve said something before we made the decision on where to have the wedding, even though I HAD told him that it would be tough for some of my family to come… But I just feel like he kept pushing his country as the location because he didn’t want to inconvenience his own family with traveling. And the fact that he doesn’t even acknowledge that he might not have been as cognizant of my family just rubs me the wrong way.
Post # 4
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee
I’m honestly feeling much the same. I’m excited to be married, but starting to sort of dread the actual wedding. I also was never a person who dreamed of a wedding, and in fact I always wanted to elope but compromised on having a small weding. My wedding is coming up soon, and now that it’s close I’m getting stressed about something going wrong and the pressure of throwing a fun party for all these people who are travelling for us. Mostly I’m afraid my (very dysfunctional) family will stress me out and I won’t be able to enjoy the actual excitement and happiness of the wedding part itself, at least as much as I would without them there. And I’m just stressed about all the little things that need to happen before the event to make it all go smoothly.
But oh well… the tradeoff of having the few stressful family members is that I’ll also have the rest of my really awesome and supportive family and friends there. And I do love the elements I’m in control of – my dress, my photographer, my venue, and most importantly, my FH. 🙂
As you know if you’ve read enough of the recaps here, a lot of people have wedding day mishaps, and most still seem to have a great time in spite of all those snaffus. Fingers crossed we’ll be able to enjoy our days! And if my family does make a scene or something, well… I’ll have the honeymoon to recuperate. 😉
Post # 5
Member
1824 posts
Buzzing bee
hermionegranger : How far away is your weddding? Are there some aspects that you can focus on that you have control over? For example, I took the dress entirely into my own hands and wouldn’t let anyone else tell me what fabric I should get, what pattern I should use or even what tailor I should use. So the dress mightn’t have been what anyone here would have wanted, but I was more than happy with it.
It’s tough that your fiancé doesn’t recognise the sacrifices you’re making to enable the wedding to happen where he wants it to be.