(Closed) I want to be married…but do we HAVE to live together???

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I kind of get that.  Fiance is here 2-3 days a week, but he lives with his parents.  I do have slight worries about living with someone after living by myself for over 4 years, and even though he is about to turn 37, he lives in a culture where it is usual for mothers to do all the housework/cleaning etc.  Therefore, I worry a little about the transition from “mum will pick up after me” to “bamm will start a fight if I don’t pick up after myself.” His very traditional father has actually already told him ‘now you have a foreigner as a fiancee…so you should start to learn how to do housework!’ 

The one good thing with us is that we are very comfortable with socializing without each other and we both work long hours.  I think you might need to talk to your Fiance and explain your love for him…but need for some alone time.  Perhaps you can work out certain times when you get the apartment to yourself (he has a ‘boys night out’ or a study session at the library) and/or do something by yourself to help ease the transition.  I think things will get easier for you over time, but you will need an inital adjustment period.^^

Post # 4
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

we have been living together since 2006. when we originally moved in together it was definitly an adjustment and there was a lot of give and take happening. we each have our personal space i guess you could call it in our place. his domain is the garage. thats where he goes when he stressed or im just aggravating the living daylights out of him. he also knows that when im curled up on the couch next to the lamp with a book or my lap top or im watching certain tv shows to leave me alone until i talk to him. as long as you at least have a certain area that is yours that you can kind of retreat to it should def help…even if its just your own desk or an armchair in the corner.

Post # 5
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I live with my fiance (dang it still feels strange saying that).  And he and I have a three bedroom apartment with three kids, here it’s funny because tonight I had a kid free man free zone and it was sooo quiet i napped on the sofa, browsed the internet watched hgtv and well after about three hours I missed them all insanely.  You will learn to deal with the hustle and bustle and having another body around.  You will begin to crave his warmth in the bed when you roll over and he is already at work, or you’ll start to grin when you smell the coffee or breakfast that he’s made just because he thinks you are adorable and need your beauty sleep.  But you will also want to punch him when he leaves his hair on the sink after shaving (maybe that’s just me) or when he hogs the flat screen watching ESPN.  But you will adjust and you will morph into a wife and no longer be a single woman.

Post # 6
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@crebre80….i know what you mean about missing him! my fiance is military and i struggle every time hes gone to fall alseep in our bed. it feels empty without him there! i have cats which help combat the house being too quiet but its still the best when hes home!

Post # 7
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

I have a small house and we don’t live together, but on the nights he does stay over my main complaint is how much space he takes up on my bed!

Its just about queen sized, so there is plenty of space for me to turn over in the night. I don’t like “snuggling” or anything touching me when I’m fast asleep, but Boyfriend or Best Friend still manages to crowd me into one end of the bed so that I’m almost falling off on one side or bumping into him on the other! I have to wake up multiple times just to shove him over to the middle of the bed for some space…

I am seriously getting one of these once we are hitched, or maintaining his and hers bedroom suites like they did about a century ago…

Also, OMG but how much does he EAT??? Hes not (too) overweight or anything… but he’s just constantly eating all the time! He can deplete all my stocked up weekend food in the refridgerator in a day… How is that even normal???

Post # 8
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Cybele-OMG where did you find that, cuz I seriously want one! I have the same problem, we have a queen sized bed and yet I’m always the one almost falling off the edge cuz he needs to spread out and push me out of the bed. Plus we have two furbabies who alternate between sleeping with us and running around the house all night.

Post # 9
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

@Frugalista – you get em here – http://www.bedhog.com/… the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced separate bedrooms are a great idea 😛

Post # 10
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Cybele-I agree seperate bedrooms is the way to go, no worries about snoring or bed hogging…ahh sounds heavenly!

Post # 11
Member
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011 - The Tribute Golf Club

I’ve lived with Fiance for over a year now, and although everyone has little quirks, I love having him around.  We do have a guest room with a TV, so when he’s playing a game and I want to watch TV, it’s great to have another room to go into for that.  I’m sure once he’s there all the time, you’ll get used to/love it!

Post # 12
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We’re both major introverts too, and we both love living alone. When we move in together, we’re planning on getting a slightly bigger place (he lives in a studio loft now, haha…. we want SOME walls!) so we’ll both have space to ‘escape’ if need be.

Sure, it’ll be an adjustment, but he’s so worth it!

Post # 13
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@Cybele and Frugalista – when Fiance and I first got together, he actually slept on the floor! Before meeting me, he had never slept in a Western style bed, so he felt very strange sleeping in a bed. He made a little bed for himself right beside my already low bed. It was great! I had the whole bed to myself, but could reach over and touch him in the middle of the night.  Eventually, he got used to beds, and now he steals my blankets all the time! Our final compromise is two comforters so we each get our own!

Post # 14
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Both FH and I are only-children and we both need space! 

My cousin and her husband actually have separate bedrooms. It as been that way for the seventeen years they have been together. People think it’s odd, but I think it makes perfect sense (for them). From what she says, their sex life doesn’t suffer, she doesn’t have to be kept up by his snoring and he doesn’t have to deal with her massive clothes collection. 

Post # 15
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Mondy, when the time comes you will be able to work it out. Fiance and I moved in together after 2 years of dating. It was hard for me at first because I was used to my own bed, futon, tv, kitched, BATHROOM, etc. We were both students living on the edge of campus but he had much fewer classes than me because I was also teaching. It seemded like every time I came home he was home, he was never gone. He didn’t even go out with his friends unless I went with him. When it started to bother me I just told him how I felt. Instead of me coming home to do my homework/grading I would stay on campuse between classes or after classes for a while or even go back to campus for a bit after dinner. This gave me some time away. Also, Fiance likes to lay in bed to watch TV and the computer was also in the bedroom. Our apartment was only 3 rooms, a bedroom, kitchen/living area, and bathroom so much of the time when Fiance was in the bedroom I hung out on the futon in the living room.

You will get used to it you just need to find ways to get away every now and then. Also, make sure you set laundry days and help eachother or take turns so that you don’t start to resent him for you having to do all the work. Same with dinner/dishes/cleaning bathroom/etc.

Post # 16
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

 Living with anybody is a challenge, whether it’s parents, siblings, roommates or a partner. I’ve lived with my fiance for a year and a half and I LOVE it, but we have very different work schedules so it’s hard for us to get sick of each other or spend too much time at home together.

 I would say the most important thing is making sure you each have your own space in the apartment and time every week to decompress by yourself or with your friends.

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