- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2015
[content moderated for trolling]
[content moderated for trolling]
What a bad day you had! I can’t even imagine your mom behaving like that, it’s so uncalled for. She must be an angry person and a perfectionist to boot. No air conditioning in the bridal shop would have been the crowning blow. This whole scenario was like something out of a comedy drama but it actually hurt to imagine how i would feel and to see you be so distressed.
All this being said to emphasize that what happened today has nothing to do with your self worth or your beauty or your dress because those are all fine. It’s not even a mistake that you two chose to throw a wedding to make your families happy — that is so sweet and unselfish.
It was just a bad day with a mom behaving very badly. Really badly.
hopefully you are bouncing back from this and realize the truth — that if you liked your dress before today, you will LOVE it on your wedding day. You will be a beautiful bride. A big virtual hug and positive thoughts/prayers out for a beautiful day where you concentrate on people with normal attitudes and take your mom with a grain of salt.
I’m sorry. I would refocus. Stop trying to please everyone, and tell your family that you will be taking the rest of this week for yourself, to center yourself and deal with all of the last minute personal logistics. Then spend time only with people who make you happy and excited. Do you have a close friend you could go back and look at the dress with? Would it make you feel better to go to a department store or order something online so that you have backup if you decide you really can’t wear it?
Honestly, just spend time with your fiance and think about how you’re ALMOST MARRIED. It’s huge! Your behaviour reflects on you; your mother is her own responsibility.
I would take a bridesmaid when you go pick it up to get instruction on how to help you put it on properly, then have her help you on the day with your other bridesmaids – don’t have your mum anywhere near you!
Is it possible to get a massage or something on Thursday for your neck/shoulders/back?
Good luck for Friday, try to keep calm and think positive in the meantime.
It’s so important for your dress to be laced up by someone who knows what they’re doing and will do everything to make you feel good and comfortable. My sister laced up my dress on the day and she really listened to me, pulled it tight where it needed to be tight, pulled it lose where it needed to be lose..
You need to go back to that shop with your Maid/Matron of Honor or a close friend and try it on again with people who will take the time to listen to you. And stop involving your mom. Don’t involve her on the day of your wedding at all.
I had a bad fitting experience with my dress on Sunday. When I bought the dress several months ago, I was overjoyed with it. On Sunday, I felt like a fat monster. I was tired, the store was overly busy, I’ve gained maybe four pounds since buying it, just everything felt off. I cried about it on Sunday night. I went back with just my mother first thing Monday morning, after getting a good night’s sleep, and got everything sorted out. I feel much better now. I would encourage you to go back, even just by yourself, and try it again. If the store is hot, go to a really air conditioned place first or blast the AC in your car and take an iced drink in there with you. Those dresses can be really hot if you’re already uncomfortable. I was so miserable Sunday night and I feel so much better now. I really hope that you will feel better too.
Sorry bee, people are such downers sometimes. Looks like your mom is not very supportive and not helpful. Try to not involve her in your planning anymore. I realise it’s kind of too late for that, but try your best to relax a little bit. I have never seen a bride that is not beautiful on her own wedding. Everyone looks gorgeous on the day they are marrying the love of their life. Try to think about that. Your fiance would love to see you in your dress, wear it for the ceremony at least, then later you can change into something else. You are beautiful! He loves you like you are, so who cares what your mother is saying/doing. Her opinion is insignificant. Hugs!
Bees, just wanted to update you. I took all your advice and went back to try the dress on again with just my Maid/Matron of Honor. She was really supportive and loved the dress. She knows how to do it up so can help me on Friday and keep my mum occupied. I still feel a bit silly in it, but certainly more positive than when I went with my mum.
My Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law arrived today and were sorting through belongings of a recently deceased family member. My Future Mother-In-Law came and found me when I arrived to help and hugged me and started crying because sorting through the belongings was difficult (FI was shocked because he has never seen her cry). It reminded me why we decided to have a wedding, and I think if I focus on that, no matter how silly I feel in a poofy white dress, then everything will be fine on Friday and I won’t regret having a wedding.
Thanks again for the wise and kind advice, as always. I am grateful.
As incredibly challenging as some family members can be, a wedding is a rare opportunity to get all of your favourite people (or at least the people who love you, even when they have the weirdest freakin’ way of expressing it sometimes) together in one room to celebrate. Treasure all of the good moments that come with it, and allow yourself to let go of anything else. If your Mum starts anything on the day, give yourself permission to just walk away from her. You’re happiness about your new marriage will be the best response and revenge towards her negativity.
I honest to god have never seen a bride that didn’t look amazing on her big day. I suspect that the pre-wedding stress may have tainted your feelings about the dress – you do sound like the type of person to be hard on yourself. Once you have your hair and make-up done, and all of your beautiful accessories in place, I am sure that the dress will feel much more in place when you put it on. Enjoy every moment of it!
People can really suck. I am deeply regretting throwing a big wedding myself and wish I we hadn’t already paid for most of it so we could just run off and elope together. It seems that even though a wedding is supposed to be a celebration of love and a union of two people allot of guests, family and friends try to make out about themselves. You love your man and the rest of it shouldn’t matter.
I cant really judge everything from two posts, but your mom is very toxic to you and your relationship. She has been emotionally abusive and manipulative your whole life and I am so sorry you have to go through that. It sound like your mom is a narcissistic parent, and there are a lot of blogs and support groups for Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents (ACNP). As incredibly difficult as it is to come to terms with, once adult children of narcissistic parents really understand their parent’s condition, they often keep their distance because all it does is create misery for the. And their families (think about the impact your grandmother had on you growing up). There are ways to handle these parents and create emotional barriers to protect yourself so I would absolutely look into it after the wedding and honeymoon.
of course it is easier said than done and not something you can tackle before your wedding, but I would honestly keep my mom far away on the wedding day. Her pattern is to bring you down and abuse you emotionally. it sounds like she will bring you down no matter what, even if you feel beautiful, which is okay to feel! Just know that you are BEAUTIFUL and clearly incredibly kind and strong to be willing to put up with that your whole life. That negativity isnt needed on your wedding day and if she does try and ruin the day (which in effect she already has by helping you build such a negative body image… Again, HUGS) I would ask her to leave.
Good luck and keep us updated. Please be kind to yourself and remember you are marrying your wonderful FI! Focus on that and it will hopefully be able to block out some of the BS.
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