Post # 1
I’ll try to make this short. We used to be BFF”s, inseperable, roommates, etc.
As I’ve gotten to know her more, grow up, and life happened, I’ve realized I don’t like her anymore. She is constantly negative. Her life is always worse than yours (like it’s a competition). Ithink she’s actually bad at her job (we’re both teachers).
I find myself doing things just to not piss her off – I didn’t have a Maid/Matron of Honor for my wedding because I knew she would throw a fit that I didnt’ pick her (and there would be drama ALL THE TIME).
I want to just end the friendship. I don’t like her anymore and find trying to maintain a friendship really really hard. I am biting my tongue when we talk to avoid yelling at her, I avoid inviting her to things, etc.
BUT, and here is where the problem lies – we owrk togther in the same school. AND our husband’s work together at the same company. They aren’t on the same team, but they work closely enough that they need to be friendly.
So what do I do????? I can’t stand being around her, but I can’t end the friendship. Help!!
Post # 3
@Glasgowbound: just be nice to her at work, as a regular colleague. you are not obligated to spend any time with her outside of work. don’t bother to calll her to see how she’s doing, don’t go out to lunch, don’t have cocktails on friday night, don’t invite her to parties. just stop hanging out with her. i’m sure she will get the hint.
Post # 4
@Glasgowbound: Yikes!!! I was going to say just end it but then I read about the jobs and all I would (if possible) say that you just have a lot going on and that you wanted to give her a heads up so she doesn’t think your ignoring her, even though you really are haha.
Post # 5
@Glasgowbound: Well, if you cannot end the friendship, then find a mature way to MEND the friendship. If face to face will be too hard, then try writing a really poignant letter, without nastiness, etc.
I have had trying times in some friendships, and I confronted those issues with that person, whether it be in person/over the phone, or in a letter format. 9 times out of 10, they were receptive, and it cleared the ‘issues’ or confustion. The other ‘times’, it was not received well, and they chose to end the friendship/speaking to me, which was fine because at least I know I took the higher road to ease the tension, etc.
Post # 6
I’ve had friends that I’ve worked with in the past who annoyed me (thank goodness I don’t have that problem now whew), but I would agree with the avoiding hanging out after work thing.
Unfortuately, making nice at work is something that we all have to do.
If she asks to do anything outside of work, for at least a while….I’d come up with a new time consuming home project LOL. Maybe you and your hubby want to redecorate a room? Build a deck or a fench? Something that occupies BOTH of your time for a little while and declining hanging out will be easy for the both of you.
Post # 7
@Glasgowbound: I ended a friendship just like this and it was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. The friendship had become toxic and, like you, I couldn’t ever say anything without being on-upped. We worked in the same (large) office. We literally took every lunch & break together 5 days a week until the day I broke it off.
For me, it was a blow up that finally did it. We were out with other friends on a Saturday night. The details don’t matter, but she ended up screaming at the birthday boy while I was being screamed at by her SO. On Monday she called at 10:30 to see if I was ready to go on break like nothing happened. I said I couldn’t, super busy all morning. So she called at lunch. Busy. I didn’t feel the need to actually have a break up talk with her because of the blow up on Saturday. So I just kept being too busy. It was super awkward at first but I’m much happier with her out of my life.
Post # 8
That SUCKS! Oh, man. I have NO idea what I would do.
Sorry you’re in such a mess!
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
Obviously it’s not the same, but in highschool (senior year) there was this girl who I had been friends with forever and we used to have everything in common and then suddenly our priorities are completely opposite and she stopped caring about school and I just started to really dislike her and absolutely everything she did irritated me. I wanted to end the friendship, but it was hard because we were editors of the yearbook together, we were in all the same classes, we had all the same friends, we were planning prom together, etc. It was annoying, but I waited until the summer once school was finished to end our friendship. I didn’t want it to ruin our school years or cause drama or for it to be awkward to see each other everyday. I stayed friendly to her throughout the school year, but didn’t hang out with her outside of school anymore and kept our friendship based around school only. I basically stopped talking to her about my personal life and kind of gradually ended that part of our friendship. The friendship was pretty much already over from lack of contact, but I ended it officially during the summer to prevent confusion.
I agree with PPs that probably the best thing to do is to just stay friendly with her at work and limit your relationship to that. Just stop hanging out and talking unless it’s strictly about school and during school hours. Eventually I’m sure she’ll get preoccupied with other things and the friendship will phase itself out.
Post # 10
Honestly, I’d just let us “drift apart” if I were you. Stop being available to hang out, don’t call or text, be polite when she talks to you but don’t make an effort on your end. If you can avoid a confrontation, do it, since you still have to work together. I mean, you may not be able to avoid talking about it if she forces the issue, but you can just try to transition your relationship into one of polite coworkers instead of friends. I mean, it happens all the time without people necessarily intending for it to – just don’t spend any time with her that you don’t have to.
Post # 11
Thanks everybody. I have tried to distance myself as much a s I can. It’s just hard as there’s a group who are friends. they feel the same way I do (we’ve all talked about it). But, if we go to happy hour, we feel bad not inviting her. were planning a girls weekend to one of the girls beach house, and if we don’t invite her, it would feel like a Blatant snub. So were all in a pickle.
She keeps dropping phrases like “if I’m even here next year” and “if I’m even teaching next year”. Fingers crossed she just doesn’t come back or goes to another school!!!
Post # 12
In this situation I’d distance myself over time. Becaue you work together there will be major drama if you actively “break up” with her.
If she notices and asks you what’s wrong, I’d tell her. If you guys used to be best friends, it’s appropriate for you to have this sort of conversation. I’d say something like, “Over the years I’ve found that you have become negative and I don’t want to surround myself with that.”
Maybe it’ll help her see herself more clearly.
Post # 13
i cutted contact with a former best friend a few months back due to loyalty issues and she blocked me on Facebook but then recently we talked and realize that we don’t make a good best friend pair and were two totally different people with completely different values. We then agreed to be aquatinces and nothing more.