(Closed) I Want to call off my wedding

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee

Is your fiancé helping you plan the wedding? 

Post # 17
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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schoening22:  Oh that isnt even the half of it! Last week our venue cancelled on us causing us to have to scramble to find something else. We are using VRBO and the “host” sold the house we booked and paid for. The new venue is 5 hours away from the old one, which caused the airport to fly into to change. So my parents who overzealously booked their flights (when I specifically told them to wait, as they would be cheaper etc) are now going to miss the welcome dinner. We also had some trouble with the parents inviting people that were not invited (about 20 extra guests we had to call and explain to them we are sorry for our parents excitement, but unfortunately they misspoke and we couldnt wait to celebrate at our reception locally when we returned). Luckily all but one understood as wasn’t offended or mad (that we know of). So yeah… lol it’s been lovely.. at least we’re doing a short engagement though! I couldn’t imagine another 3-6 more months of this maddness… and since now everything is booked n paid for we just need to wait and save money n hope everything else goes smoothly  good luck with your planning! As long as you have eachother everything else is just static..

“As you sit side by side through this roller coaster of life, remember to scream from the peaks, hold hands through the dips, laugh through the loop the loops, and enjoy every twist and turn..”

Post # 18
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Oh I feel you. We had a private ceremony in Mexico (just the two of us, an officiant, and photographer) 3 weeks ago and that was the easy part. We are 8 days away from our reception in our home state for 90 people and I’m losing my damn mind. I went through a period a few months ago where I was just totally over it and had to take a step back. I got back into it and was fine, but now that it’s next weekend, I really just can’t wait for it to be over with. I’m so stressed about all the things I can’t control (i.e. other people). Combine that with hating having all the attention/pressure on me and I’m done! haha.

Post # 18
Member
1680 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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schoening22:  I’ve had moments of needing a break, so I just took a break from wedding planning. I kept telling myself and anybody else, including my Fiance this…”I refuse to get stressed out over a party that is only going to last 5 hours…so at this point I don’t care about XYZ” So far it has worked lol and everthing is working out…try to remember that it’s not always what is happening that’s the problem, it’s your perspective of what’s happening.  {Hugs}

Post # 19
Member
2787 posts
Sugar bee

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schoening22:  I was extremely stressed and feeling down after announcing and trying to figure out planning to start with. All of my issues stemmed from my side though and issues that arose with that. I enjoy it more now to date because I have a lot of love and support through my fi’s family and they’re really excited/involved.

I heavily debated eloping so we could just tiptoe around everyone’s feelings and not have to endure insults through planning. The sad part was my mother was more excited at the prospect of me eloping than my wedding. I unvited my entire side instead. I didn’t want to back down to not doing what I wanted and what I dreamed of just because of others. Our ceremony is pretty small. Only 40 people tops with his father’s side in the states if they all come. So planning isn’t too stressful since we are keeping it simple and low cost. We’ll have a second wedding out of the country with his mom’s side but I think it’ll pretty much be planned for us so all we need to do is get on the plane. I’m more stressed about the 15 hour flight but excited all the same to go out of the country.

 

Do you know what’s the root behind the stress for you? Is it just planning? Is there anyone whom can help or can you afford possibly a planner to take some of the stress? My only advice I suppose is just take it a day at a day, breathe, and as many will tell you…wine is a good friend.

Post # 21
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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schoening22:  Oh man! I feel ya girl! I still need to get my dress altered too.. luckily a family friend of ours is able to turn it around in 2 weeks so I’m going to probably kick myself for this but I’m going to try n push having it done until next month.. lol – maybe with my luck I should just do it haha.. 

I don’t have a DJ for mine, but I can imagine that 2 months limiting your chices significantly. Did you ask if he had any references? Maybe he can help you get a deal with someone else he knows for your troubles? Never hurts to ask! 

Try out thumbtack, or even the yellow pages for vendors, sometimes theres lesser known people in the phoneboook who aren’t super busy (or don’t want to be super busy) for alterations. DJs also will be on Thumbtack too.. that way you tell them your date and budget etc.. and they come to you so you can chose from vendors that are available.

Post # 22
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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schoening22:  What’s your date? Mines May 21 … are we wedding twins?!

Post # 23
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Church

I totally feel ya! Wedding planning is the absolute worst thing ever. Hang in there though, my fiance keeps telling me to stick it out and it’ll all be over soon. Stay strong. 

Post # 24
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Sorry to hear bee. I am pretty exhausted from planning our destination wedding, even though we have an amazing wedding planner and a decent budget to work with, but man, is just exhausting.

Post # 25
Member
2274 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m going to post something that I hope will be helpful. If it isn’t, don’t hesitate to disagree with me.

In spite of the “freedom” contemporary brides seem to tell themselves they have, I don’t get that impression at all. I see the whole process as far more complicated, annoying, and unfulfilling than weddings were when I was a girl.

THEN- dating a wonderful guy, mutual decision that marriage was in the cards, engaged a year after our first date, didn’t live together, Church wedding 2 miles from my family home, reception where my mom and dad had had theirs, one entree (capon) served, open bar throughout, chose my gown and my mom’s all by myself, had three good friends as BMS and a cousin I barely knew (FOR FAMILY) as Maid/Matron of Honor, an accordpianist (really!) as the only music at the reception, 4 day road trip for honeymoon and back to work Friday.

NOW??? Well you ALL know how things are now. WHY? Manipulation by wedding industry at least in part, and acquiesance by brides, grooms, families……. 

IF you are not ENJOYING EVERY ASPECT of your marrying experience, ask YOURSELF why! I enjoyed EVERY SINGLE THING about our wedding (except the altar flowers, but even that didn’t DEVASTATE me), and I have the BEST memories of that wonderful day when I became Mrs. Ann Reid.

IF you are old enough and mature enough to be married, ask yourself what parts of your experience are truly bothering you, then DUMP THEM. NO TEARS, NO DISCUSSION, NO SECOND THOUGHTS, NO ANGST, NO DEVASTATION!

AND MOST IMPORTANT- NO WEDDING PLANNER!

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by ann.reid.9277.
Post # 27
Member
6 posts
Newbee

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schoening22:  listen to me. My wedding is 80something days away. I havent cried more now then in my entire LIFE. I haven’t felt so alone (granted I have an amazing and supportive fiancé) everyone else is a nightmare. sure the Fiance and I have gotten into horrific arguments but it’s all over wedding drama and would not be there until you has the wedding so do not hold this too much against your fiancé.  Besidss my father NOT coming and all of my BMs including my sister and my niece dropping out of the wedding. Let me tell you a little bit about the emotional STRESS Rollercoaster I have have put on just this one topic right here. 

 

[I’ve been trying to plan my Bach. My sister is married with two kids  and didnt even offer to plan nor doesn’t even care to know about it. My Maid/Matron of Honor just had a baby 6 months ago and doesnt want to go (she was offered to be paid for by my super sweet fiancé so money wasn’t an issue). My other best friend was supposed to plan it but lost her job, got a new one, but never ended up planning it. A coworker and her friend said they would go, another coworker said they would go, but all dropped out at last minute. 🙁  The only person who has been down to go from he beginning is my fiancés brothers gf (they been together for 10 years) who we were really close but after my engagement she was riddled with jealousy and then things got EXTREMELY weird.  So it came down to me, her, and my best friend who were booking today.  Until my BFF told me she can’t book anymore due to money. Even though she told me time and time again that she was going and that she even put the days in and all. So now it’s just me and fiances brothers gf. I really truly wanted to go away. What to do?? 🙁 I REALLY hateeee everyone right now.]

 

Hope this made you feel better and that you’re not alone. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by littleme.
  • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by littleme.
Post # 28
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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schoening22:  I felt that way and from this website I have learned that many brides do as well. Just try to relax, it’ll be stressful now but once the day comes it’ll all be worth ti. Just remember, let everything go on your wedding day and don’t let ANTYHIGN bring you down, you only get this day once so enjoy it while it lasts!

Post # 29
Member
3527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I HATE wedding planning mostly because of financial constraints. I would have happily eloped with my 5 family members there and FI’s immediate famy ibut Fiance has a big family and wants to share the day wih them….and I like them too so we need to have a wedding. We bounced back and forth between doing it in his small home town (far from us, logistically hard to plan), a Destination Wedding – awesome for us, but everyone complained how it’s still too expencive and they dont want to spend their vacation time for a week long trip down to the carribean (weirdoes lol) … then we were starting to plan it here in Toronto (and surrounding area) = too expensive. We though of going farther out but logistically complicated… and then when I litterally lost my shit over all the stress…. we decided that we need some quiet time away from the city bit still share it with family and friends… and came up with the idea that we should rent a cottage in a small resort (with like 5-7 cottages total) but many more around in the area… and we will be having a weekend there and our closest family and friends will be in the cottages in the same resort (kinda wanna take over the whole resort for the weekend) and if someone want to come early or stay later they are welcome too but they dont have to commit a whole week, max 2 days.. so we will invite everyone on our guest list max 100ppl (about 25ppl will be in the surroumdimg cottages) and the other 60-75 ppl will be in a cottage or hotel not too far. We will get married in a short, stand up ceremony on the water (chairs for the elderly/disabled only) and then have a family BBQ on the property, and after the weeked is over we will either stay at the same place or go to annother cottage for iur honeymoon (unless Zika gets under controll and we can actually go down south). The cost to our guest will be the same as staying in a hotel in Toronto, but will be more relaxing and no one beeds to be fancy. It will be a non fancy, fun BBQ. No tuxes and such. So now we are looking for a cottage that fints our wish list  🙂

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