Post # 16
That’s happening to me too, and mine is just people from London going to Italy for the weekend. I cannot imagine what it must be like for people travelling all the way from the US. Weddings are expensive for guests, too. 32 all the way from the US is a great turnout rate and not very different from his 50. If people have confirmed coming I wouldn’t go cancelling because you’d also be letting those down who are happy for you and want to celebrate with you.
Post # 17
32 people flying from anywhere in the US to Florence is a LOT! I’d love to go to a Tuscan wedding, but I’m not sure we could swing it currently. Flights to Italy are over $1k (each) and then a rental car, etc, etc. Easily a $3k-$4k weekend.
Post # 18
If you’re really upset about it, you could slash your budget in half, cutting back on all the pretty pretty shiny things, and spend $25k on people’s airfare.
Post # 19
I just did a quick check and round trip tickets from where I live (Chicago) to Italy start at $3,300 per person. That’s nearly $7,000 in airfaire alone. Most people I know don’t have that kind of disposable income lying around for a trip that isn’t of their choosing.
You have to realize that when you plan a Destination Wedding you’re going to have a much lower turnout than you’d like. I think it’s very bridezilla-ish of you to think that people just don’t care….and I don’t buy the thought that if they really cared they’d find a way. No way – not in this economy.
Be happy for the 32 people that are coming from your side – in Destination Wedding numbers, that’s a ton!
I agree with the other posters that said to have a celebration in the States next time you’re there.
Post # 20
As someone who is having a destination wedding too, it’s hard when you realize people who said they wanted to come and would do whatever it takes to get there cancel. But unfortunately, that’s the reality of having a wedding somewhere else. We have had a good chunk of our guest list including my fiance’s father and two members of our original bridal party pull out of the trip. These are people that said they would be going come hell or high water. It sucks for sure, but we know that if things were different they would be part of the day. But we are both looking on the bright side that we have 30 people from both our families and friends that are pulling out all the stops to be present on our day, and they are showering us in so much love and excitement leading up to the trip.
I can’t speak to the money part of things, because that was one of our reasons why we decided to do a destination wedding, because we couldn’t afford to spend all that money on one day. It’s okay to be disappointed, but just remember that majority of these people likely DO want to go but can’t afford to/it’s not logistically possible or they cannot make it due to other reasons. It doesn’t mean they support your marriage any less.
Post # 21
Horseradish: If you’re really upset about it, you could slash your budget in half, cutting back on all the pretty pretty shiny things, and spend $25k on people’s airfare.
Seriously OP, tough love here. DW’s always have a lower guest count simply due to the costs and difficulty of travelling. Tusancy isn’t like having a Destination Wedding in Cancun – it’s a very expensive trip for those coming from the US. Cost aside, that’s a lot of time off of work.
Out of curiosity I did a little price checking. For me to take a flight to Florence from the closest airport to me (which is still 2 hours away) is $1400. If I opted to drive 5 hours to a “big” airport, the flight is almost $1500. You’re looking at almost $3,000 for a couple just to fly to your wedding. That doesn’t include gas/travel to the airport, parking fees, cost of meals/misc stuff while traveling, a rental car when you get there, accommodations, meals, and just misc expenses. That is easily a $5,000+ trip for a couple to attend your wedding from the US, assuming they are staying more than the weekend – because it would be silly to spend that much money and go that far for just a weekend. I’m sorry, but that INSANE to expect that of your guests and the fact you’ve got 32 people will to do it is amazing IMO.
Post # 22
“You’re looking at almost $3,000 for a couple just to fly to your wedding.”
Makes the 8th grade graduation two towns down the road look better and better all the time!
Post # 23
Thank you all for the comments and for the tough love – I need it. I realize how selfish I have been to plan this lavish wedding and to have expected people to come. I realize it was a huge, expensive ask and I should be grateful to the people that have rsvp’d, and I am. I still can’t help feeling hugely dissapointed though and that all of my effort was a waste. The trouble is I wish I had just done it in NY (where I’m from) to begin with and that I could just cancel it all and have a doover. It’s too late now though as the money we have spent so far is non refundable. My options are to keep the wedding, with the huge dissapointment of not having the people I care about there. Or cancel the whole thing and just do the town hall as if we lose this money, we definitely won’t have the money to organize another US wedding from scratch. The choice seems obvious, but (probably stubbornly) I feel like what’s the point of going through with it and that
I would rather just cancel it altogether.
Post # 24
- Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX
You were selfish to plan this desitination wedding with the expectation that everyone would be able to and afford to come, and now you’re being selfish saying you want to cancel it. So those 32 people who are coming are going to have to cancel their flights? Most flights are non-refundable if you go with the cheapest airfare or there is a steep cancellation fee. I would be livid if I shelled out to go to a destination wedding and then it was cancelled because not enough people were coming. It comes across that those people aren’t good enough. Don’t you see how that’s a slap in the face to the people who are coming?
Take a step back and pull yourself together. You have 32 people flying half way around the world for you, which is amazing. Continue planning this wedding and stop throwing this pity party. I’m sorry for the tough love, but your initial post and follow up really rub me the wrong way.
Post # 25
if you cancel, what about the guests who have already booked their travel? They will all lose their money.
Honestly, you need a little time to think about everyone else . It will make you feel better to stop feeling bad about what you’re not getting and appreciate those who are willing to go to such lengths to make your dream come true.
Post # 26
totally agree. Nevermind that these people have already booked time away from work.
Seriously OP, get yourself together and learn to be gracious and thankful for the people spending significant time and money to join you.
Post # 27
Plus if you were to cancel it in favor of a NYC wedding, well, you’re just trading places with your fiance, aren’t you? Because then it becomes his family who has to spend thousands flying across the Atlantic.
Post # 28
You shouldn’t cancel if people have bought flights already, that’s a given. Just enjoy the wedding and the company of the people who were able to make it.
Why can’t you just organise a party to celebrate the marriage the next time you’re in New York and invite everyone who wasn’t able to make it? It doesn’t have to cost much, maybe just choose a place to eat and everyone pays their way. That way you can celebrate with people you love AND get a romantic wedding in Tuscany. It’s what I’d do in your situation.
Post # 29
I’m sorry your family can’t come.
It really depends on the type of income your family has. If they are middle class, even upper, that is just a ton of money for them to roundtrip fly to Tuscany. If there are two people on one income that’s going to be about 5000 dollars! That is absurd to me, but that’s because I don’t make enough to even consider a destination wedding like that. Even if my brother/etc. was getting married I would have to tell them no in that situation because I literally do not have the cash. Money doesn’t just show up.
Post # 30
Hi there. I’m sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I can relate and although I have had similar thoughts over the past few weeks, I will admit a large part of what’s getting me down is the general stress associated with the overall event itself. My family is in Canada and the Caribbean. His family is in England. We decided to keep the wedding in the US (for our sanity), however, like you, I’ve had a lot of people decline and it has felt a little personal (i.e. I sent my save the dates about 11 months in advance, then people told me they just booked right over the date – like they didn’t even care). But I’m trying to stay grounded and know that on the day itself, you will have a wonderful experience and get to spend meaningful time with those who were able to make it.
Another thought: can you have a smaller gathering in the US? Like a simple dinner at a restaurant with friends who couldn’t make it? We are doing that for my Dad’s side of the family who don’t want to travel to the US. And we just decided it would be done when next we visit just to see everyone – not too formal.
It bothers me quite a bit that everyone is judging you on this forum. I think that it’s a bit unfair because everyone’s situation is different. I hope that you feel better and that when the day comes around you will be so wrapped up in the happiness of it all that that headcount will be a distant memory 🙂