(Closed) I want to cancel my DW Wedding :(

posted 6 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 31
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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Tuscanywedding:  To be honest, I am shocked that 32 people are coming from States. That is a HUGE expense. I am originally from Poland and I live in USA. My bf is American and for our wedding I might have max of 3 people flying in. Unfortunately from US to Europe that is 10 hour flight that cost around 1000 bucks for ticket each. Depending on when you are getting married tickets range from $850 to $1700. Trust me I know because I was flying to Poland for vacation.

I would be sooo happy if 32 of my relatives/friends could afford a trip here for my wedding but that will never happen.

The only thing I would suggest is that since your budget is 50 grand, give up on some luxury and pay for some of their tickets. If for example you are inviting a family of 4, you are basically asking them to shed out 4 grand just for tickets. Plus hotel, plus food, plus wedding gift.

Don’t take it personally because the fact that 32 people agreed to pay that much just to come to your wedding means a lot.

Post # 32
Member
1647 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m upper middle class and sorry honey I don’t spend that kind of money on traveling for weddings unless it’s my immediate family. That’s just a harsh reality and I think that’s what the other 68 of your guests are struggling with… it IS really expensive.

How about hosting a dinner in NYC at a later date so that all your friends who could not join you can still celebrate with you? I’ve seen a lot of Destination Wedding brides who do that. It doesn’t need to have nice invites, or even decorations. At the end of the day your friends I think genuinely don’t really care about that as long as they get to see you happily married.

And I’ve been there. For this reason my DH and I did multiple celebrations – some simple, some grand. We brought the party to my family in China, his family in California, our friends on the east coast….

Post # 33
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My Fiance & I are in a similar situation logistically – I’m american and he’s british. We’re having the wrdding in the US, and most of his family won’t be able to attend, so we’re having a reception with them after we get back to the UK. Could you guys have a party with your fam the next time you happen to be in the US? 

Post # 34
Member
2445 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I know it sucks, of course you want everyone that’s important to you to be there. But like PPs have said, 32 is a lot for a Destination Wedding wedding. And I promise you that you’ll be sooooo unbelievably happy, like so happy your heart could burst, on your wedding day that you won’t even have these feelings of sadness. You’ll be so excited to celebrate with the people who are there.

Post # 35
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m sorry that your wedding isn’t turning out like you want, but I have to side with PPs. :/ for all the reasons they’ve said: 32 is a lot, the expenses to travel to Tuscany can be astronomical, you don’t know people’s financial positions. add on to flight and hotel expenses the fact that if they didn’t have a passport, that’s not cheap either. If they have kids then it’s that much harder. The list goes on and on. You need to really take a breather and realize that this isn’t a fun or easy thing for them either. I’m sure they’re not sitting home glad that they “got out” of having to attend your event. They’re probably sad that they have to miss it And worried about how you took it. and if you can, plan a brunch or formal dinner with them in the US sometime after your dw. Also, make sure that you don’t relay this disappointment to many others because you don’t want to risk making those that are coming feel like they aren’t special or enough to make your day great. Make sure they feel appreciated in their efforts to travel are acknowledged. 

Post # 36
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

You’re sounding very selfish IMO. And this is coming from a destination bride herself where out of 150 invited guests…40 are coming altogether. I would be happy if only 2 came. Toughen up.

Post # 37
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

Marriage can be more than a union between two people, it can be a union of families. 

It’s a shame all the friends and family you want wont be there. But his family, who are becoming your family too, will be. 

Take comfort in the fact that your fiancee’s family are celebrating YOUR (as in you+FI’s) wedding, they are there to celebrate with both of you- not just him!

Post # 38
Member
7367 posts
Busy Beekeeper

When you choose to have a Destination Wedding somethings always going to have to give. And to expect otherwise is very immature and unrealistic. <br /><br />Its way easier and cheaper for his family (UK based) to fly to Italy. It’s almost equivalent of my flying from NYC to Miami, Fl. There are tons of low cost airlines that fly regionally throughout Europe. So of course they can attend at way lower cost that your American based guests. 

I agree with 

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Horseradish: if you are so troubled by their non attendance then by all means rearrange your budget and supplement some airfares. 

Post # 39
Member
1440 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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Tuscanywedding:  If you are going to choose your stubborn path, then be prepared to lose those 32 people from your life, especially if they have already booked plane tickets and accommodation. If you are willing to just toss aside all of the deposits spent over this hissy fit, then donate your whole wedding to a deserving couple. Surely there is a wounded warrior or cancer survivor who could never imagine the type of luxury you find disposable. Then perhaps something good will come out of your pity party. 

Post # 40
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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Tuscanywedding:  Your turn out for a destination wedding is actually pretty great compared to most other DWs. Also, if you had your wedding in the U.S., your Fiance would be in the same situation where a lot of his friends & family might not be able to attend. 

Try to be positive about the people who are able to make it to your wedding. 

Post # 41
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2016 - The Fox Hollow

Don’t take it personally. its not that they don’t care.. It’s more likely they just can’t afford it. You’re asking a lot of people. The flight and hotel alone will be so expensive and they’re expected to give a gift. I know i would never be able to swing that right now. And if I could, I’d want to make it worth it and stay a long period of time and see the country which requires even more time off. Try to put yourself in their positions. Not everyone can spend $1-2k to attend a wedding. 

Post # 42
Member
893 posts
Busy bee

I think 32 people is a lot to make such a trip! I would definitely have way less than that if I planned a wedding 10 hours away by plane. Who cares if your Fiance has more guests attending. I have more than my Fiance but he has all the important people in his life coming to share the day. It’s not always about quantity.

Post # 43
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I understand the  disappointment of not having all the invitees come, but like PPs have said.. 32 flying in is a dream.  Thats 82 people total with your FI’s guests. That is more time for intimate connections and wonderful memories.82 people celebrating your marriage is a blessing. 

I’m Jamaican and FI’s Canadian and many of our Canadian friends and family won’t be able to make it in Jamaica. Its a little disappointing but if we had it here the same would be true. Destination Wedding are pricey in many respects. 

Just try and enjoy the love and company of those who  can make it. 

Post # 44
Member
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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Tuscanywedding:  are you always this selfish? 

you’re seriously debating cancelling a beautiful tuscan wedding that 32 of your nearest and dearest have scrimped and saved and arranged their lives to attend? likely on non refundable plane tickets? not to mention the 50 others of your fiances family who are planning to attend? that you’ve spent 50,000 of your hard earned dollars on? 

you’re seriously even considering cancelling everything just because you didn’t get EXACTLY 100% of what you wanted? not everything in life is equal – 32 people coming from the states is amazing. i just found out today that the 4 closest girl friends i had at law school likely won’t be able to make it to mine. one is in another wedding, two are living in another country, and another may not be able to get the time off work. i’m very disappointed, but i would never cancel my entire wedding over it and punish the other 100+ guests just because now my vision of dancing with my law school friends won’t happen. that would be insane. 

you need a serious attitude adjustment. i suggest you spend some time thinking about all the ways that 82 people had to make arrangements for money, child care, pet sitters, house sitters, time off work, travelling days, long flights and MONEY to attend your wedding. if you honestly still think that it’s even remotely acceptable to have an adult temper tantrum and cancel a perfectly good wedding for no real reason, then go ahead, but good luck with the fallout. 

sorry if this is harsh, but you need to end the pity party and be a lot more appreciative of the lengths your guests are going for you. 

Post # 45
Member
3108 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

32 is a great number, and it’s not far off from 50 at all so i don’t think it will seem unbalanced. Dont take it personally, it’s very expensive to travel from North America to Europe and if I was invited to that kind of wedding I would unfortunately not be able to attend at the moment, no matter how much I wanted to. You’ll have a lovely day and I think you have a great turn out! I attended a Carribean Destination Wedding recently where the total cost was only a little over $1000 each all inclusive for a week and even then the couple only had around 30 guests, which was a huge turn out compared to the other weddings we saw at the resort. You need to be a little more understanding that not everyone can travel whenever they want to, due to work, family, finances or whatever it may be.

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