(Closed) I want to cancel my DW Wedding :(

posted 5 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 61
Member
8 posts
Newbee

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Tuscanywedding:  

We were married in Mexico, and 15 only came…The day is about the two of you, afterall. Perhaps you could have another symbolic ceremony and/or reception at home for your family to be apart of? I also am a wedding cinematographer and have done live streams for people who weren’t able to make the wedding…Something to think about 🙂 

Post # 62
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

I had 25 people at my wedding. Period. It’s about quality not quantity. 

Post # 63
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee

Here’s the scenario:

Bride: I’m having my wedding in Tuscany. Will you come? 

Best friend: Of course! 

Later, the best friend checks on airfare, cost of hotel, car rental, food, etc, and says, “Holy shit! That’s two months rent!” (Four months rent where I use to live).

OP, you are being selfish all around. Do not cancel your wedding. What about the people who already spent the money on airfare? 

Post # 64
Member
1083 posts
Bumble bee

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Tuscanywedding:  that’s what happens with destination weddings. You exclude people: not everyone can afford the travel, hotel + a gift. Not everyone has paid time off….you’re pretty much forcing them to use their vacation days for a vacation location they did not pick.

thats why the marriage is meant to be celebrated with the family and the honeymoon at a location of your choice.

it ircks me when people purposely have a destination wedding and then are shocked when everyone can’t make it. What else would you expect? 

But, you’ve already spent money on this wedding, and so have the guest that have RSVP’d. Don’t cancel your wedding and enjoy your day.

Post # 65
Member
7132 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Did you really think that people with families would be able to arrange time off from work and school, afford multiple plane tickets and fly halfway around the world to see you get married? That is an enormous chunk of change for a trip to somewhere you didn’t choose at a time that you didn’t choose. People have families, and yes, an 8th grade graduation might well be more important than a trip that would put them in debt. 

Destination weddings are selfish by definition. I am not saying no one should have one because everyone’s family and expectations are different. But if you want 100 members of your extended family from the US to attend, you don’t have your wedding in Italy. Period. It is your attitude and expectations that need adjusting, not your family’s priorities, IMO.

Post # 66
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - Calamigos Ranch

I think this is something people really need to think about when planning a destination wedding. I considered it and then realized my fiance’s side of the family would be able to attend but many of my own would not. So we settled on a wedding back home in SoCal. You can’t have your cake and eat it too….unfortunately. 

Post # 67
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Sonoma, CA

 

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Tuscanywedding:  I feel for you and I was almost in a similar situation. It will turn out ok though!

My family is in CA and his is in NY.  We booked my dream venue at Haiku Mill in Maui, sent out invites and our families were so excited to go to Hawaii…. Then his sister declined due to the flight time. Because of her Darling Husband asked that we cancel and plan something in CA. I reluctantly cancelled and booked a local venue. After doing all that she decided she STILL wasn’t going to come. We ended up having to buy her plane tickets and babysit her the entire weekend.  The people who wanted to go to Hawaii were bummed, and I was so upset that I didn’t just do what I wanted to do. If I was doing it all over again I wouldn’t try so hard to accomodate people, I’d just let them not come.

Ultimately the day is for you two, and you should do what YOU want. Don’t let decliners ruin it for you.  You are going to have an amazing wedding and amazing photos (in Tuscany!!!) which will last forever.  Enjoy your awesome DW!

Post # 68
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Please, enjoy your spectacular wedding! You are very loved to have 32 people come despite the huge costs… We had our wedding in our (US) state and invited only people from our state and one from the next state over. Still, 5 people who RSVPd did not show! It is what it is… My wedding was not even 1/10 of the cost of yours, and I am very glad about that. Much of that cost will be wasted on food and drinks for whoever does not show up. Be prepared for less people to come than expected from your side as well. Some guests may not have the confidence to tell you that they cannot attend. 

My suggestion would be to plan a nice party, BBQ, or dinner in the states after the wedding or for your first wedding anniversary so you can make memories with your family. Get a pro photographer for that, wear your wedding dress again if you want, etc. It will be so much fun because the stress of wedding planning and nervous nature of the impending nuptials will be over. Good luck! 

Post # 69
Member
279 posts
Helper bee

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Tuscanywedding:  I cant believe you, girl! You’ve met the man of your dreams AND you are having a wedding in TUSCANY and you have a budget most brides would drool over! I mean come on girl, even Cinderella tripped all over herself, lost some fabulous shoes, and pulled into the driveway riding a pumpkin driven by mice….in the Disney version. And lemme tell you, disney has the nicest version, until your “problem” comes into play. Man, I really feel bad for you. 84 people in this entire world are so incredibly in love with the thought of you marrying your groom that they will spend time, money, stress, and oh you know….making their dreams come true…at your undoubtably amazing TUSCAN wedding! And no sweet heart, this is not a fair math problem for you because you are not adding this up correctly. It is 32+50 guests who Clearly think this is exactly what they wanna do w their time and money plus (omg we forgot to include them) TWO AMAZING PEOPLE who should be ecstatic that they are gettin hitched in the capital of romance. That’s right, you guessed it. The two of you: you, the beautiful bride…and your undoubtably amazing hubby. Rolling hills, chianti, pasta, pesto, farmland, Florence, UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN, The piazza della Santa Maria (or something like thqt), AND SO. MUCH. MORE. This, sweetheart? This is a dream come true. To get yourself in the game, look up “tuscan wedding” on Google. Invite your 32 (or all 82) guests to a group Pinterest board that everyone can add to, with beautiful pics of Tuscany to get amped For the trip. Look up things to do in Tuscany that could truly excite your guests and plan a little itinerary around the days before the wedding. We did a Florence cooking class with this company named viator.com. They took us around a florence marketplace and then we did a cooking class! They offer everything from pasta w homemade sauce to pizza and gelato…complete with take home recipe cards. 

 

Do do yourself a favor. Focus on the amazing opportunity ahead of you, focus on the peoole who will share in your experience, try to add memory making moments where possible, and understand….YOU ARE HAVING A DREAM WEDDING! In the words of Liz Gilbert from Eat Pray Love (the movie…never read the book), make this a “no carb (fun) left behind experiment”

Post # 70
Member
216 posts
Helper bee

KareKoosh:

To get yourself in the game, look up “tuscan wedding” on Google. Invite your 32 (or all 82) guests to a group Pinterest board that everyone can add to, with beautiful pics of Tuscany to get amped For the trip. Look up things to do in Tuscany that could truly excite your guests and plan a little itinerary around the days before the wedding.

Love this idea!

View original reply
Tuscanywedding:  

You’ve probablt gotten so wrapped up in your planning, which is what is making you take it so personally. We have had to decline a few weddings this year because it seems this is THE year for romance and a lot of people are getting married – for us, in many different countries – and we can’t afford the time or money to make them all. We are still thrilled for the couples, however, reality bites and we had to make some grown up decisions.

When we get married (after SO has gotten into gear and proposed), we know that wherever we choose we will have to sacrifice half of the guests we’d love to be there (metaphorically speaking) as his family is mostly in Europe, my parents are in UK but the bulk of my family are in Oz and Asia – not even starting on friends! We have already reconciled mentally that we’ll just have to suck it up and perhaps celebrate with one hemisphere in a different way.

You sound like you’re going to have a beautiful wedding and at the end of the day, what matters is you and Fiance, everyone else is there to witness and enjoy – but you are committing your lives to each other. As long as you both are there, you have all the key people! Have a wonderful time and perhaps try the Pinspiration boards to get your enthusiam flowing.

Post # 71
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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KareKoosh:  “even Cinderella tripped all over herself, lost some fabulous shoes, and pulled into the driveway riding a pumpkin driven by mice” <– so great!

Post # 72
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We got married in the UK but DH’s (massive) family live on the other side of the world. We had 42 guests at our wedding but only his parents, sister and one couple of friends came. For the rest it was much too expensive and far away to justify. Hell, even some people living in Paris said they were coming and then declined the invite. You’re doing well to have 32 people there. You can always have a party next time you are in the US, no?

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