Post # 1
Fiance and I keep fighting about our wedding budget…we have a budget, and we are doing pretty good sticking to it (projected to be about $2,000 over as of right now). Except he thinks I am throwing money around and not seriously trying to save for it. I only clear about $400 a month above my bills, and out of that I have to make payments onto my credit cards, (which HE helped rack up and has several thousand dollars towards the wedding on it), plus pay for fuel, personal care items, and anything extra my animals require, which thankfully hasn’t been much. He expects me to pick up the tab on things for his son like field trips and such, which isn’t often, but still adds up on a limited income month. He is blaming me for overspending. When we got engaged, I stopped buying my lunch out (once a month now IF that, and it’s usually subway or something cheap), I rarely go to Starbucks, maybe once every couple weeks, and I stopped drinking the $5 bevvies and just drink tea, no food, so $2.05 a visit. I don’t go out with friends, I don’t drink, don’t smoke, I haven’t had a haircut in 6 months, never go to the spa and get nails or anything done, reduced my visits for eyebrow waxing to every 8 weeks. My biggest expense is my horse at $450 a month, but I’ve had him longer than Fiance and I have been together, so it’s not a new expense. I even changed my dog’s food so things were cheaper. I am just so damn frustrated, I can’t win! And yet he still buys his lunches/breakfast, coffee almost daily. I feel like there is nothing more to give yet he wants me to find more. I work full time, on salary so fixed income, and don’t really want a second job as I don’t want to burn out, but will do it if need be. We are sitting down tonight to “discuss” it, and I’m already upset about it!
Post # 3
Why does he expect you to pay for stuff for his son?? And has he changed his spending habits at all to help save? Sounds pretty ridiculous and unfair from what I’m reading….
Post # 4
IMO you guys just need a serious talk. Sounds like he;s a lil oblivious to the money issues. I would bring as much evidence as possible to back up your side. I am in a similiar situation- I make a decent salary but w/ student loans, Credit cards, and my other normal bills I barely have $200 to spend on groceries or other misc. items for 2 weeks. My Fiance totally blames me for all the CC debt and I admitted that prior to living together (7 years ago) I was a little swipe happy and racked up a couple thousand in debt. But the other thousands were both of us…groceries, bills when cash wasn’t available, Christmas, ect. I had to physically show him the CC statement with all the itemized purchases before he admitted to being part of the problem. I also cut down my eyebrow waxing (my 1 beauty splurge & I’m getting my first haircut in 6 months Thur.- sounds like we are both low maintenance girls; ) What does your Fiance do with HIS money- because it doesn;t sound like much besides eat it up. Have you tried packing his lunch the night before or in the morning- this may stop him from buying daily or investing in a Kurig (a lil pricey at first but will def. save $ in the long run)? Don’t let money be your white elephant in your relationship- it kills almost instantly!
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Maybe for one month you should both track every single things you spend and sit down together to honestly analyze your expenses. He might be surprised to see how good you are and careless he is, or you might learn something you didn’t expect.
Post # 6
Maybe he is projecting his own faults onto you I.E. HE is the one spending too much but wants to put the pressure on you to take blame off of himself. Yes, you need to sit down and work out a budget. Don’t get angry and give each of you the chance to make a case for oneself. Decide what’s important and what isn’t. Finances are really important.
Post # 7
@mrsSonthebeach: I second that. Maybe if you get Quicken or something that tracks each of your spending, he will see that x% of his money goes to eating out, and it’s far more than yours. My guess is (if he’s anything like my FI) he just doesn’t see how quickly things add up. If he has a pie chart in front of him showing how he’s the one spending more, he won’t have much to argue with.
Post # 8
Thanks for all the support, and suggestions. You are all right, and I know I was hot under the collar after a bit of a tense phone call from him
We are just majorly stressed over the wedding budget, we are nowhere near broke, we live very well, and don’t lack anything. And we have spoken abou the eating out/breakfast stops etc. But I think he feels HE can afford it so why not? He’s not stingy with me either, but we will go do something, then a week later he will make a comment on finances or the wedding and it gets me all stressed out.
We have started a conversation and I abort it because I get too emotional. He makes double plus my yearly salary, so when we decided on a wedding, I made it perfectly clear that I would be able to contribute very little to our fund, bt do all the legwork. I wanted to wait until 2013 because we had zero savings and a lot of debt. He was adamant he din’t want to wait that long, and said we could make the finances work no problem. Well, as it gets closer, I think he see’s what I saw last year when we set the date, and it’s scaring him because it’s his issue, for lack of a better description. I can’t fix this, my debt load is too high (I carry all our debt as he went bankrupt post divorce 4 years ago and couldn;t get credit of any kind).
I know I am bad with money, I overspend, and credit cards are bad news for me. I’m working on it, but unfortunately, my irresponseble 20’s era is still with me, and it’s gonna take some time to remedy that. I really try, I just get really down when it seems like it’s not enough.
Post # 9
I understand where you are at – I almost feel like I wrote this post. I haven’t had my hair done since July 17th, No nails getting done anymore, I don’t go out at all – but my fiance always wants to go out – even though he complains about all that I am spending on the wedding. He says he gave me money for the wedding that he didn’t. I showed him all the reciepts all the account info that I use for everything wedding related (we opened a special joint account for the wedding) And since the deposits aren’t there for the money He thinks he gave me, he thinks I spent it on myself. Ummmmmm… when was the last time I went shopping???
I think this is a common thing. My parents have been married for 37 years and my mother says they almost broke up about wedding plans four time in their year long engagement. And my mothers parents paid for everything but the Rehearsal Dinner. So – I don’t know – keep communication open. Money is the most difficult thing to discuss. We will get through this 🙂 Hopefully not too many more tears