(Closed) I Want To Elope Something Terrible…FI Is Resistant

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No, it’s not unreasonable at all! It IS stressing, the planning of a wedding and somehwere along th eway (9 days left!!) i did despair and wished we had gone somewhere really nice and marry, just the 2 of us. BUT in my case i know my grandmother would be heartbroken – i am the oldest of 5 grandaughters and the first to get married (just turned 40!), also, i DO want a nice wedding, a touching ceremony, photos..and that means work! Which i did..all the time!

Whatever you 2 decide, it’s YOUR wedding. Good luck!!

Post # 4
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Would you be comfortable with a beach wedding, with immediate family (parents, siblings/grandparents)/closest friends? Those can be very low key- maybe a 15 minute ceremony, with 15 people in attendance.  

Since Fiance wants family to witness the wedding, maybe that could work?? We had considered eloping, but inviting our parents and best friends- so having maybe 10 people at the ceremony.

Post # 6
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I think this is definitely an issue where you have to come to a “third alternative” (another idea that you are both pleased with) rather than trying to compromise or one person winning. I think if either of you gives up what is important to you, you’ll feel resentful.

I do think it’s reasonable that he wants to have a wedding (the actual ceremony) that includes his family. I also think it’s reasonable that you’re worried about planning and about being in the spotlight.

Here are some questions to consider that might help lead you to a third alternative:

– If money wasn’t an issue, and you could hire someone to plan it, would you still want to elope? (That takes away the planning issue and let’s you see if it’s the planning or the attention that is making you most nervous – and I do think it matters, because you can’t solve the challenge unless you identify it.)

– Would his family be willing to travel for a small destination wedding? Would you be okay with his family being there but not yours? Or is it both or neither?

– What is the maximum number of people you’d feel comfortable witnessing the ceremony?

– Do you have any friends that are nearby, reliable, and really into wedding planning that might help with details? (I’d do this for a friend in a heartbeat!)

– Are there ways you could have a local ceremony that is more low-key rather than “OMG BRIDE IN AN ENORMOUS WHITE DRESS EVERYONE LOOK AT HER!!”?

– Would you be okay having a small ceremony locally followed by a big reception at the same time?

Good luck! I hope you can find an alternative you both feel excited about!

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