I want to end my engagement

posted 10 months ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
2936 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2006

My heart breaks for you because I’ve been there!!! I know it’s scary to start over and feel like you’re on your own and afraid of the struggle. Lemme tell ya though, you will feel so free after you decide to call it quits. You DO NOT want to live a life of misery married to this man and always wondering. It is a living hell, trust me. 

It sounds like you’ve already made the decision to leave. I am so sorry, Bee! It will get better! 

Post # 17
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

krista90 :  I understand where you are coming from Bee. There was a point in my relatiopnship with my partner where I did not trust him. I checked his phone and found similar things to you. After that, I found myself checking his phone every time I could, in secret.

Once I got to that point, I realized there was no point in our relationship. If you can’t trust him, you should not marry him.

You don’t want to be in that kind of relationship, or be the kind of women that has to check your partners phone all the time. Once it starts, you can never go back.

You either both need to sit down and decide you want to have a committed relationship where you trust each other and are open and honest about everything, or you need to pull the plug. I know it sucks, but it is better for you and your mental health. Do you really want to be in a marriage where you are constantly checking your partner is behaving the way you want? It’s not healthy!

If you ever need to chat, I’m here for you! I ended up with my partner and we have now been together for almost 11 years! However, that came after major changes to our relationship and more than a few break ups.

Post # 18
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

Everyone on here is right. If he is doing this now when you aren’t married yet and the relationship is still fresh, what will he be doing when times get tough years from now. You deserve to be with a guy you can trust and who respects you. This guy isn’t that guy. He already is untrustworthy. Life is too hard to hitch yourself to someone who doesn’t have your back and doesn’t adore you. A man who really truly loved you would want to protect you, even from the very idea that he would ever hurt you. Hugs bee! 

Post # 19
Member
2524 posts
Sugar bee

Finances…..so sad, but just not enough reason to permanently connect your life to someone who is not fully satisfied in his life with all the beautiful and wonderful things about you.

Your reasoning is SO HONEST. Have enough courage and concern for yourself to follow your instincts and intuition. They won’t fail you.

Hoping the very Best for you.

 

Post # 20
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

You don’t have anything to be embarrassed about. HE is the one being a sleaze! If someone gives you shit about it, I’d tell them exactly why you called it off. 

It’s much easier to cancel now.  You will find a way to make it!

Post # 22
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I’ve been there. My only regret was not ending my engagement sooner. I was sad for a long time and working so hard to fix things. When I finally had the guts to walk away I started healing. It was so painful and embarrasing, but it made me stronger and if I knew I would be this happy now, I would have ended things much earlier instead of trying to fix something that could never work. Lean on friends and family, but know that you are strong enough to save yourself.

Post # 23
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

As many other bee’s have said, it will be much harder to break up a marriage than call off an engagement. I’ve been there. 

I know this hurts so much and you deserve better. All the best! 

Post # 24
Member
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

krista90 :  What a piece of shit.  I know breaking up seems like a mountain to climb, but a divorce will be your Everest. Your only option is to leave now, like tomorrow, but set yourself up with a place to live where there is support before you do it.  Prepare close family and friends, tell them what’s going on so when you actually do it you don’t have to do that too.  They will stand by you.  Who wouldn’t given what you told us??? 

Also, the only one ending the engagement is him.  His horrific choices resulted in the only logical outcome.  That’s what you say.  You put it on him because that’s the truth. 

Post # 25
Member
1346 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

As someone whose been divorced twice, don’t worry about the embarrassment.  I judge myself far more harshly than other people do.  People will be sympathetic.  You deserve a lifetime of happiness.  It will be a hard transition but you can do it.  Don’t marry this guy with these doubts because of security.  I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  You’ll come out better on the other side I promise.

Post # 26
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

krista90 :  I am so, so, so sorry this is happening to you. Think of it this way: it’s easier to cancel a wedding six months out than 3 months out, easier than the week of, and it’s a HELL of a lot easier to cancel a wedding than to get a divorce. Trust is such a crucial component of a healthy relationship that if you don’t have that, you don’t have a relationship to save. 

Hugs to you.

Post # 27
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

krista90 :  regarding the embarrassment of a broken engagement… I get it, I really do. I left my marriage after 18 months and was so embarrassed. One of my dearest friends left her marriage after 6 weeks, and her wedding was overseas and 60 of her friends and family travelled across the globe for her wedding (Australia to Europe). No one who mattered cared one bit in either case. In fact, following the break down of my marriage, I have never felt more loved in my life. My family and friends rallied around me like never before. You have nothing to be embarrassed about… you tried to make things work with a man you loved, you made plans with this man, this man turned out to be someone you know you can’t be happy with long term. You did nothing wrong! Be kind to yourself and leave. I get financial stress… I was left with considerable debt following my divorce, but I’m back on my feet now. You can do this x 

Post # 28
Member
2490 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

You would be making the best choice by ending things bee. FWIW if my best friends were set to be married and canceled the wedding for reasons like this I’d support them 100% without judgment. I’d be happier they were smart enough to end things before a marriage ended in divorce. There will always be more money in the world and you will find your way. Don’t sell yourself short by staying with this guy for financial reasons when you know he’s no good for you. Time is valuable and you don’t get more of it so stop wasting it on this douche bag. Wish you the best!

Post # 29
Member
39 posts
Newbee

I’m so sorry you are going through this. 🙁

This should be the happiest days of your life, not the stress of what your partner is doing to betray you.

I’m so proud to see a strong lady stand up for her happiness. This will pass… think, years from now or even months, something absolutely amazing will happen.

Post # 30
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

The only one who ought to be embarassed by this broken engagement is him. You deserve better and you will find better. Hell, being alone is a million times better than being with someone you don’t trust. 

I’m sorry he ended up being a shady POS. I know it’s hard when you loved someone and then they turned out not to be who you thought. But don’t settle for garbage because you’re embarassed you thought it was a treasure at one point. 

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