Post # 1
Member
5 posts
Newbee
I feel like a terrible fiance. My fiance and I have been together for almost 6 years, and engaged for 2. He is truly wonderful, and only wants to make me happy. We went to look at rings together, and all I said was I like the square cut solitares, with a nice simple white gold band (definitely not a specific carat weight, I’m not one to care about the size, and most of the large ones just look fake anyway). He picked out a gorgeous princess cut, with the perfect band. I was so happy with it, and I still think it’s beautiful. The problem is, I didn’t do enough research. I’m absolutely in love with the asscher cut, and every time I see one I feel bad, then feel even worse for feeling that way. Puts me in a huge downward spiral. We don’t have much money, and we’re both working really hard to pay for the wedding. I told him about it, even though I was really dreading it, because I was so worried he’d be upset. He insists it’s no big deal, that he wants to get me my dream ring. We’re planning on exchanging the princess cut for an asscher in the next few months (the store he bought it from will trade fairly). I don’t know what to do…I’m super upset thinking about it. i want to hold onto the one he gave me for sentimental reasons, but every time I look at it i think about how difficult our engagement has been (lack of decent paying jobs on both our parts, lack of family support from my side, etc….) i’ve been reading posts about this subject on different sites, and every time i read someone’s advice saying “you should keep the original and learn to love it/you’re hurting his feelings/be happy with something you don’t love and wear it for the rest of your life/blah blah…all of it makes me feel terrible…i love my fiance with all my heart, and would never want to hurt him. is it really so wrong to change the ring? why is it acceptable to people to change it after a few years of marriage instead of before the wedding? i’m afraid to hear a response, seriously, but i need some real advice. I’m afraid if I keep the original, he and i both know it’s not the style i really want, if I exchange it i’ll be reminded of how big of a mistake i made in not researching rings enough before we got engaged=I’m an awful person. please help:(
Post # 3
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
I don’t think you should feel like an awful person. If it’s a fair trade and your Fiance doesn’t mind the exchange, go for it and don’t look back. He wanted the ring to cater to your tastes, and you weren’t 100% on what you wanted – big deal. You’re allowed to change your mind and the symbolism of the ring remains the same.
Post # 4
Member
6890 posts
Busy Beekeeper
You’re NOT an awful person, you said it yourself: You just didn’t research it enough to know there was something you liked better. It’s not the end of the world.
If your Fiance is on board, then go for it. I don’t find it insulting or think it changes the meaning of the ring no matter WHEN you change or even upgrade a ring. The ring is the symbol, not the stone.
Post # 5
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
I’m not sure if cost is an issue for you, but in my experience asscher cut diamonds are more expensive than princess cut diamonds of the same carat weight (or maybe this is just in Australia)
Also, as the asscher cut highlights the clarity & colour of the diamond so usually you will need to get a higher grade of colour & clarity for the diamond to look as ‘perfect’ as a lower graded princess cut.
Hopefully that makes sense? I’m not an expert, but I did lots of research into different diamond cuts when my Fiance & I were looking at rings.
Post # 6
Member
5 posts
Newbee
@aprilsixteenth: thanks so much ladies!! you have no idea how much better I feel. It means so much to me to have an unbiased opinion. I was feeling so bad thinking my friends and family would think I was some kind of materialistic wench that would never be satifisfied. But deep down, I know if I traded for the asscher, I would never want another style. It is a bit more expensive, (with the trade), so I offered to pay for the difference myself. Not sure yet if he approves of that, probably not, but I thought since I made the mistake I could at least pay for the difference. We’ll see what happens, but in the meantime I can stop beating myself up over this, which is a huge relief. Thank you:)
Post # 7
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
If your Fiance doesn’t mind, I don’t see a problem – another thought though, if you weren’t 100% sold on exchanging your ring, might be finding yourself a nice right hand ring with an ascher cut. That would be best of both worlds in my mind, keeping the ring he proposed with AND getting to wear the cut you love! Plus extra jewelry to love. 🙂
Post # 8
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
change it! sounds like an even exchange, and your Fiance is understanding. don’t feel bad!
but do keep in mind – I agree with what aprilsixteenth said. discuss the differences between asscher and princess cut with your jeweler. you might decide your current ring is the best choice after all.
no matter what you decide, post pictures. I want to see!
Post # 9
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
I understand your situation. I recently changed my engagement band this week. My original band was not my exact style and the jeweler was unable to permanently size down my pave’ band to fit my finger (I’m size 3.5). I was scared to tell my Fiance, but he turned out to be totally understanding and said he just wanted me to be happy/comfortable with my ring. I do warn you might have an increase in price b/c that is what happened to us when we went to exchange. But maybe it will be different for you since you’re exchanging the diamond and not the band (keep in mind there might be a resetting fee). As long as you think you’re Fiance will be understanding and you can afford a change in rings I say go for it! I’m super happy with my decision!
Post # 10
Member
48 posts
Newbee
Definitely do not feel bad. Especially if he seemed ok with it. My fiance proposed to me nearly four years ago with something he liked, but didn’t love. It was also his goal to get me my dream ring. So we decided to trade it in BEFORE the wedding. I got flack from family and friends who just didn’t understand where we were coming from. Part of our issue was that he also didn’t do enough research when he first purchased. The second time around, we did months of research and picked it out together. I just got it today, and it’s wonderful. It’s everything we both wanted and we’re both happy. Some people still don’t understand our decision. But it is supposed to be that way. It’s something we did for us, and it was good. I do not regret my decision. And you may not think it now, but the new one will have sentimental value as well. Especially if it’s already on your hand when you get married. To me, its best to find the ring you will want to wear every single day for the rest of your life, before you get married, not ten years down the road.
Good luck to you, hope you feel better, and I hope this helped you some.
Post # 11
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
Your FI’s on board with it, so stop beating yourself up! I think it’s great that you were honest about your feelings with him, and that he in turn was generous and understanding. That’s a great foundation of communication and honesty to build a marriage on.
Post # 12
Member
5 posts
Newbee
@JMonzy: Thank you for your advice, it’s very helpful, and makes me feel better knowing someone else has done the same. I don’t think my family or friends will understand, especially because the one I have is beautiful, and larger than I expected (not expected, ugh…sounds terrible!). I’ve come to realize more and more that you have to do what’s important to you as a couple, despite what others may think, even if they are family or close friends. It’s really no one’s business anyway, right? I feel like I’m gonna have to hide it from people so they don’t judge me (mother-in law, anyone?), but I’m hoping no one will have anything negative to say about it (maybe they won’t notice, because it’s the same size and shape) I showed a friend of mine the asscher cut about a year ago (she got engaged about 6 months ago), basically saying how much I loved it, subtly saying I wish I could exchange it. She said she wanted a princess, but then loved the asscher instead. Her fiance got her the asscher, and I’m happy she got what she wanted, I’m not one of those competitive girls, and don’t mind if we have the same cut. I have this fear she’ll see it and resent me for it, even though she never heard of the cut until I showed her…ugh…this is so lame and sounds catty, which I’m not, I swear:( I’m hoping she is just happy we’re both happy with our dream rings. She’s been a good friend, so we’ll see. We’ve had our share of hardships being engaged the last two years. We’ve waited for a long time to get married, financially it just couldn’t happen any sooner. I think you’re totally right about exchanging it before the wedding, if possible. somehow I think it’s better to have “the” ring on for our big day. oh, and if anyone has any advice on how NOT to upset my friend, please feel free, I really don’t want any bad feelings about this:(
Post # 13
Member
5 posts
Newbee
thanks to all you lovely ladies for the advice:) It’s been a huge help for me.
Post # 14
Member
5 posts
Newbee
I’m glad you love your new ring:) post pictures if you like! Love to see it.